Clueless friend gets blindsided By Meth Addict
 

My friend who was staying with me is a Meth addict.
I had no idea he was on drugs.

He was emaciated, but blamed it on an unrelated medical issue (lie).
He didn't come home for two days and a friend said....."check to see if he's in jail." I did. He was.
He is facing drug felonies from last year, fighting them. Is on probation.
He just got a new felony drug charge filed in June in another county.
I guess he went to treatment last year but obviously relapsed.

I feel so dumb that I didn't know any of this.
Now he's homeless. He's in his mid 50's.

I guess being on probation with no address, driving with a revoked license and being in active addiction only catches up with someone when it.....does? He's been an addict for three years.

I bailed him out of jail (dumb) and tried to take him for a chemical disorder assessment that I scheduled, but he took off. I spoke with a treatment center on his behalf and there would have been a spot for him there that same week. People reading this must be asking....what a tool you are; why do all of this. Good question!

I listened to him literally beg the judge to release him ROR because he would go straight to get assessed and then to treatment. I believed him. The judge didn't. I should have seen it from an objective stance as the judge did. But I thought my friend was telling the truth. He wasn't.

I picked him up from jail and brought him to my home. I told him about the appointment the next morning, and he freaked, even though we had discussed it ad nauseam during phone calls from jail.

That was a month ago.

He chose getting high over having a place to live, having support, having his belongings with him....I told him I would stick with him. Nope.

Meth must be a hell of a drug.

I am sorry for what brings you here.

The same might be said about co-dependency.

Good point.

Meth is a powerful drug. So is crack or any other form of cocaine. Heroin is a particular sort of hell.

An active addict will do whatever it takes to maintain the addiction--regardless of who they hurt. Spouses, children, friends, parents, co-workers, bosses, it matters not to them. Anyone who gets in the way of the addiction is the enemy--anyone.

I'm sorry you were hurt by your friend, but I'm afraid I'm not surprised by this behavior.

Please take good care of you!

Yes, what they said.

Expect him to call you at some point. The meth run will need a tiny break and he'll want a hot shower some day, maybe some food and a warm bed.

I would not let him in my house at all knowing what you just wrote.

Be strong.

There is help for him and he can find it if he ever wants it. Not your job to fix this, only misery will come to you. If you want to help, have a list of phone numbers for him to call and hand it to him when he shows up.

Let him find a phone to use somewhere else. :wink3:

Very sorry for what happened.
You tried to help a friend who, it turns out, didn’t really want your help.
And, yes, meth is terrible.

Yes. Drugs turn people into the worst liars. Don't ever believe an addict.

I too am sorry for what brings you here.

Thanks to all for the thoughtful responses.
I appreciate it!
During the time he was in jail and I bailed him out.... the peak drama, it felt like no one could ever have been in such a crazy situation. But here in these forums, I have learned that it's all too common. Being here has helped me to put this situation into perspective.

His elderly mother told me the other day......."When he's on Meth, his baseline is chaos"

Sounds like Mom has a pretty good grasp....

My addict's DOC was meth.

When it went on long enough, she became full on psychotic.

After 15 years of addiction, felonies, incarceration, rehab, relapse, repeat, what brought sanity to my life was letting go and letting be - she's sober and in a group home (at least for now).

So, yes, it is a hell of a drug, and it is a choice. There is help for addicts when they are ready to put in the work.

And, for those of us who love them - it is important to be vigilant to our "hooks" - the things that make us do crazy things for them that don't really help. It amazes me how little I was willing to treat her like an adult who needed to learn from the consequences of her choices - when that was the only thing that made a different. So good for you that you are doing something for yourself after only 3 years.

Wishing you clarity and courage.

“When he’s on meth, his baseline is chaos.”

I love this line.

So my friend missed his court date, and now he has a warrant.

He now has three drug charges, all felonies for possession.
But he has no priors for any drug offenses.

The court date he missed was for a probation violation.
I don't know if my state is tough on drug offenses, but is it likely that he will be sentenced to jail for possession, or is it likely to just be more probation?

I am definitely codependent. I crave his attention just like he is my drug. Ugh.

do you crave the attention.......
or the chaos?

trust me, nobody on meth makes a good anything, much less a "friend" or love interest. it just ain't gonna happen. his life is consumed, his brain is hijacked, and you will become collateral damage unless you get the hell out of the way.

stay away. be done.

AnvilHeadII,
Probably the latter.

I see now that his brain is absolutely consumed; I recall when he lived with me, a task that would take someone 5 minutes took him about 7 hours.
And his brain is definitely hijacked! His memory was close to zero.
It makes complete and perfect sense when you say this....
He's not my friend. Not really.
He never really was.

I offered him what I thought was the greatest deal ever....but to an addict, I guess the only greatest deal ever is the drug they're chasing.

Posting here is amazing. The wisdom is clear, concise and comes from people who know from experience.....

I am in over my head, and getting the hell out of the way is sage advice.
I am away now, and I need to stay away.

Thank you kindly for the post.

Hi gum, have you heard of the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie?

It's very often recommended here and you might find it helpful. Not saying you are or aren't codependent by the way! Just great information on relationships and boundaries etc.

I have, but just recently since I found SR.
I'm afraid to read it. My picture might be in there!!

LOL.... GumChewing if that were the case we would have all had a full feature in the book at some point!

I only bailed my son out of jail once, like you I believed the promises of checking into rehab and staying clean, tears and all. We didn't even make it home before he got out at a stop sign and headed out looking for drugs.

Anvilhead nailed it, there is nothing, NOTHING, in this relationship for you. Take your lessons and let the circus leave town without you.

A codependent and an active addict are as lethal a combination as an addict and a bucket of meth. There is no happy ending.

Read the book, Codependent No More. You will see my story on pages 1 through 100, oh hell, it's ALL about me doncha know. Read it...I promise you will be glad you did.

Put on your running shoes and be glad you got out before it got worse.

Warrants don't mean a whole lot unless the person gets stopped by a cop. My son had 3 warrants for about 8 years. He just never happened to get stopped and the cops are too busy to go out looking. He'd gotten sober, was going to community college and we just happened to be pulled over on the freeway when a highway patrol came along to ask if we were okay. He ran my DL & took my son's info - needless to say my son got a ride to jail with the highway patrol.

I know all to well the codependency - I had it BAD with my son. Books (including Codependent No More), Alanon & Naranon meetings and constant reading (and occasional posting) here helped me to mind my own business.

Ann: Let the circus leave town without me. I like that idea A LOT.
That your son didn't even make the car trip home speaks volumes. I appreciate you sharing this with me; I read every word very carefully.

Today I am feeling less interested (obsessed) with my friend the meth addict. Thankful for that. Grateful for the people posting here!

JMFburns: I like that story about your son and the Highway Patrol. I am happy you told me that. I am codependent. I need to read that book yesterday.

This site is the bomb.com
Thanks.