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Fed up of being fed up

Old 04-19-2020, 08:14 AM
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Fed up of being fed up

dont even know where to start.. maybe i should start from the beginning i suppose. But this will be a longg longg post

With my partner for nearly 10 years, we met young 17 to be exact... we had a great relationship loved each other very much or so i thought? Went on lots of holidays together and basicly were attatched at the hip. My partner drank alot when we were younger. God so i did its what u do when your young or again so i thought.. as we grew and rented our first flst together at 20 everything was still great we then moved to our first house. This is when i started to realise. That hr was STILL taking cocaine... i say still as i knew he done it when he was younger more fool me for thinking it was something he would grow out of... any way... the arguments started him saying it wasnt a problem me saying it was. After 2 years of this back and forth (at this stage i still didnt think it was a problem to the extent it was) i then called it quite told him to pack his bags and he said he could not live with out me.. that night without going into major detail as it still hurts i found him on my stairs he had hung himself. Luckily i got there on time. Ambulance came police came wnd they took him away i sat in a&e for two horrible hours not knowing if he was alive or dead. Fast forward a yea and things were good i thought he had realised how bad this was and we have just bought our first home together! Fast forward nearly another year we got engaged my ring was perfect i couldnt have picked it better myself!! But about 5 months maybe 6 later...and the drugs all came to surface again! There had been arguments over his drinking which to me seemed to be increasing to him it wasnt... so again i said ive had enough. He lived with his mum for 2 weeks or so and i came home.from.work to him oj our step breaking his heart with flowers telling me how much he missed me how he loved me and would do anything for me! I said ok lets try. 2 months or so later. I found out i was pregnant. But it only got WORSE we wentnon holidag when i was 3 months to have our last us time before there was 3 of us! It was nice.. one month agter that here we go again another drug bill for nearl 1000 needs paid! Fab he have a baby on the way... so i told him me and his child or the drink and drugs and guess what? He walked away.. fastfoward 3 months he is living with an older lady who shares the same problems i wasnt to contact he would do weekly "check ins" as i was just an incubator to him ....his words.. so 29 weeks pregnant i then find out baby has stopped growing. I let him know to be told im making it up to hurt him? Yeah thats what im doing jeeez! Anyway he appeared at the hospital (bottle of wine down his jumper i may add) and then i was in for 2 weeks. I let him intonthe labour asni felt like i needed him there i needed to hear his voice! He slept through most of it as he was having withdrawels... anyway baby is here 4.13lbs and it my life just went from hell to more hell. We got bsck together me hoping that our child would maybr make him see the light? Little did i know thid woman was still in th3 background... another horrible 2 months walking in on them together etc u name it anf it was finally just us 3 the way i always wanted it! He moved back in i done my best to forget hr was in such a bad place and blamrd it alll on drink and drugs and again loved me so si much yadda yadda yadda.. 2 years down the line. So many arguments over drink and drugs (all when son wasnt there i made sure of this) yeah i done the usual ultimatums you name it.. we would have some lovely family times then some horrible where r you why are u not home are u still alive times??? God it was horrible but i would have done ANYTHUNG for him i loved him i loved him more than myself. I work i run the house the hasnt paid joint mortgage in 3 1/2 years or providied for his son nothing.. anyway i just kept thinkiny he is still struggling it will get better he will go back to hard working guy i kniw and love bla bla bla. Fastfoward again to now? He hasnt seen his son in 10 weeks we have no contact as guess what? He didnt love me amymore he hadnt loved me for years and guess what again yep found out THE NEXT DAY he is living with another woman again! And it hurt more this time. The pain was unbelieveable but i picked myself up went to a lawyer to deal with the house once and for all. He had never been alone with out son i always supervised hut after abuse threats u name i refuse to do that now and told my lawyer i wanted a contact centre with drink and drug tests! Today i recieve a message from said new girlfriend asking to not ti go to courts he will do anything he is broke without his son bla bla bla... but i went to a lawyer 10 weeks ago???? Why now he then fones me to tell me how healthy he is now how he is the happiest he has ever been and how he will proove me wrong and pass tests with flying colours... oh and wait for this. He wants ME TO TAKE DRUG TESTS and will be telling his lawyer this.

i dont even know why im writint all this on here i just feel like i need to vent i just feel like im never going to get over all of this. Ive not once contacted him im doing it through lawyers but he always finds a way to drag me down and kick me in the teeth! I done everything i could for this guy gave him the world for 10 years and he didnt even have th3 d3cency to ebd our relationship and tell me ge gad met someone else??

please kick some sense into me there were times h3 was reported missing and found sleeping in my shed. My neighbours have seen him 3 weeks ago snooping srounf my house and looking in my windows (i called the police) i just dont know what to do anymore!! I want my son to hav3 a happy alcohol and drug free life and i dont want this to effect him but feel guilty that he hasnt seen his dad??

there are so many more things i could dig up but this was just some of them to get the just of it
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Old 04-20-2020, 03:36 PM
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Ann
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Nic, you have been through a lot and more is bound to come until you say "enough".

It ends when you say it does.

This is a good time to get legal advice, know your rights, prepare paper work to keep him from sneaking around your place...and then take back your power.

He isn't going to change any time soon, his words mean nothing. His actions over a long period of time may show change, but right now he is just playing the game and saying what he needs to to get what he wants.

You and your child need to be safe and away from this man and his behaviour. There is no room for addiction in a healthy home.

Please make a plan and claim back your life.

Hugs
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Old 04-21-2020, 05:06 AM
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He was doing better before he left "the benders" had turned into a night or two not a week or two.. i just feel now like if he is sober and healthy the way he is saying with this new oersin (who is 10 years older) was it my fault? Was he actually that unhappy with me is that why he was doing it? I just dont understand how 10 years can be flung away so easily! Its heartbreaking i know i dont need him or even wajt him anymore. But why does he get to be happy and in a new relationship and laugh at me? Why is it me who needs to be left picking up the peices of EVERYTHINGGG ugh just so down with it all
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Old 04-21-2020, 11:36 AM
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Ann
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Oh I promise you, as long as he us still using he is NOT happy. He needs to convince himself that he is happier now, or face the reality of all he has done, to himself and others, and take responsibility for his choices.

Sometimes relationships become toxic and when they do, the healthiest and safest thing to do is to not look back, but to set your eye on the road ahead and make a plan to live your life well.
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