Finally Done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
Finally Done
Well, I haven't been on here in about a month. I am finally done. It takes me a long time to leave things that are bad for me, for example, my marriage, a horrible job, and my Ex-Addict. But when I finally decide to do it, I do it, and I am finally there with Ex-addict.
If you don't know my story, you can look at my history here. Just know that if you are in a co-dependent situation with an addict, there is hope and you can get out of it because if I can do it, anyone can. I was in deep.
What made it finally happen? Well, as forum members advised me, I had to realize that I just had to cut my losses. I kept thinking he would change. Then I kept thinking that it had to work because I lost so much because of him. Then I finally realized that I had to cut my losses and take the leap of faith that I could survive without him. Because as I held on to him I was just losing more and more of myself and my money. My son who is a senior in high school st arted smoking marijuana and letting his grades fall so I had to be there even more for him. My ex-addict left for longer periods of time and I realized he was never going to be trustworthy.
I am still financially paying for my poor decisions. But I do feel a sense of a burden being lifted from my shoulders.
I am still dealing with car issues, so NEVER, EVER, let an addict borrow your car and NEVER cosign for an apartment, vehicle, credit card or anything like that. The law will not protect you.. I am still paying for thousands of dollars in tickets that he got on my car that he took and would not return.
Now that I don't want him in my life anymore he wants to come back. So in addition to still paying car crap and loans I took out for him, I am dealing with that. No, I won't take him back but he has been coming around to my house and it is hard.
Thank you all for your support. You are the only ones who have understood what I have been going through.
I wish everyone peace and love .
OT
If you don't know my story, you can look at my history here. Just know that if you are in a co-dependent situation with an addict, there is hope and you can get out of it because if I can do it, anyone can. I was in deep.
What made it finally happen? Well, as forum members advised me, I had to realize that I just had to cut my losses. I kept thinking he would change. Then I kept thinking that it had to work because I lost so much because of him. Then I finally realized that I had to cut my losses and take the leap of faith that I could survive without him. Because as I held on to him I was just losing more and more of myself and my money. My son who is a senior in high school st arted smoking marijuana and letting his grades fall so I had to be there even more for him. My ex-addict left for longer periods of time and I realized he was never going to be trustworthy.
I am still financially paying for my poor decisions. But I do feel a sense of a burden being lifted from my shoulders.
I am still dealing with car issues, so NEVER, EVER, let an addict borrow your car and NEVER cosign for an apartment, vehicle, credit card or anything like that. The law will not protect you.. I am still paying for thousands of dollars in tickets that he got on my car that he took and would not return.
Now that I don't want him in my life anymore he wants to come back. So in addition to still paying car crap and loans I took out for him, I am dealing with that. No, I won't take him back but he has been coming around to my house and it is hard.
Thank you all for your support. You are the only ones who have understood what I have been going through.
I wish everyone peace and love .
OT
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
I'm glad things are going to get better now OT4kids. If he keeps coming around and starts bothering you even after you have told him you don't want to see him anymore, consider getting a restraining order (if it's appropriate). Have strength and keep those boundaries!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by OT4Kids 
Now that I don't want him in my life anymore he wants to come back. So in addition to still paying car crap and loans I took out for him, I am dealing with that. No, I won't take him back but he has been coming around to my house and it is hard.
OT
keep allowing me to come around. tell me youre done but youre not because you allow me around. say you dont want me in your life but your actions say otherwise- you are still my hostage. allowing me around gives me the power to control your thoughts-you cant get me out of your head and thats what i want so my hostage doesnt truly leave. it keeps you that much further away from serenity and brings you closer to allowing me fully back in and dragging you down further.you dont have to take me back because you are still mine as long as you allow me around- im still controlling your thoughts and actions.
keep allowing me to come around.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
OT.... in just the few paragraphs you typed here, you sound so much stronger then I've ever heard you sound since you started posting here. You seem focused and resolved instead of scared and scattered. I am so glad you have finally decided to be done allowing this addict to abuse you. I'm so proud of you! I know how hard this has been for you. Life is going to get so much better now that the healing can start. *hugs*
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi, OT
I'm so happy for you to have come to this decision. I also know how hard it was for you and how you may feel uncertainties now. I did go through what you did, and it was so emotionally destroying to me.
Right now, your son needs you, and you need you. You are strong, you will get through this. Look at all of the things that you already got through. That takes a lot of strength. You are stronger then you think you are. It took a lot of strength to get through what you got through, now use your strength for yourself.
Can you please keep in touch here and let us know how you are doing. I don't come here that often anymore, but I do come here at least once a week because this is the place that made me feel safe.
Just many ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) )))))))
amy
I'm so happy for you to have come to this decision. I also know how hard it was for you and how you may feel uncertainties now. I did go through what you did, and it was so emotionally destroying to me.
Right now, your son needs you, and you need you. You are strong, you will get through this. Look at all of the things that you already got through. That takes a lot of strength. You are stronger then you think you are. It took a lot of strength to get through what you got through, now use your strength for yourself.
Can you please keep in touch here and let us know how you are doing. I don't come here that often anymore, but I do come here at least once a week because this is the place that made me feel safe.
Just many ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) )))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 114
Great decision for you and your children. Now you can get your life back on track. It will take time. Be kind and patient with yourself as you go through the healing and rebuilding process. Don't be surprised by moments/days where you feel you want him back. It's not you, it's the habit you created in your mind of wanting/needing him. Just allow yourself all the time you need. I'm so happy to hear you're putting yourself first now. It's not easy, but it is possible. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
Haven't been here for awhile
Hello to my dear support system. A lot has happened since I last posted. I did finally let go of my horrible relationship. I haven't seen him since February. He did try to torment me from a distance since then, most recently a couple of weeks ago when he told me he was going to kill himself. He may have. I am really not sure. I am still paying huge loans that I took out to help him as well as fighting many fraudulent charges he made on my credit cards once I left him for the last time.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I am soooo impressed...I remember many of your early posts and that situation was just so terrible for you.
You did it, though! You took your life back. Now you’re just sweeping up the mess a little.
You did it, though! You took your life back. Now you’re just sweeping up the mess a little.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Thank you for coming to give an update OT. I have often wondered how you were doing and had hoped you managed to stay strong in your resolve to be done with the addict. I am sorry about the financial mess you are in, but I am so very glad you have broken free from his spiraling chaos. You sound strong, he tried a manipulation tactic that had always worked on you in the past, but you didn't fall for it this time, excellent growth my friend!
I'm so proud of your progress! I hope you will still give us updates from time to time. Your story could be just the thing someone else here struggling needs to see/hear.
I'm so proud of your progress! I hope you will still give us updates from time to time. Your story could be just the thing someone else here struggling needs to see/hear.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good for you! I too am so proud of you.
I get it. I am financially paying for bad decisions with my XAH. Actually getting ready to file Chapter 13. It's ok, it's all worth it just to get out of a horrible situation!
Big hugs!
I get it. I am financially paying for bad decisions with my XAH. Actually getting ready to file Chapter 13. It's ok, it's all worth it just to get out of a horrible situation!
Big hugs!
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