Delraye2019

I dropped of my girlfriend 1 month ago. She PV court ordered since being there the told her no contact with me at all. I kinda see it I'm sober have been 2 yrs. She's bipolar also heroin addict alcohol before. At young age she's 27 now and before we got togetger she get drunk high an sex was normal part her addiction. We been togetger 4 yrs she has cheated before but I take her back. Now were cut off me knowing her she will be cheating or trying. I'm gonna encourage her an be her biggest cheerleader no matter what. They say in few months she may be allowed visit from me. But driving myself crazy worrying. She mention running 2 time that she got in contact. But says shes staying for me an us. I tell her I appreciate it but do it for herself I'm not going anywhere. But if i find out she's messing around. After she complete program don't think I can. No I know I will not be with her. Am I crazy, thinking too much or should I just give up.
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Ann

I'm not sure I understand, I read it that the court ordered her to have no contact with you. This means you two cannot communicate, even for you to say you support her. No contact means NO contact.

If I were you I would respect that, you could both get into serious trouble if you ignore a court order.

Maybe this is a good time for you to take time just for yourself and your own recovery, find your balance again and then see what 6 months from now brings, or a year.

Take care of you, fight to keep your sobriety, and hopefully you will be a stonger, wiser person in a few months.

Delraye2019

no the rehab center. Heck she can't even receive money from me in my name.

AnvilheadII

maybe this is a good time to take the break? she doesn't sound like solid reliable gf material....in your short intro you mention cheating three different times. and if i understand that is your main concern now with her in rehab.

that's a lot of chaos and worry that you do not need in your life. sobriety is about building a sane, stable life. see the no contact as a blessing. be well!

AlwaysGrowing

Delraye2019

Isn't now a perfect time to move on? No kids, no marriage...Maybe you could find someone to enjoy life. What you currently have is neither a life nor a real relationship.

Troubledone

One of the hardest lessons I've learned (and I hope I have learned it well), is that I was part of the problem with my addict. (my niece)

Oh, I was loving and caring and compassionate and that was the worst for her. I wanted to be the one to "save her" because I loved her so much.

Funny though, I noticed after a while that when she was in rehab, or jail or in a sober living or halfway house (this has been a 15 year journey of recovery and relapse), she would get better. Somehow she could accept the structure imposed upon her in those settings and do the work of recovery. However, when she was with me, she got worse - because I was loving her to death. (seriously) I made excuses for her behavior and didn't toss her out when she violated my boundaries.

Maybe consider the possibility that she is in the best possible place she can be, and that for a time (no one knows how long) the two of you might not be good for each other. Maybe that will change if both of you work your programs - but maybe not.

Letting go is very hard, but ultimately, letting go and letting be -so that each of you can grow and heal, might be the best gift you could give each other. Real love is wanting the best for the other person, even if that means letting go.

I have discovered the beauty and liberation and hopefulness of this gift - after the humility to accept that it is our HP that saves, not us.

Wishing you clarity and peace,