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Old 12-20-2019, 01:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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19 year old heroin user in my home


Hi allFirst if all my mind is so scrambled that I first posted this to the wrong forum it was for new recovery not for familyís and friends of addicts.
This is the first time Iíve used any forum. Iím not on social media and am a very private person. However after reading some posts here I realize this might be the right place for me. My 19 year old daughter has been smoking heroin in my home for the past couple of months. I just found this out about 4 weeks ago I had absolutely no idea and since then my life has been turned upside down. She detoxed for about 5 days when I found out and we had resources in place to help her with recovery. Long story short Iíve been going to the counseling and she has decided to use again. wow this addiction takes hold fast and furiously to say the least. She doesnít leave her room doesnít work but manages to get $ and get heroin and does this all while living under my roof or without me or her stepdad seeing it. Her personality has changed and sheís isolating and avoiding at all costs like not even leaving her room for 12 hours. Iím in constant fear she is dead in her room and have to knock and make sure sheís alive. My life is now sleeping with two naloxone kits by my bedside table and constant fear of losing her. We have also isolated ourselves from everyone because of this complete dysfunctional and insane situation. I have asked her to leave this weekend because we have company staying with us and I just canít have her doing what sheís doing and pretending like everything is ok! Wtf this is nuts. Iím not sure what to do if she doesnít leave?? Anyone else gone through this?
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Old 12-20-2019, 04:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi BCSad,
Sorry to read about your daughter
My son , who is my addict, is almost 26, and currently in prison.
He was 20 when we asked him to leave the family home. Life had become positively unbearable with his drug use, plus he was dealing also.
He left with no argument, although I would have called the police to have him removed, if he had refused. He did return to my home over the initial months, not to live I have to say, nor did he get over the doorstep, but to attempt to get money, and became abusive and violent when refused - I called the police. I called them numerous times actually, and eventually that behaviour stopped.
No one wants to have to put their kid out of the family home, but addiction changes all the rules. It becomes survival to protect ourselves, our home and our belongings. His behaviour impacted on my health, and could have had an impact on our jobs. What then? Its madness to place ourselves on the sacrificial alter, for 1 persons behaviour. It wouldn't change a thing anyway.
Stick to your guns. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but she leaves you no option.
Much Love
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Old 12-20-2019, 04:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks for your post! Itís insane how they can turn our worlds upside down with them. I have been off of work this week and the two weeks when I thought I would help her through detox and recovery. I hope she leaves on her own accord. I went to my counselor and he said the same basically if she doesnít leave then call the cops and let them know the situation and they will escort her to a shelter. So sad either way but man I just canít do it anymore I have no more left to give her and my love doesnít seem to help her so yeah this is it.
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Old 12-20-2019, 04:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You do reach that point of having no more to give. My son was sucking the very life out of me. We really do need to take care of ourselves. It's not selfish, it's necessary.
Seems 100 times worse at this time of year too! My son left on 1st of December 2014. Ran the gaunlet of homeless accomodation, own tenancy - which he ruined by his choices. That's on him.
Wouldn't it be great if our love was enough to change their path. But it ain't. Nothing I did in my attempts to "help" made any impact, sadly. It took me a while to truly accept that, but when I did, I found it liberating.
Much Love
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Old 12-21-2019, 10:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It is so hard! I highly recommend Nar-Anon meetings if there are any where you live. If not, Al-Anon can be a good source of support for you. Living with another's addiction can be very lonely, scary, and isolating. Glad to see you reaching out here.

Last edited by mayabee; 12-21-2019 at 10:51 AM. Reason: Clarity
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Old 12-24-2019, 02:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I was a 17 year old heroin user living under my parents roof. Iím in my 30s now and havenít used heroin for fourteen years. My advice may not be an option for you, but it was necessary for my recovery and for a lot of the successful recoveries of friends of mine. I had to move away. I was lucky that my momís sister on the other side of the country was willing to take me in if I promised to give my everything to creating a new life for myself, and I did. Without the temptation of my old haunts and acquaintances, I was able to create a life that didnít include drugs. Started community college, worked my way up to university, and made new friends that I didnít need to talk about my previous drug use with if I didnít want to.

Iím on these forums because in my twenties I began abusing alcohol, which Iím working on overcoming (with pretty good success) but Iíve never gone back to the H.

Good of luck with your daughter. Itís a terrible burden, drug addiction. I am grateful that my parents chose not to enable my addiction and that we had be resources to send me away so I didnít have easy access to drugs while I was in early recover.

Best wishes.
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Old 12-26-2019, 07:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Been living this nightmare for 10 years. Sober, relapse, sober, relapse. We are currently in relaspe mode. She is 30. This time however is different because we now have an innocent child along for the roller coaster ride. We are seeing an attorney on Monday to discuss our options. We were looking forward to retirement. Our likely future? Raising a 2 year old. Where will our AD go? Jail? The streets? A friends couch? I don't know but we have a child to protect and that is what we have to do. Wish we would have kicked her out years ago.

