Thewhit

this is a long one so bear with me It happened when I was in middle school the first time I found out my dad was involved with drugs he was arrested for crossing state lines with drugs at the time I didn't know what I was just sad I couldn't see my dad and wouldn't be able to in a very long time I lived with my mom and her fling she met online my mom had this man come visit us and he never left they got married soon after I was very upset with this as this man was a alcoholic and abusive towds my mom then that terrible news came in that my father was in prison and I was stuck with my mom and abusive alcoholic step dad at that point I was never exposed to any type of drugs or alcoholism so this was all very new to me high School comes around my dad gets out of prison my mom eventually kicked me out of the house because well I kept calling the police on my stepdad for abusing my mom once he even came into my bedroom at night and try to touch me I told my mom about it she wasn't having it she said it was probably me who wanted it I don't blame my mom this was all new to her too she hasn't had a man in her life since my dad she was somewhat happy I guess she just really didn't want to be alone anymore so on New year's night I don't know she just snapped over something really Petty we didn't have laundry detergent and she blamed me kicking me out in the middle of the night nowhere to go but to my dad that had just got out of prison that was staying in a bedroom at his brother's house my dad and I shared with bedroom for a few months he started working again but also started using again so he didnt really care what I was up to I was pretty much up to no good stay out all night with my friends I was happy because this was a new freedom I have never had before but my freshmen year in high school had just started it was the week of homecoming on a Wednesday my brother and I rode the same bus to school my brother was still living with my mom and my stepdad on that bus ride that Wednesday morning my brother had told me our mom was moving to New York with this man on Friday I was at the time kind of happy I guess I was also very upset why would my mom not try to tell me why was she just leaving abandoning us she left my brother with my dad as well my dad had to tackle raising two teenagers that he was unable to raise while we were growing up I'm sure that cause a lot of stress and frustration on him causing his drug addiction to get worse we eventually got into our own apartment and that is when I witnessed with my own eyes my dad actually using his drugs for the first time I was walking out of my bedroom to leave the living room was on the way out the front door when I was walking past the living room I noticed living room with extra smokey and at the time I thought I seen my dad holding a crack pipe come to find out it was a meth pipe either way it's bad he didn't even care that I seen soon after that I ended up getting pregnant with my first child like I said I was up to no good my dad just didn't care but my dad got help the baby was born he wanted to better himself for his grandbaby he was sober for five years in 2013 he got married to his high school sweetheart my stepmom she was absolutely amazing she loved my dad and made him extremely happy she was also a recovering addict they were doing so good had house nice cars a big yard and loved their grandbabies they were doing good and sober but I don't know exactly what happened I caught my stepmom using meth again I mentioned it to my dad and he just brushed it off said I was pretty much crazy he didn't know and he didn't want to believe it but then she started selling herself to afford the drugs he found out and for some crazy reason he decided the best idea would be to use with her I guess if you can't beat them join them right I ended up meeting my now husband we moved very close to my dad and stepmom despite their drug addiction we spent lots of time together but then I had this weird feeling that my husband was using also and my gut feeling was right one night he had meth right In front of my face I did not want to do it my stomach was telling me don't do it especially after I just had two more kids they were twins they are twins but I gave in it was better than arguing with him about it which was the stupidest mistake on my life I went and got help because I knew I needed it leaving my oldest daughter in twin boys with my husband stepmom and father while I was in the hospital I had nobody else to watch them I knew I needed help I had no choice well in the hospital I told them everything I got everything off my chest witch it felt good at the time because I did get all this off my chest trying to better myself for my family my kids were removed from the house and put into foster care temporarily I didn't even get to see them before they got taken I felt so defeated I just want to give up but I didn't I fought and I fought hard so did my husband he got sober I got sober we left the whole town behind us to follow our kids in the foster care system to do our best to get them back cuz we were not going to give up on them stop speaking to my step mother and father they were refusing to get help but then two years pass we finally got our kids back full custody in all you were living in okay apartment and my Dad decided to leave his wife he didn't want to be a part of that life anymore he wanted help he came to the town we were at so he could be closer to his grandbabies he got sober he got two jobs and somehow he started using once again he lost his place it was homeless but no way I was going to allow him to come into my house around my kids and use drugs I mean thats why my kids got taken in the first place and I just fought hard to get them back no one was going to take that for me my husband and I and the kids moved into a better home a bigger home but my dad was still homeless he asked if he could store some stuff in our garage and we agreed shortly after that we found out not only was he storing his belongings in there he moved in there without our permission and at some point some how made copies of our keys for a home and garage so he could come in and out whenever he pleased I felt so upset and betrayed and just disrespected but I wanted to help my dad so I allowed it thinking oh maybe if I help it will get better that was like 3 months ago instead of getting help for himself he started inviting all these people in and out of my garage all throughout the night known drug dealers and drug addicts and prostitutes this was happening on my property where my kids layed their head at night I kept telling my dad this can not be happening not on my property not around my family he promised me it would stop and I believe them but never did it got worse and worse well for Father's day just this last month I bought my husband a new smoker for barbecuing the first time we ever went to light up that smoker to start barbecuing guess what we find on top a shard of crystal meth just sitting there like for real so I reminded my dad this is why my kids got taken this cannot be happening here he promised it would stop at that point I was done I wanted him out but I didn't I let him stay even longer which is a big mess up on my end just this last weekend my kids and husband went to a wedding we comeh back home we let the kids play outside I noticed a bag in the yard thinking it was just like a candy wrapper I didn't think much of it my husband picks it up it's syringes just sitting in my yard where my kids were playing where my friends kids were playing any of them could have got a hold of that it was just sitting there on the open at that point I really had enough so my husband takes those syringes put some right on the table in front of my dad so no way he could deny it now he's busted my dad still denied it he almost made it seem like they were ours he didn't say it out flat but I mean he made comments making it seem like they were ours my husband and I had been sober for three years at that point at this point and no way we were going back we needed our kids and we were refusing to let them go again for the same exact reason we lost them in the first place my dad said he'd get rid of them and it won't happen again that it was an accident I didn't believe him cuz he has clearly been lying and disrespect me this whole time on my property where I pay all the bills and he pays none but my husband being the kind-hearted person he is believed him and let him stay fast forward to today July 2nd 2019 my dad comes up into the house this morning while I'm making my kids breakfast he asked me for money so he can get gas in his car and a soda before work I told him I do not carry cash and I have it on a card I just don't want to worry about receipts and I like knowing where my money is going therefore I keep it all on the card so if any money gets spent off of it I get a notification on my phone immediately tell me where and what it was spent on I feel like that's more responsible way to go anyways he was not having it he just kept saying he wanted a few dollars and I kept telling them I do not have cash I told him I would have to take his car down to the gas station and fill it up to a full tank and buy a soda like he asked I thought that would be enough he didn't want to do that he reminded me again he just needed a few dollars he was seeming very upset at that point which I didn't understand I was giving him exactly what he was asking for so I thought so I decided instead of me taking his car down to put gas in and buying him a soda he could take my card and he could do it himself either way I know where the money's going because I get a notification on my phone immediately maybe he just wanted some independence I don't know giving my dad the benefit of the doubt at that point he became extremely upset with me telling me again he just wants the money for gas and a soda he don't want the card he don't want me to go fill up the tank he wants the cash which I didn't have on me I mean it was extremely clear why he did not want the card or want me to fill up his tank it's really clear why he wanted the cash like I'm not stupid he's yelling at this point and the slamming my door he did this all in front of my kids which is disrespectful but I did not argue with him I just let him walk out whatever I wasn't about to play his game especially after finding those syringes in my yard he had text me talking all kinds of crazy stuff I didn't even read The text to tell the truth did not want to get upset and affect my parenting for the day but then he called me up and asked me if he could come back and take a shower before heading to work I said of course but when he comes up he's just yelling at me in my house in front of my kids because I did not give him the cash he wanted the cash that I did not have cuz it was on my card I just ignored him yelling and eventually he just left he just kept texting and texting and texting he was mad so then at that point I truly had enough I set my boundaries I put my foot down and I told him you get paid tomorrow there for you take that money and you get out I explained to him about the drug use and the needles he constantly denied about I was not going to believe him I've had enough I kept reminding him how much I loved him but I also kept reminding him that tomorrow when you get your money you are leaving so tonight I'm going out getting new locks for the house and garage midnight tomorrow well Fourth of July technically I will be changing those locks and you will no longer have the key I feel good but at the same time I feel bad I just wanted to help him but he refused he lied to me he disrespected me and he disrespected my children so I know I'm doing the right thing. And I am so damn proud of myself . He pretty much told me and my kkids we won't ever see him again I explained to him that he is more than welcome to visit but he is not allowed to live here but if he chooses not to be around then that's on him

