Originally Posted by trailmix
Hope the new therapist was good cmw.
Therapy went well! We discussed a lot of the recent events that happened and what were issues/points of tension in the relationship and what was likely drug related.
What I was able to figure out in just one session is that our arguments stemmed from his lack of communication about things in his life (i.e. drug problem & odd behaviors surrounding him hiding this) because this caused me to feel insecure and anxious about the relationship.
This is something I would like to discuss with him eventually but right now it is best to give him time and space to figure things out on his own. I still haven't heard from him which I find interesting...you'd think if you're "done" with someone you'd want to give them their stuff back as soon as possible...
I've decided that I'm going to continue to focus on and work on myself. That means continuing Al-Anon meetings and seeing my new therapist, and also rebuilding my life with things that I enjoy independently from my ex. I understand that regardless if we decide to stay together and he decides to get help or not, I have to make sure I am healthy and in a good headspace which has nothing to do with him. I am in control of myself and he is in control of himself. For the first time in a long time, my head is clear and I cannot explain how good that feels.
I've been praying and praying for his recovery - not for him to get better for me
, but because I love him and care about him enough and truly want him to want to get better for himself
. I've let go of the outcome and I'm taking things day by day, living in the moment. I'm still hopeful that we will get through this but in the meantime I'm doing everything in my control to prepare and educate myself.