My boyfriend ended our relationship to focus on his recovery:(
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 15
I had a similar situation. My ex boyfriend is living in a sober house for meth and alcohol addiction. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Two weeks later he said his feeling were not as strong for me and that I needed to let him go. We haven’t talked since Feb. 25th. Does anyone have experience with meth that can shed some insight on why he is now on a online dating site, dressing differently, and hanging out with people I have never seen or met. We were together for two years. He has alienated all of his family and good friends. He has also abandoned his 8 year old daughter. He lies all the time. Why girls on a dating site when he doesn’t have time for us? And he says he loves me very much. Makes no sense. It hurts
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Dragonflydreams 
I had a similar situation. My ex boyfriend is living in a sober house for meth and alcohol addiction. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Two weeks later he said his feeling were not as strong for me and that I needed to let him go. We haven’t talked since Feb. 25th. Does anyone have experience with meth that can shed some insight on why he is now on a online dating site, dressing differently, and hanging out with people I have never seen or met. We were together for two years. He has alienated all of his family and good friends. He has also abandoned his 8 year old daughter. He lies all the time. Why girls on a dating site when he doesn’t have time for us? And he says he loves me very much. Makes no sense. It hurts
He also was on a dating app and said that relationships hurt so much that he just wants FWBs. I had to ask myself why do I want to be with someone like that who hurts me so badly? It's tough to let go, but he's blocked now and I haven't spoken to him since October.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Caligrl
Hi all. First time on the site and glad there’s a network of folks that can relate. Long story short, I met a great guy who appeared to have it all together. We had a great connection and things were going well. To my surprise one day after he had been distant (I thought it was due to his friends recent accident) he sends a texts that he not well and has been occasionally taking opioids and that he realized he needs to grow up and work on himself and well you all can fill in the blanks. I was stunned. He said I was the best partner but that he was “too f&cked up” to be w anyone and had to work on getting sober. I had no idea he had been using opioids while we were together. He told me he had used a few times while I was in the house or when he made valid excuses to step out of the house...
anyhow we broke up and I was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as I had a few things left at his place). He told me he started AA and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
so fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending AA daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “I can’t promise you white picket fences but I’m also not saying I don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo I was a bit emotional distant. Of course I was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but I was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and I understood the Moto of “I day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night I was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in AA but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand I would he supportive and how much I care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and I’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so I had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
i miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and I’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as I was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
anyhow we broke up and I was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as I had a few things left at his place). He told me he started AA and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
so fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending AA daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “I can’t promise you white picket fences but I’m also not saying I don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo I was a bit emotional distant. Of course I was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but I was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and I understood the Moto of “I day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night I was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in AA but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand I would he supportive and how much I care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and I’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so I had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
i miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and I’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as I was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 4
I sure would love to hear where and how you are in life now. Your story is mine to a T.
Originally Posted by Caligrl
Hi all. First time on the site and glad there’s a network of folks that can relate. Long story short, I met a great guy who appeared to have it all together. We had a great connection and things were going well. To my surprise one day after he had been distant (I thought it was due to his friends recent accident) he sends a texts that he not well and has been occasionally taking opioids and that he realized he needs to grow up and work on himself and well you all can fill in the blanks. I was stunned. He said I was the best partner but that he was “too f&cked up” to be w anyone and had to work on getting sober. I had no idea he had been using opioids while we were together. He told me he had used a few times while I was in the house or when he made valid excuses to step out of the house...
