Alxn8r

Hello everyone. I am hoping that some of you can answer a question about addict behavior for me. I am a totally "straight edge" normie. I've never been drunk in my life. Never smoked a cigarette. I'm 46 years old. Unfortunately, all of my relationships have been with addicts. 13 years married to an alcoholic. He cheated and left me because he wanted to be with someone who lived his party lifestyle. Post divorce, I lived with an even worse alcoholic for 2 years. An absolute maniac. He also cheated and left me for a party girl. I won't bother describing the many flings I've had over the years because they were with guys who were just like the 2 mentioned already, but nothing long term. A few months ago I got involved with a guy who has a horrible history of drug abuse and rehab stints. But, I was not aware of this right away. He was pulling out all the stops to make me comfortable with him and I bought his stories hook, line, and sinker. All the signs of an active drug addict were there, but I focused on how hard he was working to rebuild his life and ignored the rest. He is on Adderall and Xanax (both prescribed). He takes a narcotic painkiller too, but I don't know which one. He takes Effexor for depression. He also smokes weed daily and during the COVID lockdown, when he was not being drug tested by his counselor, he bought cocaine, ecstacy, mushrooms, and DMT, and used all of it over the course of 1 month. I, of course, did none of it and he didn't ask me to. 2 weeks ago, I was with him when a local girl who is a well known addict stopped by his shop (he's a tattoo artist). She was there with her 16 yr old son and some married guy she was "kicking it" with. She needed hers and her son's tattoos fixed. She announced that she was "off the wagon", talked about having a "red room" and just shamelessly flirted with my dude. I wasn't concerned because she was an obvious wreck and after she left, my guy referred to her as "white trash" and insulted her looks. Well, less than a week later, he posted a picture of them together on his social media! I was absolutely shocked. They were all over each other. He and I were friends on social media too! I was bound to see it. And he had just contacted me that morning! My stomach has been sick ever since. I immediately called him, ripped him apart, and that was all she wrote. But I just cannot understand why he didn't want to stay with me. I'm a beautiful woman and I have everything going for me. That girl has 4 kids, parties with them, and is visited by the police on a regular basis. My self esteem is in the gutter now! Why did he choose her? Is it for the ease and comfort of being with a fellow addict? How could he just post those pics with no regard for me, the girl he had been hanging out with so recently? Although we were not exclusive (it had only been a couple months and I live an hour away) we had already stayed at each other's places. I should add that he told me that morning he had to move out of his current place. He's obviously living with that girl now. Is this normal behavior for an addict???

D122y

I think us addicts come is all variations. I managed to do ok so far, but I don't brag of my drunken escapades to anyone.

If I was totally honest about how I lived from 12 to 37 my wife of 20 years would likely curl up and die.

The past is like an old paper back, throw it away and get a new one.

It might make you feel a little better knowing that my sister struggles with picking winners as well.

No advice, only prayers for your peace. Sounds like you well deserve it.

Thanks.

Alxn8r

Thank you d122y. 😊 I'm happy that you got clean so you can have some good years with your lady. I know a few good people who have kicked their bad habits and are still going strong. I guess I always hope these guys will be able to do the same. I will be starting CODA meetings this week. Should help. I've already been through Al-Anon. I just need to keep going so I don't get involved with another substance abuser.

trailmix

Hi Alxn and welcome, glad you found SR.

First of all I wanted to point you in the direction of the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum. It's a bit busier than this forum and I'm sure you will find many posts you can relate to. It's important to learn about addiction and its affects, for yourself.

As for the question, is this normal behaviour. You have had 2 relationships where the addict (alcoholic) left you for a party girl. Now this last guy has. Addiction is addiction regardless of the drug. Not all addicts are cut from the same cloth, some certainly still have their integrity or a good part of it intact, there are those that are somewhere in the middle and those that have lost it. You seem to have stumbled on some people who are in the latter group.

Drugs/alcohol make people lose their inhibitions and a lot of other things, although that doesn't mean everyone who drinks will run to a party girl/guy!

Anyway, I'm sorry you got hurt but again, would recommend you read the posts in the forum below and post there as well if you would like to.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

You may also find some of the threads at the top of that same forum in the stickies section helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

Alxn8r

Thank you trailmix! I will start reading the posts on the alcoholic forum today! Anything I can do to get over this painful "hump" is exactly what I need.