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Old 09-11-2019, 04:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Suicide plans - need help!


Quick backstory: husband has abused pills in the past. I found pills recently. Of course, he denies. I set boundaries and gave him some ultimatums for our relationship. Been about 2 weeks. Nothing has really changed; he has just withdrawn and I am busy with work a lot right now. Husband does not really have any social life; just work and home. I know I am codependent and have enabled him to get to this point.

This morning, I checked the history on his ipad and saw that he had Googled "How to make suicide look like an accident" and similar searches. I don't know what to do. I have had suicide prevention trainings for kids and teens, but I a not sure how to approach this one. I need to say something. I need to get him some help somehow. I am scared for him. He does have a history of mental illness in his family, but he really doesn't have any family around anymore. He has a brother nearby, but they don't really have much of a relationship.

Last edited by SmartRose; 09-11-2019 at 04:22 AM. Reason: error
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear that Smartrose.

You can get help here in sorting it out and getting help for him:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.or...-someone-else/
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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That is definitely beyond the scope of advice other than contact a professional.

Does he show any signs of harming you and the kids? Does he resent you?

If you and your family feel like he might hurt you before he hurts himself it is time to leave while you can.

Online advice could be bad, but it could be a blessing.

He might need a medication adjustment and a hug?

I know that sometimes all I need is a little affection and the world gets nice and rosey again.

Thanks.
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:27 AM   #4 (permalink)
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i agree that an online community is not the best place to get advice for this situation. however, I'D be concerned for my own safety, as those "searches" could be interpreted not so much as planned self-harm as much as how to harm others. in either case, this is a crisis situation and you MUST consider your own safety FIRST.
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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those "searches" could be interpreted not so much as planned self-harm as much as how to harm others.
That was my thought as well.
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks. I'm not worried about myself. I think his intention is to hurt himself. I am seeking professional advice too. I have taken the afternoon off work to find some help. Just needing to start talking about it now so came here.
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Rose
Im glad you are seeking proffesional help as this really is a crisis situation.

Typing those words in makes it very real indeed .

This needs immediate attention sooner rather than later..

He sounds like he has given up on life, very sad.

Good luck with getting the support you need

Xxx
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
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SmartRose, I am just posting to give you support.

When people threaten suicide I call the police. I don't know how that applies to finding search results though.

I agree with all the above advice calling suicide prevention hotline and finding professional help.

Keep us updated. We are here.
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thanks. I'm not worried about myself. I think his intention is to hurt himself. I am seeking professional advice too. I have taken the afternoon off work to find some help. Just needing to start talking about it now so came here.
Yes, please keep us updated as to how you got on.

I'm glad you came here to talk. Remember to take care of yourself as well. I'm sure it was a huge shock to find that search history but you are there for support and you will get the guidance you need.

Quote:
I am codependent and have enabled him to get to this point.
Also, try to remember that enabling is one thing - him getting to this point is his thing, not yours.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.

That is all true. Unless you taped him to a chair and forced him to take the pills you no more enabled him to get to this point than anyone else.

I hope you get some good guidance today, deep breaths!
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Old 09-11-2019, 12:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks. I took the afternoon off and visited with a friend. I also talked with a counselor for a bit. Ultimately, I know the first step is to ask him. I've gone through suicide prevention training for teens. I just don't know quite how to handle this because you cannot force an adult to go to a counselor or talk to anyone.

he really doesn't socialize with anyone. He doesn't have any friends except some that we hang out with together. But they are really more my friends. He would never personally talk to them. He really deosnt have family except a brother whom he has not had a good relationship with. Him supposedly buying drugs for his brother is most likely an excuse but also that doesn't mean they have much of a relationship. However, I may end up visiting with his brother if I feel this goes beyond me talking to him about it. They have a history of mental illness in their family and his brother will understand that.
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