anyhow we broke up and I was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as I had a few things left at his place). He told me he started AA and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
so fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending AA daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “I can’t promise you white picket fences but I’m also not saying I don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo I was a bit emotional distant. Of course I was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but I was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and I understood the Moto of “I day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night I was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in AA but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand I would he supportive and how much I care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and I’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so I had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
i miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and I’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as I was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
anyhow we broke up and I was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as I had a few things left at his place). He told me he started AA and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
so fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending AA daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “I can’t promise you white picket fences but I’m also not saying I don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo I was a bit emotional distant. Of course I was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but I was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and I understood the Moto of “I day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night I was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in AA but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand I would he supportive and how much I care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and I’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so I had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
i miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and I’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as I was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and I hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 40
@SparkleKitty Is so right. I have been madly in love with an addict and alcoholic for a year. He is now 65 days clean after three rehab stays. He seems more selfish now than he did when he was using heavily. I know this will not comfort you, it didn't me, but he's doing you a favor. Loving and addict/alcoholic is like a roller coaster you can't get off of. Literally, every day is a different challenge. It sucks that people in recovery get to use that is an excuse to treat people less than, but they do. I've spoken to many people who love addicts and our stories are ALL so similar. It sucks. My former fella, after being told by his sponsor not to date, is on every dating platform. He just didn't choose me and that's a blessing. Sorry you're hurting, its awful.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by Bowielover7
@SparkleKitty Is so right. I have been madly in love with an addict and alcoholic for a year. He is now 65 days clean after three rehab stays. He seems more selfish now than he did when he was using heavily. I know this will not comfort you, it didn't me, but he's doing you a favor. Loving and addict/alcoholic is like a roller coaster you can't get off of. Literally, every day is a different challenge. It sucks that people in recovery get to use that is an excuse to treat people less than, but they do. I've spoken to many people who love addicts and our stories are ALL so similar. It sucks. My former fella, after being told by his sponsor not to date, is on every dating platform. He just didn't choose me and that's a blessing. Sorry you're hurting, its awful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 3
God made a way
Wow… amazing how identical some of our stories are and I feel like Caligirl
wrote my whole situation from my heart.
i understand it takes a year or longer and as hard as it may seem to love someone so much and give it up the next day; is beyond heart breaking.
wrote my whole situation from my heart.
i understand it takes a year or longer and as hard as it may seem to love someone so much and give it up the next day; is beyond heart breaking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 3
Need answers to how you healed
Originally Posted by caligrl
hi all. First time on the site and glad there’s a network of folks that can relate. Long story short, i met a great guy who appeared to have it all together. We had a great connection and things were going well. To my surprise one day after he had been distant (i thought it was due to his friends recent accident) he sends a texts that he not well and has been occasionally taking opioids and that he realized he needs to grow up and work on himself and well you all can fill in the blanks. I was stunned. He said i was the best partner but that he was “too f&cked up” to be w anyone and had to work on getting sober. I had no idea he had been using opioids while we were together. He told me he had used a few times while i was in the house or when he made valid excuses to step out of the house...
Anyhow we broke up and i was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as i had a few things left at his place). He told me he started aa and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
So fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending aa daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “i can’t promise you white picket fences but i’m also not saying i don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo i was a bit emotional distant. Of course i was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but i was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and i understood the moto of “i day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night i was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
Anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in aa but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand i would he supportive and how much i care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and i’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so i had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
I miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and i’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as i was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and i hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
Anyhow we broke up and i was sad. We had no contact. 2 months later an odd coincidence got us talking. We decided to meet that night( as i had a few things left at his place). He told me he started aa and was working on recovery but making new friends that were sober and most of all that he missed me and had regret for how he ha mistreated me in the past. He asked if we could get back together. I was elated. I missed him terribly and believed what he shared.
So fast forward now 2 months later he has been diligently attending aa daily and meeting w his sponsor and making friendships w his fellowship. We had had a few discussion about out future and he would say let’s take it a day at a time. He ha said “i can’t promise you white picket fences but i’m also not saying i don’t want to be w you. I care for you very much and want us to work out” so after that convo i was a bit emotional distant. Of course i was sad to hear he couldn’t think much past the current day. Anyway (sorry to drag on, just trying to share the experience so you all can provide feedback) we didn’t have arguments but i was a bit snippy a few times after that about things not related to his recovery and we would have talks and share again how we both care and i understood the moto of “i day at a time”. Our last talk lead him to tears which surprised me. I told him that night i was deeply sorry for getting upset earlier that day about miscommunication w plans which lead to our talk.
Anyhow less then a week later he broke it off w me and said he has been thinking about using recently because he doesn’t deal with relationships well and out past convos have caused his to spiral in his thoughts and his sponser and a few folks from fellowships told him it was a bad idea for him to have started a relationship so early into his recovery and to end it if his reaction to common relationship issues are causing cravings, his sobriety could be in jeopardy. He told me he cared for me very much and it wasn’t me but his way of thinking and that he has to be selfish now because it’s life or death for him. He said the ways he uses “could kill him”, and that not only is he in aa but he’s now realizing he’s not equipped for an adult relationship until he works on himself. I tried everything to help him understand i would he supportive and how much i care, but he said he could not be w me or anyone for a long time until he can heal.
