Blogs


Iím lost

Old 07-23-2020, 09:18 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
any
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 22
Iím lost

I recently posted two threads(I know itís a lot) I did the ďwhat role to play in his lifeĒ and ďadvice needed nowĒ
He ended up somehow roping me back in, all of this back and forth isnít good for anybody and Iím just at the point of not even speaking to him. I keep like ranting but Iím just so lost. I wasnít answering him and then he ended up leaving rehab and I was like what, he was only there for not even 2 weeks. He promises to be a better boyfriend but I almost feel like itís too late. Is it bad if I donít give him another chance? Iím just so lost I donít know how to end this relationship. I tried and then I flaked out because he just made me feel bad and then I got sad. My entire family hates him. My brother wants to call him and tell him to leave me alone. My dad wants me to go back to college early. My mom wants to call his parents and be like your son needs to get out of my daughters life. Itís just getting to be a lot of pressure. The worst part is, I want to be with him and I want it to work but I know he wonít change. I canít take the stress of his ex coming back into his life. Heís like back at work and I donít want to ruin his first day back but Iím at the point of just giving my mom my phone for the weekend and just step away Friday- Sunday. I donít even want to tell him Iím doing that. I tried texting him we need to talk and I couldnít send it. I donít know why this is so hard for me. I go through phases, one second Iím like get him out of my life heís just gonna break my heart and the next second Iím like give him a chance you never know. He hasnít done anything for me in the whole year weíve been dating and I just donít want to get hurt again. Listening to different perspectives helps me a lot thatís why Iím posting again.
any is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to any For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-23-2020), suki44883 (07-23-2020)
Old 07-23-2020, 11:41 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
LumenandNyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 244
Thumbs up

I find it curious that no one else has replied to you yet.

"Is it bad if I donít give him another chance?" It's stupid to give him another chance. Stupid.

"Iím just so lost I donít know how to end this relationship. I tried and then I flaked out because he just made me feel bad and then I got sad." Oh, Boo Hoo. Jeez! Look at how you're coming across. No one is that weak. Stop doing this to yourself. Don't TRY - just LEAVE and DON'T GO BACK. Trying is a waste of time. Doing accomplishes things.

It doesn't matter what people in your family think about him. And all you're doing by sharing that information here is fueling useless thoughts. Yes - we all have useless thoughts that pop into our heads out of nowhere. You need to learn how to discern what is important to consider and what thoughts are simply taking up valuable brain space.

"He hasnít done anything for me in the whole year weíve been dating and I just donít want to get hurt again." Are you bothering to read the things you're writing? You don't seem to have much of a spine, woman. Where is it? Where'd it go? Have you ever had one? Do you think you could find it because you really need it right now.

I suggest you muster up some inner strength and then burn it like rocket fuel towards making some more educated decisions about your own life. Like perhaps starting to attend some online support groups.

I don't feel sorry for either one of you and that's what your post leads me to believe you're looking for. It's time for you to showcase your stiff upper lip.
LumenandNyx is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to LumenandNyx For This Useful Post:
Ann (07-23-2020)
Old 07-23-2020, 12:34 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 56,523
The worst part is, I want to be with him and I want it to work but I know he wonít change.

Yes he will, 2 weeks in rehab is not recovery, so the circus is back in town.

It doesn't matter what he says, it doesn't matter what your family says or wants to do, you are the one who needs to make your own decisions here. What you would like life to look like with him is an illusion. What life has been will only get worse.

You get to choose, continue to walk through hell or grab a lifeline and end this toxic relationship. Both will be painful but leaving is healthy painful, staying is allowing the pain to get worse. You choose.

Ann is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
Indigochild (07-29-2020)
Old 07-23-2020, 12:37 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 56,523
Have you read this?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...your-life.html (Letting Go ~ The Journey That Can Change Your Life)
Ann is offline  
Old 07-23-2020, 01:18 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
any
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by LumenandNyx View Post
I find it curious that no one else has replied to you yet.

"Is it bad if I donít give him another chance?" It's stupid to give him another chance. Stupid.

"Iím just so lost I donít know how to end this relationship. I tried and then I flaked out because he just made me feel bad and then I got sad." Oh, Boo Hoo. Jeez! Look at how you're coming across. No one is that weak. Stop doing this to yourself. Don't TRY - just LEAVE and DON'T GO BACK. Trying is a waste of time. Doing accomplishes things.