Ann

Welcome to SR, I am glad you found us and so very sorry for your sad life so far.

The past cannot be changed, but YOU get to decide how the future will unfold. You don't have to have anything to do with drugs or anyone who uses them but setting the boundaries and keeping them can be difficult to do.

Can you reach out to a women's centre to help you set up a life that is drug free? They may have connections to get you the help you need to deal with the past and plan for a better future.

Stick around, there are many here who may be able to help more than I can. The fact that you are reaching out for help is a huge first step for you.

hopeful4

I am so sorry for all you have been through. However, how wonderful for you, your husband, and your children that you fought so hard for your own sobriety and have overcome addiction yourself. Well done!

As hard as it is, you are being used. Your own father is at this point immersed into his addiction and it is going to come first. You have to stop giving him chance after chance. Protect yourself and your children at all costs. Your father is a grown adult. There is help out there for him, and he knows that. However, you cannot make him choose to be clean. He has to want that for himself.

Sending you a big hug. I am glad you are here.

Troubledone

Anyone within the gravitational pull of an addict will get sucked into a vortex of chaos. How strong, brave and wise of you to use your strength to look it squarely and pull away from it all. You have every right to be proud of the actions you are taking.

If I have learned anything from my 15 year journey with my addicted niece (meth) it is that my "helping" gets in the way of her higher power working with her. I think that is true for most or all addicts. Helping in the short term with the problems resulting from poor decisions doesn't really help in the long run for people to do what they need to do, it only prolongs the agony, blocks the action of their higher power in their lives and depletes the one who is "helping".

He may take a few more runs at you to test your resolve. I am hoping that is not the case. It is also my experience that when you really mean it, they get it and if they are not ready to get sober, look elsewhere for enabling.

Sending you a big hug, and prayers for strength, clarity and wisdom. Wishing you a life of the joyful freedom that comes from taking responsibility for your own life and letting others take responsibility for theirs.