It just hit me...
 

I just thought of this, and it really put a realization of it all for me - "His master is the drug. And it will do with him what it wants."
I went and talked with him last night... he knows my boundary, about sleeping with anyone else, while he's pseudo-with me, or a relationship, whatever it may be... he kept saying over n over again, but it didn't happen... my response was, only because she said no...

tonight, he is at a party, with her... because she invited him, and it will have his beloved drug...

I have to keep in mind, tho he may say all these sweet things to me, his drug, and whoever he gets it from, will always take top spot...

boundaries don't tell others what they can and cannot do, they tell us what WE will do in certain events. telling him he can't sleep around is a rule or ultimatum - and good luck with that.

one should ask instead - if i have to tell my pseudo-partner that it is not ok to sleep with anyone else -what the heck am i doing with this person????

For an addict the substance will always come first. Each and every time.

I know it's hard to move on, but do you want this in 5 years time?

I don't know why you would think he is not sleeping with her. They are both doing drugs together, so they are sleeping together.

Yes, it's hard to move on.

So do you think he doesn't have agency in all of this? Yes, he's an addict, and yes, he'll do whatever is necessary to maintain the feeling of being under the influence. But remember, he's making that choice. Just as he's choosing to be with someone other than you.

Perhaps now is a good time to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend your life, yearning for a man who chooses himself time after time.