It doesn't matter what people in your family think about him. And all you're doing by sharing that information here is fueling useless thoughts. Yes - we all have useless thoughts that pop into our heads out of nowhere. You need to learn how to discern what is important to consider and what thoughts are simply taking up valuable brain space.

"He hasnít done anything for me in the whole year weíve been dating and I just donít want to get hurt again." Are you bothering to read the things you're writing? You don't seem to have much of a spine, woman. Where is it? Where'd it go? Have you ever had one? Do you think you could find it because you really need it right now.

I suggest you muster up some inner strength and then burn it like rocket fuel towards making some more educated decisions about your own life. Like perhaps starting to attend some online support groups.

I don't feel sorry for either one of you and that's what your post leads me to believe you're looking for. It's time for you to showcase your stiff upper lip.
Iím not asking for sympathy, this is my last post. I understand you are trying to help but this reply came off as rude to me. You honestly donít know anything Iíve been through besides what Iíve said. Iím deleting my account, I get youíre trying to help but after your reply Iíd rather just go after it alone. I didnít mean to ask for ďsympathyĒ I just wanted insight from others on the best way to go about this. Yes itís stupid for me to want to be wirh him, but I love him. I only want the best for him. I get you were trying to help but obviously this wasnít the right place to ask. Thanks anyway
any is offline  
Old 07-23-2020, 01:20 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
any
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 22
[QUOTE=Ann;7482200]Have you read this?

I just did thank you.
any is offline  
Old 07-23-2020, 01:58 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 186,642
Blog Entries: 1
Hi Any

I'm sure you're right that everyone wants to help, but I'm sorry that some of our members in their haste to help may sometimes misconstrue what help actually is.

I hope that you can decide whats best for you with you and your bf/ex. I think you know already what that is for you - I hope find the wherewithal to make it happen

I hope you stick around - there is a lot of good useful support here

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Anna (07-23-2020), Indigochild (07-29-2020)
Old 07-23-2020, 02:45 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 27,437
Please don't leave, any. I'm sorry you got a less than helpful response, but really, most people here are very welcoming. Please don't let one person make you leave the forum. There is an ignore function you can use if you find a particular member's responses unhelpful.

Please stay.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
Anna (07-23-2020), Dee74 (07-23-2020), greeteachday (07-26-2020), mnjen (07-24-2020)
Old 07-29-2020, 09:38 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by any View Post
Iím not asking for sympathy, this is my last post. I understand you are trying to help but this reply came off as rude to me. You honestly donít know anything Iíve been through besides what Iíve said. Iím deleting my account, I get youíre trying to help but after your reply Iíd rather just go after it alone. I didnít mean to ask for ďsympathyĒ I just wanted insight from others on the best way to go about this. Yes itís stupid for me to want to be wirh him, but I love him. I only want the best for him. I get you were trying to help but obviously this wasnít the right place to ask. Thanks anyway
I can understand how it came across as rude to you, but in my view its actually the attitude you can come to understand and expect when someone has a lot of experience with an addict. They call it tough love. I hope you haven't deleted your account as the advice you will come across now is what you will need.

Living life with an active addict is pretty much throwing your life away, loving them so much and getting no quality in return. I think you need to try and understand, we all have an idea of what you have been through, and its quite possible that you have no idea what we have been through and this is what we will try and advise you on. Many of us here have wasted years on loving addicted partners, ones we can actually leave but choose not to (as opposed to parents family members etc) it's not a lifestyle that I would wish willingly on anyone. It's no fun, it hurts and it will get worse than you can ever imagine. It rarely gets better. Out of interest? What's his drug of choice?

I believe if you are dealing with an addict, you need to develop a thick skin. It's certainly something to work on or you will be in no end of pain. Did I read in another post that you are 19? Man, when I look back at my 19 year old self, it's so, so sad to think of someone that age going through the role of partner of an addict. It's really very sad, I mean it is for anyone of any age, but 19 you have so much ahead of you and now is the time to mold your future into what you want it to be. Develop as a person and not get to an age where you look back with such regret at the time you wasted.

We can only advise and you can really try to take it in, or not. It is a really difficult situation that all of us here have been in. I hope you do come back as advice and support really can make you feel a little better in those terribly dark times.

IC x
Indigochild is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Indigochild For This Useful Post:
LumenandNyx (07-29-2020)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:23 PM.