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Old 08-30-2019, 06:41 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Regarding the pills, it reminds me of this situation I had in this group home program I used to work in a while back.

At each shift, the staff coming on would have to count the controlled substances, and if the numbers didnít add up, itís an incident report, and there has to be an investigation into what happened. The pills are usually in a sheet, that are popped out individually by the client when then take they take it, and the staff is responsible for signing off, and writing down the correct amount of pills left.

Well we had these 2 shady staff that were hired around the same time, and all of a sudden, thereíd be issues with controlled meds disappearing. Also, I remember we had this one client who never, ever asked for them (he had benzos prescribed ďas neededĒ, but never took them- and I would work by myself for 12 hours at a time, so I knew my clients patterns and habits quite well), but these 2 started working there, and all of a sudden on their shifts, his controlled meds were signed off on as if he took one, when they were taking them themselves.

Sometimes a pill would flat out be gone, and we had some directors there at the time that covered things up instead of dealing with the staff issues, and I remember one guy came in and said the pills were falling in the cabinet.

But hereís the thing, it was never the colace or something else like that was disappearing or supposedly being found on the ground, it was always the Ativan or the klonopin.

The pills being blamed on the brother reminded me of that. Notice itís not a bottle of Advil or some Allegra D that you saw, that he was supposedly going to bring to his brother, notice how itís opioids.

The stuff is in the house because itís his- and I also think (as was mentioned earlier) whatever you are actually seeing is just the tip of the iceberg- lord knows how bad it really is. I lived with some one like this once and to this day I still donít fully know what the full extent of it was - sometimes the signs you get, or your instincts, are all you have to go on, but itís usually much worse because so much of it is being covered up, and people can get very good at that.
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Old 08-30-2019, 06:58 PM   #22 (permalink)
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So, I set my boundaries that illegal drugs in the house is not acceptable. That not being transparent is not acceptable. And abuse of drugs is not acceptable. Honestly, I don't see him admitting to any of this or taking responsibility, so I am trying to make a list of what will happen next. Because if he cannot meet these boundaries, then he will need to find another place to live.
The thing is, what you have set down are rules for him to follow...not boundaries. Boundaries are like rules for you. A boundary would be something like I will not live with someone who lies to me. or I will not allow illegal drugs in my home. Then, you decide what you will do if these boundaries are crossed.

You can tell him to leave, but what if he refuses? It is his home, too, so what happens then? Are you prepared to leave? Are you prepared to file for divorce? These are questions you must ask yourself.
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Old 08-30-2019, 07:54 PM   #23 (permalink)
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The thing is, what you have set down are rules for him to follow...not boundaries. Boundaries are like rules for you. A boundary would be something like I will not live with someone who lies to me. or I will not allow illegal drugs in my home. Then, you decide what you will do if these boundaries are crossed.

You can tell him to leave, but what if he refuses? It is his home, too, so what happens then? Are you prepared to leave? Are you prepared to file for divorce? These are questions you must ask yourself.
I understand. I did decide on those boundaries for myself, and he will need to leave if the boundaries are crossed. He doesn't have a choice. It is really my house. I owned it before we got together. But, I do understand what you are saying, and I am working on that. It will take me some time. I've been doing a lot of reading the past week about co-dependency, and I'm seeing a lot of things that fit me.
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Old 08-30-2019, 08:00 PM   #24 (permalink)
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The pills being blamed on the brother reminded me of that. Notice itís not a bottle of Advil or some Allegra D that you saw, that he was supposedly going to bring to his brother, notice how itís opioids.

The stuff is in the house because itís his- and I also think (as was mentioned earlier) whatever you are actually seeing is just the tip of the iceberg- lord knows how bad it really is. I lived with some one like this once and to this day I still donít fully know what the full extent of it was - sometimes the signs you get, or your instincts, are all you have to go on, but itís usually much worse because so much of it is being covered up, and people can get very good at that.
Yes, this is how I feel. I just have a hard time listening to my own instincts sometimes because I truly want to believe in people. But, my instincts are usually right. When something just feels "off." Like that night. Something just felt "off." So, that is why I searched his things again. I hadn't done that for a long time, but something just didn't seem right. I can't explain it to anyone unless they know him on a personal level, but something just wasn't right.

I'm glad I came here because much of what has been said is really what I've known all along, but have not been able to force myself to believe. I don't want it to be true. But, I cannot continue to enable him. Eventually, this will ruin me along with him if I don't figure it out now.
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Old 08-30-2019, 10:00 PM   #25 (permalink)
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hi rose, I just now noticed your comment about him saying they are for his Brother.

That's the best he could come up with.

As for being able to tell if he is an addict, well if that is the norm, perhaps there is no way to tell. If he's not high as a kite, how would you know. He may just be taking enough to maintain his addiction.

Drug testing is the only true proof - perhaps a hair test etc. If he is serious about backing up his story. But yes, regardless he is buying illegal drugs.
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