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Old 07-26-2019, 01:43 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Seeking advice, grandchildren in danger.


I am looking for advice regarding a loved one that is currently in the grips of Heroin use and we feel our grandchildren are in danger.

This is a long story so I will try my best to consolidate it as best I can.

My girlfriends (actually much more than that been together 22 years) daughter got involved with a guy that is a hard core drug user, she ended up having 2 kids by him, we know she was using meth prior to the birth of her 1st child who is 3 years old now, after her birth she was home with us and was doing good and avoided him because she knew that being around him was not a good place for her to be with her newborn. As time went on she started seeing him again and eventually got sucked back in to the drug use, we could tell immediately when this started because of her change in attitude and was always defensive, disappeared for days at a time, and such.

Eventually we confronted her and she blew up at us and moved over to where he was living at his mothers house that is nest door to his grandparents house. At this point her daughter was a little over a year old and eventually things caught up with him and he got put in jail. Shortly after that happening she stopped using (he wasn't there to supply it to her) and eventually moved back in with us and was pregnant with another child. We told her we would do everything we could to help her get on her feet again, pay for her school, let her use our extra car, etc. and all she needed to do was stay away from him. For the past couple years she lived with us and was doing really good, enrolled in nursing school getting good grades, was involved with her kids activities and all. She got an apartment with the help of us and had not moved into it yet as we were in the process of setting it up still.

On the 4th she took the kids over to the kids great grandparents house as he has a party every year on the 4th (next door to where her x lived with his mom but he is rarely there and is not wanted there, he is generally not wanted around by his own family) and he was there, that's all it took he sucked her back in and now within a few weeks is full on Heroin addict.

Here is where it gets concerning for us,

We could tell she was back using again, and she is still using our car, I have a GPS tracker in it and she knows it, we could clearly see who she was with and where they were going (places to score). Now we have questioned her before while she was sober about places she had gone that were questionable and had legit reasons, she would be a bit hurt that were still questioning her but understood based on past and everyone moved on without issue. This time she blew up again, (confirming she was using again), snached up the kids and took them to her yet unfinished apartment (but live-able) telling us we would never see them again. We thought well she has school all day 6 days a week, and my GF quit her job after the last baby was born to be able to stay home and provide care for the kids (day care around here is really expensive) and she would need us or the great grand parents to watch them while she was in school so at least we could make sure they were ok. We find out she brought her boyfriend (the kids father) there to live with her and watch the kids while she is in school! He will use with them there, she will use with them there! Yesterday the boyfriend his grandfather (the kids great grandparents) to please come take the kids he couldn't handle it (there a handful), when he got there the mother had come home for lunch break and they both went into the bathroom for quite some time and when they came out the GG asked for some clothes for the little girl and the mom just dropped to the floor staring at a pile of clothes and didn't move, he said hello hello and she snapped out of it for a second and went back into the trance, she eventually came out of it and went back to school.

Now later she gets out of school we can see by the GPS data where they went to the GG's house, picked up the kids and immediately went to a house we know where they get and use drugs, then head home for an hour or so then leave again, obviously with the kids in the car and go to a well known area to score drugs. Driving around, on Heroin with a 3 year old and a 1 year old in the car. We are scared to death for the kids safety.

We have been looking for a way to get those kids back with us where there safe. We have contacted an Atty but the cost vs the likely hood of it working is slim as the mom has no record or prior issues on record for drugs or anything (there is plenty on the father). Everyone we talk to says leave the CPS out of it you don't want them involved we may loose the kids for good.

We don't know what to do, if we can get him out of the picture we might have a chance of sobering her up enough to let us help her.
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Old 07-26-2019, 04:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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dear sadman - welcome to SR. i'm sorry i didn't get a chance to reply until now. your story and the situation is sad, tragic and scary.

i understand the resistance to getting CPS involved - but you have babies going on drug deals. most of us remember this story:

since you have GPS on her car, you could always call 911 and report a suspected driver under the influence. you could call and speak with social services/CPS without committing and ask them what steps they would take. you could repossess her car.

i hope you find a solution soon. again, so sorry you have to deal with us. prayers for you and those babies.
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Old 07-27-2019, 04:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Mr Sadman, you're not in a position to handle this by yourself. I know everyone is saying don't get CPS involved, but only they have the power to act. I might be worth talking to a lawyer who is experienced with CPS to give you the best chance to gain custody.
Losing custody of her children may be the only thing that brings your step-granddaughter back to treatment and becoming capable of looking after them.
"I was looking for the key for years....but the door was always open."
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Old 07-27-2019, 07:08 AM   #4 (permalink)

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I am sorry for your situation & this extremely difficult circumstance which brings you to SR.

These young children are in danger. Heroin addicts aren't capable of taking care of themselves let alone children. As you may know, heroin addiction is extremely destructive.

What if they are both passed out with drugs & paraphernalia laying around & the kids get into it. What if they are high out & about with the kids & get arrested. What happens to the kids then? There are so many variables to take into consideration.

Your addicts are what they are. You cant change them or expect them to take responsibility for their kids safety.

While your options may not be great, the children's safety must come first. Getting him (your daughters addict BF) out of the picture may be very difficult. For your daughter, he is way more than just a BF. He is a destabilizing factor in her own battle against heroin addiction.

I hope you find a solution.
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Old 07-27-2019, 07:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I vote when you know they are DUI, call the cops and have them pulled over.

That would start the ball rolling to protect the kids.

The kids would be traumatized but that is better than being raised by active heroin addicts.


When I crave I think of the next day after effects:

high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system compromise (sick).

BpSSS. My mantra.

Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."

Last intoxication: 8 May 15.
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Old 07-29-2019, 10:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I would call the police and CPS. Do what is best for the kids.
"I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received
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Old 07-29-2019, 11:14 AM   #7 (permalink)

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Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice, like most we are also thinking we should make a call when we know they have them in the car with the kids and under the influence, we are watching closely. I will update should there be any changes.

One good this is we were able to see them this Saturday, being the mother goes to school on Saturday she was in a pinch and had no where else to take the kids so we had them for the day, they seem in good health but they are now back with them, I wish we could have just kept them with us...
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Old 07-29-2019, 02:05 PM   #8 (permalink)

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Another vote for calling cps. As a teacher I work pretty closely with cps, especially when I was doing early intervention. It is a scary call to make but necessary in this case. There are lots of horror stories out there But they want what is best for the kids. Often those stories have hidden information that was vital to the decisions made by cps. In my state they always prefer the children go to a family member if they need to be removed. If you make the call and you would like custody I would make that very clear to the case worker. I know of many cases where the grandparents act as the foster parents and then dependent on the outcome adopt the children. My aunt has gone through this process (cousin has mental health issues as well as cognitive impairments and the father who is now deceased was an abusive heroin addict)...they were a wonderful resource for my aunt to navigate taking on two young children and later adopting them.

Best of luck to you
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Old 08-01-2019, 07:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Another vote for CPS. I lived in an abusive household. Forty years later, I still harbor anger for everybody who suspected something was going on but did nothing because they didn't want to rock the boat. I can't believe that all those neighbors heard what was going on but never said a word. I can't believe my aunt saw what was going on and just watched as my caretaker beat me up (she also watched her own son beat up his siblings, her own children and did nothing about that either). What you've witnessed barely scratches the surface of what those children are subjected too. You have no idea what's happening behind closed doors. You also have no idea what she could have said to the children to keep them quiet.

I know you are very afraid of losing touch with those kids, but from a purely monetary perspective, it is going to be way cheaper for CPS to place them with family members rather than a group home/foster care.
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