Moving Forward - Suggestions Please
 

Linzey, the best way to move forward is to not look back and to set new and wonderful goals for yourself.

Distract yourself with healthy activities, take courses or find yourself some Al-anon meetings and learn to make healthy choices in life. Find a new hobby, plan a trip...it doesn't have to be expensive...even a bus trip to visit old friends or family, or to spend a weekend in a pretty sea-side town will bring you fresh air and a good attitude.

Mostly, just focus on healing and your own well being. Don't linger in dark thoughts of the past, toss out anger, sadness and resentments, they will never serve you well.

It takes time and it takes work, but you are worth the effort and I promise you that you can and will have better days ahead, if you set your mind to it.

You've already made the decision to move foreward, that's the biggest step of all.

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As Ann said, distracting yourself is a huge part of getting past this.

You said:

Distracting yourself helps ease your sadness, but it also makes new memories for you. When you meet new people, when you are out in the world and people are kind or friendly or you have a nice talk to someone you are standing in line with or sitting beside on that bus ride - those things make a difference.

Now when you are chopping salad for dinner you are thinking about the conversation you had with that woman today about her trip to Vietnam - not what the ex is doing.

It takes time. Hopefully you are already finding that there are times when you catch yourself not thinking about him at all, might be for 10 minutes or half an hour. Maybe you always wanted to visit Thailand or Norway, why not plan a trip, what would it cost, what can you do to achieve that? You could go alone or maybe with a family member, or go on a group trip that is pre-arranged by a travel group or company.

We all need human interaction, it is the most healing thing. It's also the most joyful thing. Who wouldn't want that. So yes, get out there in the world, even if you don't feel like it, even if you have to drag yourself to the corner store to get a slurpee or a cup of coffee. It will get easier because it lifts your mood.

Good, then you are on the right track, it will get better and better.

Doing things that engage your mind, whether that is watching a movie, reading, looking up topics you are interested in and researching them, is important. If more of you day is just activity, still gives your mind time to ruminate.

But, don't avoid your feelings, You might not want to sit and cry for two days (or you might, do if you want to!) but stop and allow your feelings for at least say, half an hour a day.

Go no contact. None. Zero. Zip.

That is the best thing you can do.

Key being, actually block him so you cannot see him at all on social media. Trust me on this.

Moving forward after a failed relationship is so difficult! I understand what you mean about thinking about it in the mornings and at night. Those times do seem to be the most difficult because you are not distracted by the noise of the day.

I would agree that you find activities for yourself. Also, do you have any pets? They can also be a good distraction and give you unconditional love. I force myself to take the dog for a walk when I need something to distract me or lift me up. The dog and the fresh air are good.

Also, I normally block exes from social media, so I am not tempted to see what they are up to. It takes away all of the temptations. You don't need that in your life.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you can find some peace soon.