I’m lost
 

I recently posted two threads(I know it’s a lot) I did the “what role to play in his life” and “advice needed now”
He ended up somehow roping me back in, all of this back and forth isn’t good for anybody and I’m just at the point of not even speaking to him. I keep like ranting but I’m just so lost. I wasn’t answering him and then he ended up leaving rehab and I was like what, he was only there for not even 2 weeks. He promises to be a better boyfriend but I almost feel like it’s too late. Is it bad if I don’t give him another chance? I’m just so lost I don’t know how to end this relationship. I tried and then I flaked out because he just made me feel bad and then I got sad. My entire family hates him. My brother wants to call him and tell him to leave me alone. My dad wants me to go back to college early. My mom wants to call his parents and be like your son needs to get out of my daughters life. It’s just getting to be a lot of pressure. The worst part is, I want to be with him and I want it to work but I know he won’t change. I can’t take the stress of his ex coming back into his life. He’s like back at work and I don’t want to ruin his first day back but I’m at the point of just giving my mom my phone for the weekend and just step away Friday- Sunday. I don’t even want to tell him I’m doing that. I tried texting him we need to talk and I couldn’t send it. I don’t know why this is so hard for me. I go through phases, one second I’m like get him out of my life he’s just gonna break my heart and the next second I’m like give him a chance you never know. He hasn’t done anything for me in the whole year we’ve been dating and I just don’t want to get hurt again. Listening to different perspectives helps me a lot that’s why I’m posting again.

I find it curious that no one else has replied to you yet.

"Is it bad if I don’t give him another chance?" It's stupid to give him another chance. Stupid.

"I’m just so lost I don’t know how to end this relationship. I tried and then I flaked out because he just made me feel bad and then I got sad." Oh, Boo Hoo. Jeez! Look at how you're coming across. No one is that weak. Stop doing this to yourself. Don't TRY - just LEAVE and DON'T GO BACK. Trying is a waste of time. Doing accomplishes things.

It doesn't matter what people in your family think about him. And all you're doing by sharing that information here is fueling useless thoughts. Yes - we all have useless thoughts that pop into our heads out of nowhere. You need to learn how to discern what is important to consider and what thoughts are simply taking up valuable brain space.

"He hasn’t done anything for me in the whole year we’ve been dating and I just don’t want to get hurt again." Are you bothering to read the things you're writing? You don't seem to have much of a spine, woman. Where is it? Where'd it go? Have you ever had one? Do you think you could find it because you really need it right now.

I suggest you muster up some inner strength and then burn it like rocket fuel towards making some more educated decisions about your own life. Like perhaps starting to attend some online support groups.

I don't feel sorry for either one of you and that's what your post leads me to believe you're looking for. It's time for you to showcase your stiff upper lip.

The worst part is, I want to be with him and I want it to work but I know he won’t change.

Yes he will, 2 weeks in rehab is not recovery, so the circus is back in town.

It doesn't matter what he says, it doesn't matter what your family says or wants to do, you are the one who needs to make your own decisions here. What you would like life to look like with him is an illusion. What life has been will only get worse.

You get to choose, continue to walk through hell or grab a lifeline and end this toxic relationship. Both will be painful but leaving is healthy painful, staying is allowing the pain to get worse. You choose.

Have you read this?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...your-life.html

I’m not asking for sympathy, this is my last post. I understand you are trying to help but this reply came off as rude to me. You honestly don’t know anything I’ve been through besides what I’ve said. I’m deleting my account, I get you’re trying to help but after your reply I’d rather just go after it alone. I didn’t mean to ask for “sympathy” I just wanted insight from others on the best way to go about this. Yes it’s stupid for me to want to be wirh him, but I love him. I only want the best for him. I get you were trying to help but obviously this wasn’t the right place to ask. Thanks anyway

[QUOTE=Ann;7482200]Have you read this?

I just did thank you.

Hi Any

I'm sure you're right that everyone wants to help, but I'm sorry that some of our members in their haste to help may sometimes misconstrue what help actually is.

I hope that you can decide whats best for you with you and your bf/ex. I think you know already what that is for you - I hope find the wherewithal to make it happen :)

I hope you stick around - there is a lot of good useful support here :)

D

Please don't leave, any. I'm sorry you got a less than helpful response, but really, most people here are very welcoming. Please don't let one person make you leave the forum. There is an ignore function you can use if you find a particular member's responses unhelpful.

Please stay.

I can understand how it came across as rude to you, but in my view its actually the attitude you can come to understand and expect when someone has a lot of experience with an addict. They call it tough love. I hope you haven't deleted your account as the advice you will come across now is what you will need.

Living life with an active addict is pretty much throwing your life away, loving them so much and getting no quality in return. I think you need to try and understand, we all have an idea of what you have been through, and its quite possible that you have no idea what we have been through and this is what we will try and advise you on. Many of us here have wasted years on loving addicted partners, ones we can actually leave but choose not to (as opposed to parents family members etc) it's not a lifestyle that I would wish willingly on anyone. It's no fun, it hurts and it will get worse than you can ever imagine. It rarely gets better. Out of interest? What's his drug of choice?

I believe if you are dealing with an addict, you need to develop a thick skin. It's certainly something to work on or you will be in no end of pain. Did I read in another post that you are 19? Man, when I look back at my 19 year old self, it's so, so sad to think of someone that age going through the role of partner of an addict. It's really very sad, I mean it is for anyone of any age, but 19 you have so much ahead of you and now is the time to mold your future into what you want it to be. Develop as a person and not get to an age where you look back with such regret at the time you wasted.

We can only advise and you can really try to take it in, or not. It is a really difficult situation that all of us here have been in. I hope you do come back as advice and support really can make you feel a little better in those terribly dark times.

IC x

Any, I hope you stick around. I understand being roped back in all too well. It is a learning curve. The more you take time to post here and learn about yourself the stronger you will become. Have patience with yourself through this process. There are some very good life coach videos on youtube that are free and that I have found to be very helpful. One is Dr Ramani. Stephanie Lyn is another good one. Everyone is on their own journey and some of us take a longer time to arrive at that place where we feel confident and strong enough to leave abusive, toxic relationships. The thing to remember is that we all get there at our own pace and through a lot of self awareness and reaching out. Keep posting and know you can take what you want and leave the rest. I think the fact that you are willing to go no contact and take time to not answer his calls and texts is a step in the right direction!