Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
Reload this Page >

Boyfriend has (possibly) been relapsing and ended things out of the blue

Blogs


Boyfriend has (possibly) been relapsing and ended things out of the blue

Old 12-14-2019, 06:45 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Hope the new therapist was good cmw.
Therapy went well! We discussed a lot of the recent events that happened and what were issues/points of tension in the relationship and what was likely drug related.

What I was able to figure out in just one session is that our arguments stemmed from his lack of communication about things in his life (i.e. drug problem & odd behaviors surrounding him hiding this) because this caused me to feel insecure and anxious about the relationship.

This is something I would like to discuss with him eventually but right now it is best to give him time and space to figure things out on his own. I still haven't heard from him which I find interesting...you'd think if you're "done" with someone you'd want to give them their stuff back as soon as possible...

I've decided that I'm going to continue to focus on and work on myself. That means continuing Al-Anon meetings and seeing my new therapist, and also rebuilding my life with things that I enjoy independently from my ex. I understand that regardless if we decide to stay together and he decides to get help or not, I have to make sure I am healthy and in a good headspace which has nothing to do with him. I am in control of myself and he is in control of himself. For the first time in a long time, my head is clear and I cannot explain how good that feels.

I've been praying and praying for his recovery - not for him to get better for me or us, but because I love him and care about him enough and truly want him to want to get better for himself. I've let go of the outcome and I'm taking things day by day, living in the moment. I'm still hopeful that we will get through this but in the meantime I'm doing everything in my control to prepare and educate myself.
cmw9189 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to cmw9189 For This Useful Post:
HardLessons (12-15-2019), pdm22 (12-15-2019), trailmix (12-14-2019)
Old 12-14-2019, 07:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 5,098
Originally Posted by cmw9189 View Post
What I was able to figure out in just one session is that our arguments stemmed from his lack of communication about things in his life (i.e. drug problem & odd behaviors surrounding him hiding this) because this caused me to feel insecure and anxious about the relationship.
That's really great, you really do sound like you are starting to heal a bit!

Him being unable/unwilling to discuss his addictions and the result of that and strange behaviours isn't really surprising. If he wasn't trying to get away from something, he probably wouldn't be using drugs (well he would now because he's addicted).

He didn't discuss them because he doesn't want to deal with any of that, so he drugs himself instead. This does leave you feeling insecure and that is normal. I'm sure you probably told him your concerns and that it makes you feel insecure. He doesn't/can't really care about this concern because A. you were still there and B. you can ask all you want but it changes nothing for him (addiction is selfish).

Addicts are really not good relationship material. Relationships take time and responsibility and thoughtfulness and communication etc, none of these are the hallmark of an addict.

He is thinking about drugs when he is using them, where/when can he get more? When he gets more he is concerned about how much is left. Addiction is with him 24 hours a day.

I too hope he gets in to recovery some day. Mostly I hope you just keep feeling better and better.
trailmix is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to trailmix For This Useful Post:
HardLessons (12-15-2019), pdm22 (12-15-2019)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:25 PM.