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How do you deal with the lies?

Old 05-04-2020, 05:38 PM
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How do you deal with the lies?

I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we have lived together 1.5 years. His 4 year sober date (from heroin) was in early March. Yesterday I was doing the laundry and found empty suboxone packets. I confronted him and he told me he had been taking it for 5 months. He then continued to lie about details and when I was packing by bags to get away he admitted to some of these lies. I am so lost. I knew relapse was possible but he (I believed) was in his 5th year of recovery and doing well. I don't even know what to do. I'm so hurt by his lying and deceit. Any advice welcome, I did attend a phone AlAnon meeting today and I have a therapist I am in touch with.
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Old 05-04-2020, 10:33 PM
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I'm sorry this happened to you. However, I'm confused. Isn't Suboxone used to treat heroin addiction? Isn't it considered therapeutic?
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Old 05-05-2020, 04:44 AM
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Originally Posted by BeckoningCat View Post
I'm sorry this happened to you. However, I'm confused. Isn't Suboxone used to treat heroin addiction? Isn't it considered therapeutic?
Technically yes and used to get off heroin and prescribed by a doctor. However he had been clean for almost 4 years and then started buying it off the streets. People can get high from it and abuse it.
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Old 05-05-2020, 12:58 PM
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Hi and welcome. How do you deal with the lies? Well, really that is up to you and your way of being in the world.

You can either accept him just the way he is, lies and all, or not, it's kind of that simple (although what follows either one of those decisions is complicated, of course).

You can't change other people. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).

He is who he is, if that is a deal breaker for you, the lies and the drug taking, then it is, if so, your next steps are clear. Baby steps if needed, come up with a plan to exit this.

If you would prefer to stay, he will be who he will be, how you deal with that, by detaching emotionally, finding your own life while still living with him or any other avenue, that needs a plan as well. You are not powerless here, you can control your actions.
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Old 05-06-2020, 06:08 AM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Hi and welcome. How do you deal with the lies? Well, really that is up to you and your way of being in the world.

You can either accept him just the way he is, lies and all, or not, it's kind of that simple (although what follows either one of those decisions is complicated, of course).

You can't change other people. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).

He is who he is, if that is a deal breaker for you, the lies and the drug taking, then it is, if so, your next steps are clear. Baby steps if needed, come up with a plan to exit this.

If you would prefer to stay, he will be who he will be, how you deal with that, by detaching emotionally, finding your own life while still living with him or any other avenue, that needs a plan as well. You are not powerless here, you can control your actions.
Thank you for this response. He is planning on detoxing this weekend. I'm terrified for multiple reasons. Dealing with the detox, him realizing he can't do the detox and goes back to using, and him pretending to detox but continuing to lie. I suppose this is something I will have to deal with at the time but it doesn't help my anxiety currently.
thank you for the reminder to focus on me and caring about myself. His addiction isn't about me and i need to remember that.
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