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We knew it would eventually come to this.

Old 05-12-2019, 11:43 PM
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We knew it would eventually come to this.

Well we found out today that are son AJ is being actively sought by Police in two jurisdictions. We don't know why but considering the shortage of manpower in our local forces and how busy they are it must be something fairly significant for them to be actively pursuing him for the last few days.

We did have contact with him for the first in about 3 weeks and we told him.he needs to give himself up and take care of whatever issue it is. He swears he has no idea why they would be after him, although we have a hard time believing that. He said he was going to "call" tomorrow.

He had asked his brother if he could "lay low" at his place to which he said no.

​​​​​​It was just a matter of time and it looks like time finally ran out. Hopefully it's minor but from my experience as a LEO, I somehow doubt it.
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Old 05-13-2019, 12:38 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that Jiggs. It's a terrible thing but perhaps the safest place for him is in jail. I hope he turns himself in and I hope he gets help.
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Old 05-13-2019, 06:28 AM
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I am sorry Jiggs, and I know how gut wrenching this is for you.

Sadly, for we parents of addicts, knowing they are in jail is often better than knowing they are on the street. At least they are clean and can get help there if they seek it, sometimes they can get drugs too but their odds of survival are better.

Keeping your son in my prayers, that this is a turning point for him or at least a valuable learning experience.

Hang in there, Jiggs, we get through this by walking together here.
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Old 05-13-2019, 09:05 AM
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I feel horrible as my son kind of hinted that he wanted us to be with him when he turned himself in, and we didn't bite.

My wife and I, as one of our boundaries, agreed before this that if he got himself into trouble we would not assist him in anyway, and that included rides to Police stations, court etc. His choices brought him to this point so he can put on his adult pants, figure it out and deal with it.

Driving him to sporting events etc when he was in school was one thing but driving him to a police station and holding his hand so he can turn himself in is quite another.

It's still very hard.
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:05 AM
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A friend called on his behalf from the Police Station. He did man up and turned himself in, which is great. He's being held on a domestic assault allegation that was reported by his addict girlfriend. He of course denies it but who knows.

He's currently "behind the pipes" awaiting to see if he is released on his own recognizance or if he needs to post bail.....which will be difficult since he doesn't have anything and we won't be stepping up to do it either.

Hopefully this is a "sobering" moment for him. Heartbreaking as we wish we could fix it for him, but we know we cant.
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Old 05-14-2019, 08:14 AM
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You are right, you cannot fix this. Maybe he will use this opportunity to see what his life is coming to. Stand firm.

Many hugs!
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:10 PM
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Took me 16 years to figure out I couldn't fix my daughter. And 12 of those were filled with denial. The truth is still immensely painful but at least I acknowledge it as the truth now. Best wishes for all of us who are working on self care .
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Old 05-28-2019, 08:18 AM
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Once certain thoughts like they'll wind up in jail start running through your mind I'd say you already have an accurate picture of what was going on. Actually in jail is just a confirmation.

Once the consequences of alcoholic's or addict's habits/actions starting running through my mind I knew was the point of no return . There would be no going back and things would be/will be different forever. Doesn't mean the alcoholic/addict can't change or family can't have 'a' relationship with them but things will never be the same. They will always be viewed upon differently and somethings they did cannot be undone or smoothed over.

Hopefully this trip to jail spawns a new positive way of life and behavior.
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