She's Nuts
 

Last time I spoke to her was June 2018. She has been quiet since.

I did receive a couple weird emails from her this year. February she send me two emails which were the exact same emails she had sent me like a year before. September she sent me a strange short email which I couldn't even understand why she sent it or what it meant.

This morning I got up early 5 am checked my phone & her silence has been officially broken. She blew up my phone with texts at 1:30 am. She was desperately in need of help.

Short of it was she was far from home & stranded. She didn't actually say but I am guessing her car died. She wanted me to come get her & take her home. Or if I couldn't come get her, send an Uber to pick her up & take her home. She provided the address where she was & also where she needed to go. She made a point to say how cold it was out.

The address where she needed to go home was a different address from where she last lived. She must have been evicted & moved to a different place.

This type of thing when I was with her was a common occurrence. So I well know that lending a kind hand to help with a simple ride home is just the tip of an iceberg.

She will also need help having the car towed a long distance. Will need a rental car until this gets figured out. Then the car repaired or if the engine blew, possibly replaced. Easily could be $5 to $10,000. Been through this many times with her.

Heavy guilt trips would be placed on me concerning needing a car daily for her daughter & to get to her methadone clinic each morning Etc Etc.

So where was she at 1:30 in the morning far from home on a school night. Her teenage daughter probably at home. Well for sure she wasn't at a church or PTA meeting. For sure she was out partying.

In the texts she didn't say anything to me like hey how are you or I miss you or Im sorry we haven't spoken in over a year. Nada nothing. Just said I have a big problem & need help now.

1;30 am during a work week. Does she really think I am up? She knows my schedule. She knows I get up early every day for work.

I didn't respond. Hopefully she gets the message & goes back to leaving me alone.

Her crazy BS just never ends. For years on end her life has been just filled with craziness. It was that way before me. Its still that way after me.

Thank goodness you let the circus leave town without you.

The drama never ends, my son had the calls down pat and knew what buttons to push....until I disconnected the buttons.

I will keep her in my prayers, she's in God's hands and we, my friend, are not Him.

Well done on handling this.

Hi Ann

Its a very difficult situation.

Early this morning I had little to no doubt I should not respond & I didn't respond. I even questioned in my mind whether the whole thing was made up by her just to get my attention.

I am at work today and since about 4 pm feeling crappy about it all. I have a very soft spot in my heart for her. At least I know she is still alive.

I thought it best, I stop praying for her a while ago. Thank you for keeping her in your prayer.

You handled that very well.

I'm sure some people might say well it's been a year and you still care?

But I know you do and probably always will to some degree.

It's a very sad thing, there is no question about it. Would it not be great IF a person could help, if there was some way through that -thing (wall, fog, whatever you call it) of addiction to get to the person, to have them stop to have them regain their lives, to get that demon out of their heads.

But there isn't.

You are doing the best thing for yourself and I commend you on that Hardlessons.

To have called you she must have burned every single bridge.

Anyway, I am sorry this brought you down. I really hope you do something nice for yourself tonight. A good movie and a steak dinner perhaps (or tofurkey or sushi - whatever your fav is lol)

proud of ya,HL!
it isnt easy to let go but ya know whats going to happen if ya dont. let the feelings happen but dont let em control your actions

and the reason you have not blocked her yet is..................?

" Let go or be dragged"

You didn't get dragged back into her life and down that rough and bumpy road because you made the wise choice. Proud of you for that HL. I know it comes with a few pangs of "what if" but try not to pay any attention to those... you know where that road leads too. I would suggest that you could spare yourself those pangs if you finish cutting the cords... Blocking certain individuals on phone,email and social media has been a very freeing experience for me. Does it mean I never "wonder"... of course not... but it does mean I never have to deal with the actual realities.

You did good!

I appreciate all your responses.

I will try to respond to all in this one response. Please forgive my rambling response.

I knew back in the beginning of 2017 that I had to get away from her. I also knew it was going to be extremely hard for me to do. I didnt even know how to do it. But I knew it wasnt going to end quickly & just fade away quietly.

Factored into above is an innocent daughter. Not my flesh & blood but someone I love(d) nonetheless. She is an awesome kid. So worthy at having the very best chance in life. I would do anything for this girl.

I did a lot for that kid. Tried hard to make her life normal & stable. I wanted her to have everything & be like all the other kids in her school.

Last I saw her April 2017 she was 12 in 7th grade. I have spoken to her a couple times since. Calls initiated by her. She turns 15 this month. Its a rough age & Im fearful for her.

I had to also let go of her. I am not related to her. She is a female teen. I am an adult male. I have no ones permerssion to even speak with her. Definately not a good situation. I had no choice but to also let go of her.


Since I joined SR back in June 2017 I have seen numerous people come & go. Durin this time period I havent left. I come here pretty much every day to read & post something once in a while. I am still here because of my relationship with her. I read all the advise given to others & use that advise to help keep me grounded.

