How do you deal with the lies?
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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How do you deal with the lies?
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we have lived together 1.5 years. His 4 year sober date (from heroin) was in early March. Yesterday I was doing the laundry and found empty suboxone packets. I confronted him and he told me he had been taking it for 5 months. He then continued to lie about details and when I was packing by bags to get away he admitted to some of these lies. I am so lost. I knew relapse was possible but he (I believed) was in his 5th year of recovery and doing well. I don't even know what to do. I'm so hurt by his lying and deceit. Any advice welcome, I did attend a phone AlAnon meeting today and I have a therapist I am in touch with.
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Originally Posted by BeckoningCat 
I'm sorry this happened to you. However, I'm confused. Isn't Suboxone used to treat heroin addiction? Isn't it considered therapeutic?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Hi and welcome. How do you deal with the lies? Well, really that is up to you and your way of being in the world.
You can either accept him just the way he is, lies and all, or not, it's kind of that simple (although what follows either one of those decisions is complicated, of course).
You can't change other people. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
He is who he is, if that is a deal breaker for you, the lies and the drug taking, then it is, if so, your next steps are clear. Baby steps if needed, come up with a plan to exit this.
If you would prefer to stay, he will be who he will be, how you deal with that, by detaching emotionally, finding your own life while still living with him or any other avenue, that needs a plan as well. You are not powerless here, you can control your actions.
You can either accept him just the way he is, lies and all, or not, it's kind of that simple (although what follows either one of those decisions is complicated, of course).
You can't change other people. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
He is who he is, if that is a deal breaker for you, the lies and the drug taking, then it is, if so, your next steps are clear. Baby steps if needed, come up with a plan to exit this.
If you would prefer to stay, he will be who he will be, how you deal with that, by detaching emotionally, finding your own life while still living with him or any other avenue, that needs a plan as well. You are not powerless here, you can control your actions.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by trailmix
Hi and welcome. How do you deal with the lies? Well, really that is up to you and your way of being in the world.
You can either accept him just the way he is, lies and all, or not, it's kind of that simple (although what follows either one of those decisions is complicated, of course).
You can't change other people. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
He is who he is, if that is a deal breaker for you, the lies and the drug taking, then it is, if so, your next steps are clear. Baby steps if needed, come up with a plan to exit this.
If you would prefer to stay, he will be who he will be, how you deal with that, by detaching emotionally, finding your own life while still living with him or any other avenue, that needs a plan as well. You are not powerless here, you can control your actions.
You can either accept him just the way he is, lies and all, or not, it's kind of that simple (although what follows either one of those decisions is complicated, of course).
You can't change other people. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
He is who he is, if that is a deal breaker for you, the lies and the drug taking, then it is, if so, your next steps are clear. Baby steps if needed, come up with a plan to exit this.
If you would prefer to stay, he will be who he will be, how you deal with that, by detaching emotionally, finding your own life while still living with him or any other avenue, that needs a plan as well. You are not powerless here, you can control your actions.
thank you for the reminder to focus on me and caring about myself. His addiction isn't about me and i need to remember that.
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