Suicide plans - need help!
 

Quick backstory: husband has abused pills in the past. I found pills recently. Of course, he denies. I set boundaries and gave him some ultimatums for our relationship. Been about 2 weeks. Nothing has really changed; he has just withdrawn and I am busy with work a lot right now. Husband does not really have any social life; just work and home. I know I am codependent and have enabled him to get to this point.

This morning, I checked the history on his ipad and saw that he had Googled "How to make suicide look like an accident" and similar searches. I don't know what to do. I have had suicide prevention trainings for kids and teens, but I a not sure how to approach this one. I need to say something. I need to get him some help somehow. I am scared for him. He does have a history of mental illness in his family, but he really doesn't have any family around anymore. He has a brother nearby, but they don't really have much of a relationship.

Sorry to hear that Smartrose.

You can get help here in sorting it out and getting help for him:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.or...-someone-else/

That is definitely beyond the scope of advice other than contact a professional.

Does he show any signs of harming you and the kids? Does he resent you?

If you and your family feel like he might hurt you before he hurts himself it is time to leave while you can.

Online advice could be bad, but it could be a blessing.

He might need a medication adjustment and a hug?

I know that sometimes all I need is a little affection and the world gets nice and rosey again.

Thanks.

i agree that an online community is not the best place to get advice for this situation. however, I'D be concerned for my own safety, as those "searches" could be interpreted not so much as planned self-harm as much as how to harm others. in either case, this is a crisis situation and you MUST consider your own safety FIRST.

That was my thought as well.

Thanks. I'm not worried about myself. I think his intention is to hurt himself. I am seeking professional advice too. I have taken the afternoon off work to find some help. Just needing to start talking about it now so came here.

Hi Rose
Im glad you are seeking proffesional help as this really is a crisis situation.

Typing those words in makes it very real indeed .

This needs immediate attention sooner rather than later..

He sounds like he has given up on life, very sad.

Good luck with getting the support you need

Xxx

SmartRose, I am just posting to give you support.

When people threaten suicide I call the police. I don't know how that applies to finding search results though.

I agree with all the above advice calling suicide prevention hotline and finding professional help.

Keep us updated. We are here.

Yes, please keep us updated as to how you got on.

I'm glad you came here to talk. Remember to take care of yourself as well. I'm sure it was a huge shock to find that search history but you are there for support and you will get the guidance you need.

Also, try to remember that enabling is one thing - him getting to this point is his thing, not yours.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.

That is all true. Unless you taped him to a chair and forced him to take the pills you no more enabled him to get to this point than anyone else.

I hope you get some good guidance today, deep breaths!

Thanks. I took the afternoon off and visited with a friend. I also talked with a counselor for a bit. Ultimately, I know the first step is to ask him. I've gone through suicide prevention training for teens. I just don't know quite how to handle this because you cannot force an adult to go to a counselor or talk to anyone.

he really doesn't socialize with anyone. He doesn't have any friends except some that we hang out with together. But they are really more my friends. He would never personally talk to them. He really deosnt have family except a brother whom he has not had a good relationship with. Him supposedly buying drugs for his brother is most likely an excuse but also that doesn't mean they have much of a relationship. However, I may end up visiting with his brother if I feel this goes beyond me talking to him about it. They have a history of mental illness in their family and his brother will understand that.

Hope you are doing ok SmartRose

SmartRose

It sounds like you are doing everything in your power to prevent a tragedy. I am sure you already realize that there is a lot you can do - and - you can't keep him safe if he won't keep himself safe.

Prayers that your husband finds the help he needs and that you find peace in doing everything you can - and then turning it over to your (and his) higher power.

Hi everyone. I was absent from my thread for awhile. Just dealing with life and actually had a little vacation for myself. I did speak with my husband and asked him point blank if he had suicidal thoughts or plans. He denied everything and denied being depressed. It really ended in another argument. And he hides his ipad now too. I did what I could for now. If I sense he is going back that direction again, I will try again to talk to him I guess. I told him he needed to see a therapist because i can see he is sad and i want him to be happier about life. But no matter what he says, I dont think he will get any help. As for me, I'm just busy with work and my life and trying to figure out the next step of this marriage.

I feel for you. It's very hard to be a companion to someone who is depressed and hiding it has to make it worse.

I hope you keep taking good care of yourself in all of this! Big hugs!

Hello Smart Rose,

I know it has been a couple of weeks, but I thought I would offer my own take for whatever it's worth. If you think someone is suicidal, talking to them or calling 911 (in the US) is never a bad idea. By calling 911, they will be in the hands of people who are equipped to help them.

Please take good care!

Thank you! He had me scared. I did what I could and I did confront him. All that has done is make him more secretive to me. If I have any more suspicions, I will call the police for help.