Her contact yesterday was so cold & mechincal. She didnt even say my name. No hi im sorry to bother you, im sorry we havent spoken in a while & we need to fix that. Nothing warm or cordial about it.

She didnt say or bother to give me a story about where she was at 1:30 am. She knows I know why she was there & what she was doing. She knows giving me a story like she was helping grandma who just got home from the hospital (true story she once used on me early on) would only serve to p*ss me off.

This type of contact from her yesterday was from the cold hearted addict. She was definately high & messed up on a mixture of drugs. I have gotten this type of treatment from her many times before. It sucks bad & hurts.

I know I am on a list with her. I used to be high if not first on that list. I am low on the list now down where the POS are. I hate being on that list. Im well aware of the list.

She must have at least gotten a ride home because I didnt hear anymore from her. Im sure shes p*ssed to no end that I didnt even respond. I was at one time just wrapped around her finger & did whatever she wanted.

I have blocked her before. Its well over two years now since seperating from her. I would like to know if something serious happened to the daughter. I would also like to know if something serious happened to her. Not sure what I would do if she let me know. Would depend on the circumstance. But I would like to know if something serious happened.

BTW blocking her wont stop her. If she gets wiggy about it she will show up at my house door or work. She once showed up at front door early morning in her PJ's and she wasn't going away until we talked.

She is the perfect storm for me. I am the perfect idiot reject for her.

How stupid is this? After not talking for coming up on a year & half she contacts me at 1:30 am hey I have a big problem. Im stranded far from home. I need help now. Either come get me or send an Uber to this address. WTF seriously! Are you F-ing kidding me?

This 15 year old daughter lives daily in this turmoil. Shes a smart kid. I cant imagine just how much she knows (ugly truth) at this point. Her mother ran away from home at 15 & kicked off the tragic life of an IV heroin addict. Crazy life that continues to this day. When the daughter was younger the mother would BS her to no end. Can you get away with BSing a smart 15 year old?

I hope the daughter can somehow overcome these challenges. Her father is also a long term IV heroin user. He is in & out of jail constanlty. I do pray for this daughter daily.

I did a lot to create this mess with her. I heavily fueled this fire. I continued doing it well after I learned the ugly truth of her life. It certainly is not all her fault. I allowed her to get away with murder with me for a long time.

Im not going to contact her. I am way past that. I know nothing good would come from it. Obviously Im not past her ability to mess my head up. Will be sticking around here for sure.

You did not respond. Key words here. Good for you!

She is not thinking of you, or your schedule. She is thinking of herself and who can she manipulate to bail her out this time.

Stay strong.

hate to bust your bubble here, my friend, but.........

I have blocked her before. Its well over two years now since seperating from her. I would like to know if something serious happened to the daughter. I would also like to know if something serious happened to her. Not sure what I would do if she let me know. Would depend on the circumstance. But I would like to know if something serious happened.

she did JUST text you asking for "help" at 1:30am. to some that might be considered "serious" - but YOU don't get to make that determination until AFTER she has contacted you. by leaving the lines of communication OPEN you leave yourself on her list of possible minions.

at some point you have to give them both fully back over to themselves and whatever power looks after them. you aren't REALLY hanging on just to get possible bad news........and THEN what? is HL going to get the old broke down nag out of the barn and go racing off to rescue the day? what other possible reason is there really?

and i'm curious - if she had started with Hey, how's it going? long time no speak, i hope you are well. so any chance you could come get me? i'm stranded by the side of the road and my phone battery is dying and.............

check your motives. she contacted you because you LET her.

Anvil Head

Not used to your laser comments directed at me. Those really tough questions aimed at me were a while ago. Starting to sweat now. I much prefer reading your comments directed at others & say to myself damn right!

I have turned off a lot of switches concerning her over the past couple of years. First year I slipped up several times with her. But didn't get back on the bus. Yes she worked me over some. She knows how to work me over. She's very good at it.

The one switch I cant turn off is love & caring. One day that switch may flip off but it hasn't yet. After all this time & everything crappy she has done to me, I just hasn't flipped off yet. Just being honest. I have a serious flaw when it comes to her.

I am not hanging on for anything present or future concerning her. I have been through it for years. I did everything & gave everything I had to help but nothing worked. I know I cant help her. I know that even today If I paid for things for the daughter it would simply free up money for the mother to do bad things. Even if I bought the daughter clothes for school would be no guarantee the mother wouldn't return them for a refund. I am not around them so I wouldn't know if she did it.

I haven't done anything to help her in about the past year & a half. Ive given Nothing. Have not contacted her once.

Ive hitched up the horses & raced off to her rescue so many times in the past it aint even funny. Countless times. I am honestly not racing off to the rescue anymore. I know I am not a good rescuer when it comes to her. I don't even think about trying to do it.

If she would have been respectful yesterday, I might have at least given her a short polite response & said no & why. Her predicament of being stranded had zero to do with me. It had everything to do with her bad choices & other people. Not me.