It’s day 2 and i’m heartbroken. I thought this was it when we got back together. He’s high functioning and goes to a very professional, demanding career so i had no idea all these thoughts were in his mind. I hate myself for acting out of character the past few weeks that lead him to feel this way. He kept saying it’s not me but his issues, but still...
I miss him terribly. He wants to be friends and we talked about maybe trying when he has a year under his belt but he said he’s not sure how long his recovery will be and i’ll probably be engaged by the time he gets his act together. I packed my things and left without saying by as i was too sad and he was off to a meeting.
No one gets my pain and i hate when friends say “it’s better you get out now, he’s a drug addicted” etc. I know him and his heart. I too am a health professional and believe w time w can change and heal.
Any advice works help! Blessings to you all and your loved ones!!! Thanks guys!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 3
iI CAN RELATE. HELP! THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME AFTERF 5 YEARS AND WAITING HERE ALONE WHILE HE WAS AT HIS MOMS 'GETTING BETTER FOR US' HE DUMPED ME AND NOW APPEARS TO BE THRIVING AND I AM SO BROKEN FEELING LIKE I DIDNT DESERVE A SPOT IN HIS LIFE WHEN HE WAS THE BEST HE HAS BEEN BUT WAS T HERE FOR ALL THE ****,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by DISCARDED
iI CAN RELATE. HELP! THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME AFTERF 5 YEARS AND WAITING HERE ALONE WHILE HE WAS AT HIS MOMS 'GETTING BETTER FOR US' HE DUMPED ME AND NOW APPEARS TO BE THRIVING AND I AM SO BROKEN FEELING LIKE I DIDNT DESERVE A SPOT IN HIS LIFE WHEN HE WAS THE BEST HE HAS BEEN BUT WAS T HERE FOR ALL THE ****,
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi discarded - welcome!
its common for the addict to blame those closest to him or her for everything. Rest assured you are not the cause of your partners addiction or their behaviour.
Also rest assured that an addict will never 'thrive' for long when using.
I hope you'll consider making your own thread - you;'ll get so much more response that way
D
its common for the addict to blame those closest to him or her for everything. Rest assured you are not the cause of your partners addiction or their behaviour.
Also rest assured that an addict will never 'thrive' for long when using.
I hope you'll consider making your own thread - you;'ll get so much more response that way
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 2
Sadly I relate to this so much!
This post was made sometime ago, so I’d love an update as to how you are now. I relate to your story so much! The man I fell in love with confessed that he had relapsed on meth. He said he needed to go to treatment, and that I was the first one he’d told. I stood by him and helped him stay sober until he could get into the treatment center. While he was there, at first he called and texted me all the time! We had some arguments over the phone, but nothing that could prepare me for the letter he sent. He told me that we needed to end our relationship because he needed to focus on his recovery and being responsible. He said that he was grateful for everything I’ve done to help him, and that he wasn’t rejecting me as a person. He was ending things based on how our being together affected others. That’s a whole other story, but that was in March, and he has not contacted me since. My heart was completely broken, and the pain is still there like it was yesterday! I just don’t understand how he could discard me after everything I did to help him. I love him very much, and I wish that he would let me be a part of his recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2023
Posts: 18
Similar Story
Hi there.
I can relate to your story a ton, even if it was four years ago. I’m young, twenty two years old. My ex and I just broke up probably about three weeks ago. We were together for almost eight months. It was pretty serious. He’s twenty five and we actually met at work. Before we started dating, he told me a bit about his drinking problem but I was obvious and didn’t know any better. We would bicker a bit in our relationship. Sometimes it was because he was late to things, and that bothered me, or he was tired and wanted to be by himself while we had plans together or even on my birthday, he just wanted to hang around the house and he made me cry. After that, I thought we were all good. Until one day, he got kinda distant. We got into a fight, and I said some things like “why are you even in a relationship if you’re tired all the time?” which I fully regret now. It was always an excuse. Then he told me that his alcohol problem never went away. I feel stupid, and I feel silly for not realizing the signs. I even GAVE him alcohol and I didn’t know. I told him I was going to be there for him and we were going to find out a solution. Then, the next day. He implies that we go on a break and I’m devastated. And then a few days later, we work together and then we broke up in the work parking lot. He said he didn’t want to give me false hope, and he doesn’t know how long it’s going to take. He said how much he truly loves me, and how much he didn’t want to break my heart because he loves me. He says we both need to heal because he loves me more than he loves himself and right now, he needs to be a better person and he needs to be by himself. lemme tell you, it’s a heartbreak like no other.
