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My boyfriend relapsed

Old 05-01-2020, 04:33 PM
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My boyfriend relapsed

Hi everyone,
Iím so glad I found this forum, to be truthful Iím not in a good place right now and really donít know who to talk to. Long story short, my boyfriend and I met on an online dating site about a year ago, we instantly clicked like Iíve never clicked with anyone before, texted/ facetimed/snapchatted all day everyday (at the time we were living in different cities so we really met in person like 2 months after)
and when we met in person is like weíd known each other for ever. It felt like Iíd me met my soulmate.
I knew about his struggle with addiction and at the moment he was 3 yrs sober.
Well, fast forward to about 2 months ago he Suffered a serious injury and started taking Kratom in secrecy. Well he got depend it on it, and he completely changed. He was supper hit and cold with me, short temper and I even caught him texting/snapchatting with some girls in a very flirtatious way.
When I confronted him first he claimed it wasnít a big deal, then he said he just felt so ****** about himself that he needed validation.
fastforward to this week, he started taking benzodiazepines to help with his Kratom withdrawals, and it started to get out of control; but thankfully his family and best friends are involved now and it seems like we have a solid plan to get him out of this.
the reason for my post is because I donít know what to do; itís been so overwhelming to find out about all of this, the lying, the secret messages, all of that.
he says he loves me and he wants to get better and fix us; I talked to him and told him that his sobriety comes first and for now Iíll be supportive and when his better we can talk about whatís going to happen to us. He said he wanted me By his side, and I thought I could do that. But Iím really not okay, he just ignores me all day and I find myself kinda chasing after him. If I donít text, he doesnít; I understand his head is not on the right place, but I see him online on social media all day, and he canít even answer my texts; and if weíre together, he's answering text messages constantly (I know these msgs are just to friends and family or work related)

I just donít know what to do with myself, itís really tearing me apart, he says he loves me and he wants a future with me, and I donít think itís too much to ask for a little bit of interest on his part; but maybe it is too much and Iím being selfish.
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trailmix (05-01-2020)
Old 05-01-2020, 11:30 PM
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Hi anachavez and welcome.
No, it's not too much to ask at all. Just because he has an addiction problem does not mean he gets to treat you with less than kindness and respect - as you would expect from anyone, including a partner.
I would suggest mentioning this to him and if he doesn't respond with action - not words, perhaps leave it for a while. He has a lot of demons to slay. Getting clean and sober is a big job.
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Old 05-02-2020, 01:12 PM
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Thank you for the insight; this morning I also found out he might have smoked some meth last night and drove and spent the night in a place thatís notorious for strip clubs and easy access to drugs (his sisters and I have been looking at his location on his phone)
when his sisters confronted him this morning he denied everything & right now heís acting normal and like nothing is going on.
I know heís just lying to us all and at this moment he doesnít care about anyone or anything; and that the best thing for me to do is walk away, however he just got a car with my credit and Iím afraid that if he really fully relapses heíll lose his job and leave me with the financial responsibility of the car, which I canít afford.
I donít know what to do, Iím completely lost and so broken
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Old 05-02-2020, 11:25 PM
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Well you certainly can't stay with him because of the car. Is the car in your name? If so can you perhaps return to the dealership and see what they will offer you for it now?If it was a private sale, perhaps check out what you could sell it for (should do this either way).Then take possession of the car and sell it. You may have to pay off a small balance, perhaps that is financially viable for you.You won't win against the drugs.Hang in there, keep posting. You may also want to check out Alanon or Nar Anon online meetings.
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Old 05-02-2020, 11:27 PM
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You may also want to check out the friends and family of alcoholics forums, after all, addiction is addiction and that forum is much busier, although the entire site has been quiet lately and also there are formatting problems (that's why I type everything in 1 paragraph!) Here is the link to that forum.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
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Old 05-09-2020, 07:13 PM
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The best thing to do it tell the whole internet about your boyfriend.
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