My advice? Take the door to her bedroom off the hinges. Take YOUR home BACK. If she can't live by your rules then tell her to leave. And if you can't do that well...be prepared to enter my world because if your child is female and an addict, more likely than not, raising a grandchild is in your future.
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Old 12-27-2019, 09:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank you for your posts! She never did leave when I asked her. I talked to her dad my ex who I thought was onboard with what was going on as I explained everything!!! He decided it would be a good idea to bring our daughter to his girlfriends parents house for Xmas for a few days. Even though they lost their 19 year old (not sure how many years ago) to an overdose..... and their young kids were there too! Anyways after discovering how bad things really were in our home as we saw some evidence on how she has been making money in her room online across the hall from ours ( my husband and I decided enough is enough. So I told her she is not welcome back home... she started the emotional manipulation and threatening to od and kill herself etc etc!! How can I do this at Xmas??!!!! I informed her dad whom she was with and told him to take her to the hospital... he basically told me this was very bad timing for me to do this and that he had a really good talk with her the previous day and she was going to work on herself and get better. He wasnít going to send her off in her state of mind so he guessed he would have to put her up in a hotel for a few days!!! What????? This is so messed up he was telling me before treatment was the best option! She has become nasty I guess because she has lost her tool for her use.... OUR HOME! this is all so crazy I never thought my daughter could be so nasty and cruel and have such a loss of morals. Yesterday I packed her car up with all of her belongings.... which weíve put over $3000 into since sept because of her dui and her ex-boyfriend messing it up! Sheís supposed to have someone pick it up even though thereís no insurance on it. But you know what we need to heel because this has been the most horrific time in our lives. If we let her back into our home she will just get back to her ways.... horrible mom that I am I guess. I cannot morally live with myself to allow that ever again. Bad timing!??? When is kicking your child out of your home ever good timing !?? Or chiding to start using heroin when is that ever good timing?!!! I need to claim my sanity back
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Old 12-28-2019, 07:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Heroin is an extremely destructive & dangerous drug. No matter how they are taking it it's highly addictive. Once addiction to it sets in there isn't much you can do. Its like trying to stop a runaway freight train.

Obviously your daughter is no longer the person you once knew. She is now a heroin addict. Her mind now if very different than it once was.

While very sad trying to manage while having a heroin addict living under your roof is extremely difficult. There is no telling what they might do or what kind of trouble will come from it.

I think you did the right thing to get her out of your house. I had to do the same.

Please take care.
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Old 12-28-2019, 04:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
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BC- sorry but glad you found your voice, stay strong,
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Old 12-28-2019, 05:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
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The runaway freight train analogy is a good one. Imagine you standing on the train track trying to stop the train (your daughter) barreling down on you. If you don't jump off the tracks, you will be destroyed. That is exactly what will happen if you don't get out of her way.

She will do whatever she will do. You can't stop her any more than you could stop the train. You can only save yourself. I know this is probably the hardest thing you have ever had to do. I have been there. Please stay strong and love her from afar.
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Old 12-31-2019, 07:26 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Nothing to add except that you and your family remain in my prayers every day.

For me, I just reached a point where I could take no more, not one more day, and I gave my son's care to God. The rest was between them and I could learn to live my life well again and find peace in my home, in my life and in my heart.

Blessings for the New Year.
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Old 12-31-2019, 11:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Thanks for all of your posts. Sheís not in the home and her dad never did tell me what happened after I was blamed for the bad timing. Last nasty text I got was that she was getting back together with her abusive drug dealing boyfriend and whatever happens to her would be on me! But I know thatís her addiction talking not my beautiful daughter. Iím pretty disappointed that her dad left me hanging considering he told me we needed to stick together and try to help her. I guess he thinks Iím just a band person for not letting her come back home and let her Ďworkí on herself. Anyways Iím trying to keep things in perspective and move forward. All of her stuff is in her car parked at my house so not sure when that will be gone but Iím hoping soon because she only has her clothes that she left with to go for Xmas with her dad. Guess sheís not too worried about it so I guess I shouldnít be but itís giving me anxiety. I hope you all have a great New Year and I will try to as well. Peace and love
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Old 12-31-2019, 12:41 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I am so sorry you are dealing with this. If having her car there is causing you anxiety, is it possible to drive the car (if you have keys) to her dad's house and leave it there?
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Old 01-02-2020, 12:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Sending you many hugs!
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Old 01-02-2020, 04:16 PM   #16 (permalink)
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My 24 year old is in rehab

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Sending you many hugs!
My 24 year old son is in rehab. Up till the middle of his Senior Year, I thought he was gonna be more like me, not his dad. He was on the honor roll in school. I never had to tell him to do his homework, he just did it. He kept his room clean & did his own laundry. He would even tell his younger brother to clean his room. Then, middle of his Senior Year, things started to change. He almost didn't graduate on time because he missed a final. I did get his father to intervene and talk to the teacher of the course & arrange to take the final he missed. He just barely got high enough of a grade in that course to still graduate. His father was a lifetime alcoholic who never managed to get sober & stay that way. I finally divorced him about 4 1/2 years ago after he relapsed again & cheated on me again, but this time after we had lost a son due to stillbirth. His dad moved on to worse things. Drugs instead of mainly alcohol & they did them together. They were both on probation for getting into trouble due to their drugs and both recently ended up back in jail for violation of probation. A social worker who works with individuals on probation was able to get my son into the rehab. Before he ended up in jail this time, he took my keys while I was sleeping & took my van. Something his father had done years ago & I used to put up with that & not call the police on him. This time, I was was like, I refuse to do this again! And I called the cops, knowing he had a warrant for violation of probation. He had brought a girl to my home only a week before that who had went in his brother's room & stole things from his room (or maybe his brother did it and blamed the girl) What chaos! I divorced his dad because I just couldn't deal with this kind of chaos anymore & didn't care to. I refused to put up with it from the son I raised that I knew was brought up better than that. I deserve a peaceful life without the chaos addiction brings. And so do all of you!
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