he’s my first real relationship. the first person i gave my body to. the first guy to actually treat me with respect and a person. he never did anything intentional to hurt me. but this is the worst pain in my life. we still talk sometimes, just because we’re coworkers and we both have said in the future we would like to try it again. i’ve even tried to offer him aa or even my therapists number but he says he has it under control. i know i can’t fix a person, and i know that he has to do it by himself. but god, it sucks. the pain hurts. mutual breakups to realize you need to fix this problem your dealing with hurts. i have never felt more alone. ive gone back to school, gotten a second job, started hanging out with friends and working out more. but still, it really hurts when everything reminds me of him. i hope he is healing, i don’t wanna ask him that. but once in awhile, i just miss everything.
I can relate to your story a ton, even if it was four years ago. I’m young, twenty two years old. My ex and I just broke up probably about three weeks ago. We were together for almost eight months. It was pretty serious. He’s twenty five and we actually met at work. Before we started dating, he told me a bit about his drinking problem but I was obvious and didn’t know any better. We would bicker a bit in our relationship. Sometimes it was because he was late to things, and that bothered me, or he was tired and wanted to be by himself while we had plans together or even on my birthday, he just wanted to hang around the house and he made me cry. After that, I thought we were all good. Until one day, he got kinda distant. We got into a fight, and I said some things like “why are you even in a relationship if you’re tired all the time?” which I fully regret now. It was always an excuse. Then he told me that his alcohol problem never went away. I feel stupid, and I feel silly for not realizing the signs. I even GAVE him alcohol and I didn’t know. I told him I was going to be there for him and we were going to find out a solution. Then, the next day. He implies that we go on a break and I’m devastated. And then a few days later, we work together and then we broke up in the work parking lot. He said he didn’t want to give me false hope, and he doesn’t know how long it’s going to take. He said how much he truly loves me, and how much he didn’t want to break my heart because he loves me. He says we both need to heal because he loves me more than he loves himself and right now, he needs to be a better person and he needs to be by himself. lemme tell you, it’s a heartbreak like no other.
he’s my first real relationship. the first person i gave my body to. the first guy to actually treat me with respect and a person. he never did anything intentional to hurt me. but this is the worst pain in my life. we still talk sometimes, just because we’re coworkers and we both have said in the future we would like to try it again. i’ve even tried to offer him aa or even my therapists number but he says he has it under control. i know i can’t fix a person, and i know that he has to do it by himself. but god, it sucks. the pain hurts. mutual breakups to realize you need to fix this problem your dealing with hurts. i have never felt more alone. ive gone back to school, gotten a second job, started hanging out with friends and working out more. but still, it really hurts when everything reminds me of him. i hope he is healing, i don’t wanna ask him that. but once in awhile, i just miss everything.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Hi madzis, so sorry you have been hurt.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's)
You know, there is no reason you should have known, alcoholics and other addicts can get pretty good at hiding their drinking - and he did.
There isn't really a reason to believe he wants to quit drinking right now, which may actually be why he broke things off. You are perfectly right to not be comfortable with this.
He lied to you. The lie was so big it ended up destroying your relationship. You were blindsided. That's pretty hurtful!
I hope you will also visit the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum here at SR:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
This thread is several years old, however you will find many threads you can probably relate to in the F&F of Alcoholics forum and you may even want to start your own thread. Lots of support for you here.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's)
You know, there is no reason you should have known, alcoholics and other addicts can get pretty good at hiding their drinking - and he did.
There isn't really a reason to believe he wants to quit drinking right now, which may actually be why he broke things off. You are perfectly right to not be comfortable with this.
he never did anything intentional to hurt me
I hope you will also visit the Friends and Family of alcoholics forum here at SR:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
This thread is several years old, however you will find many threads you can probably relate to in the F&F of Alcoholics forum and you may even want to start your own thread. Lots of support for you here.
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