I am obviously doing better concerning her. But I am obviously not all better. I know inside me im not all better. I am still working through it.

If this was a year or two ago me or Uber would be immediately traveling at high speed, tow trucks would be in route, rental cars ordered, auto repair shop on high alert. I say this seriously & it happened just like that numerous times. This time none of it happened & I didn't even respond.

This is very hard for me Anvil. I am totally out of my element concerning her. I am honestly not like this with work or any other people. Its a unique situation. Its very sad for me to think of that kid.

Please keep an eye on me. If she ever shows up in person id be in big trouble. I kid you not. LOL

The one switch I cant turn off is love & caring. One day that switch may flip off but it hasn't yet. After all this time & everything crappy she has done to me, I just hasn't flipped off yet. Just being honest. I have a serious flaw when it comes to her.

i assume you know where the fuse box is in your house right?
and it's not on the coffee table in the living room, or down at knee height where a toddler or pet might get to it, and most definitely NOT in the shower!!!

as much as we all LUUUUUV electricity, we also must protect ourselves from the DAMAGE it can to DO us. so the fuse box is up high, far away from the plumbing, encased in steel, with a door that hopefully closes tight. wires are wrapped, plug ins have those whatsit safety thingies now. we have surge protectors, grounded plugs, different colors. levels upon levels to help assure we do not get electrocuted trying to make toast.

you can love Miss Thang all you want for all your born days. but unless you wanna get zapped, smell like burnt hair, and possible lose use of body parts, you had BEST step up your insulation and redundant safety measures.

i dont think ya have a flaw when it comes to her,HL.
i think you have some fears. thats all through your post


letting go requires...welp. letting go.

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future
__________________________________________________ _____________________________

.

BTW

I hope you can all guarantee me that when the day comes & I am humbly standing before the pearly white gates & God says no way HL you aint getting in. I say why & he says I gave you the means to easily help them & you cheap sh*t you suddenly stopped.

Im gonna say God Anvilhead from SR made me do it. God will say how you spell that AH name & Ok shes now off the entry list as well.

I wont mention your name TomSteve.

Anvil that was the funniest post I ever read from you & I have read some doozies. How do you come up with this stuff. Must be tuned into the cosmos.

Miss Thang hahahaha if you only knew. I missed out on an electrically charged drive to her house yesterday. May have put a permanent smile on my face. LOL

How do you come up with this stuff

i dunno HL - i just "see" stuff.........maybe i saw your words "switch i can't turn off" and my brain went to electricity? and suddenly i saw the fuse box in my own house.......

i made a comment the other day about addicts having the right to refuse help and mentioned ignoring the 350 life preservers floating around them......i thought it was funny, but it wasn't as well rec'd by THAT particular audience. sigh.

i got enough 'splainin to do all by myself. :)

the smell of burnt hair SUCKS

ok HL - i'm going off topic a little bit cuz you deserve a funny story about fuse boxes.

once upon a time hank and i lived in a rental on the edge of a lake. the landlord wasn't big on spending his own money, but when we asked if we could pay for and install a ceiling fan in the area considered the dining room, he said sure.

so we purchase said ceiling fan and hank gets busy on the install. i'm sort of there but not really watching with rapt attention. it's middle of the day, just for later context. I was called in to help raising the fan UP to the ceiling so he could attach the electrical wires and then the mounting whatnots.

so he finally comes down off the ladder and says.....
ok turn the fuses back on.
i'm like, what fuses?
he says - the ones i asked you turn off before i started messing with live electricity???
nope, sorry, not a clue.
he got this rather horrified look on his face.

i should interject some backstory - his dad was an electrician and he knew a LOT about electrical stuff. especially the bad things that can happen if....

he then attempts to flip the switch but nothing happens.
so he says, are you SURE you didn't switch the fuse off?
nope.
he tries a couple other light switches, nothing happens.
weird.

as it turns out, and remembering this all happened in the daylight, there was a freak POWER OUTAGE in our area at the exact time hank started untwisting LIVE wires with his fingers. because we didn't have a lot of lights on, we did not notice the "lights going out". had that "freak" event not have happened??????? oy.

HardLessons, have you talked to anybody else besides SR on why it's so hard for you to block her? I know that you're concerned by doing so you're just inviting her to visit your doorstep, But that would also be a very good opportunity to call the police, which I suspect is the last thing that she wants. I also suspect that is the last thing _you_ want. The question I have is why? Is it the thought of having to explain your situation to others who haven't been in your shoes?

You know, I think there are just some people you don't want to let go of entirely. I've thought about this a bit, I haven't come to any remarkable conclusions. I think there can be many reasons and some of them are perhaps not good for the person involved, but I don't think that's true in all cases.

I mean I totally understand HL - and I don't even know if it's "wrong". There are people who might have wronged me who I might actually speak to if they were to approach me. In fact there is really only one person I wouldn't speak to.

Anvil, great story! In theory the fuse should have tripped before he was completely fried up - however I'm really glad there was a power failure AND it's really weird!