Heroin addict boyfriend dumped me out of nowhereóany insight appreciated - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-06-2019, 09:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Heroin addict boyfriend dumped me out of nowhereóany insight appreciated



Not sure what happened but my initial post was published too early and I donít know how to fix it. Anyways, like I said, Iím new to this website and I wish I had come across it a few months ago. I donít have anyone in my life that I feel comfortable talking to about this, and Iím not sure I know anyone who can relate in the first place. Iím hoping that someone here can provide any insight whatsoever about my situation.

Iím a 20/F college student and back in November, around 6 months ago at this point, I met a boy (my age) that I really hit it off with and we eventually began a romantic relationship. Early on, as in like within the first 2 or 3 times we hung out, he revealed that heís a heroin addict but had been trying to quit for around a year. I, too, have struggled with drug abuse, though my drug of choice was amphetamine and I never really cared for opiates. Combine my history of drug use with my tendency to be pretty open-minded (albeit quite naive in hindsight), and you probably wonít be surprised that I wasnít put off by his confession at all. Didnít change my feelings for him one bit nor did it scare me or anything like that. So we continued our relationship and I really started to like him a lot, like my feelings were developing pretty quickly and we spent tons of time together.

Mid-December came along and I, being from a different state than the one I attend college in, flew home for winter break. Nothing changed during that time and we texted, talked on the phone, whatever. Normal couple stuff. I was actually super anxious for the break to end so I could see him again because I missed him a lot when we were apart. Finally the day of my return flight came and I arrived back at my college town around noon, he came over and we spent the rest of the day together, out and about, he even introduced me to another friend of his I hadnít met yet. I had such a good time and I was really excited to see how our relationship would evolve in the next few months.

Not even one week passed before he dumped me, seemingly out of NOWHERE. You can imagine my surprise when he said he couldnít handle a relationship ďright now,Ē and he thought he could be with me and really tried to be a good boyfriend but he just wasnít able to keep going. I didnít say anything at all, mostly because I was trying not to cry in front of him, and he hugged me and said he was sorry and he would miss me, and then we parted ways. Itís been 4 months since we broke up and I STILL donít understand what happened. I think he had just recently started going to NA meetings by the time I got back, but like I said, he told me at the beginning that heíd been trying to quit H for a year. Did he lie about that or what? I remember him being on subs, but I donít know if those even worked now that I think about it because I witnessed him shooting up once. I guess I underestimated how much I knew what he was going through, because while I did abuse stimulants, I never really was ďan addict,Ē and I never did meth, only prescription amphs.

Anyways, Iím about to finish my semester and will be going home for the summer as soon as Iím done with finals. I still had something of his the other day, so I texted him and told him to come by and pick it up. I swear to god, as soon as I saw him in person all of my feelings just reignited and I got so emotional that I barely made it back up to my dorm room before I started crying!! I donít get it! We werenít together for more than 2 months, and twice as much time has gone by since we broke up! Iím definitely not over him, and I havenít been able to get this off my mind since I saw him a little less than a week ago. I want to ask him to meet up one last time before I leave town, but I donít know if thatís a good idea or if he even wants to? Should I just leave it alone? Have any of you been addicted to H or been with someone who was? Do his reasons for dumping me even make sense? I canít help but wonder if he used that as an excuse to get rid of me, but I know thatís probably super selfish of me to consider in the first place. I kind of let my guard down with him and he was a really good boyfriend, so kind and respectful, so smart and articulate. I could listen to him talk for hours and be perfectly content doing nothing else. Iím just confused and could use some support. Thank you so much in advance, and sorry for the lengthy post
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Old 05-06-2019, 10:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome

The thing about an addiction is it's more important........it always comes first every time. Short term concessions are made but they rarely last.
There could be a hundred reasons why he walked away but he is an addict and his addiction will come first.
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Old 05-06-2019, 10:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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IV heroine use is no joke. Its extremely destructive for both the addict & all those around them.

There is no making sense of their actions. They live a life chasing addiction. That's really the bottom line & the only reality which you can make sense out of.

Be grateful - for he did you a huge favor & you dodged a bullet.

I hope you are clean & off drugs. Please stay focused on your college education & have a wonderful summer off from school.

I am sorry for your situation.
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Old 05-06-2019, 10:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I am sorry for what you are going through. As to why he finished the relationship with you. Who knows, just an addict doing what addicts do, I expect.

I hope you take time for yourself to recover.
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Old 05-06-2019, 02:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, I am sorry you have been hurt but if you take a good read around, being dumped was probably one of those strangely wrapped gifts that come our way in life.

There is no happy ending for a relationship that includes active addiction.

Go home for the summer, try to heal from this sadness, and then do everything you can to move on with your life. There is nothing good to be found in this relationship, and you have a chance to make a better life for yourself, please take it.
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Go against the grain.
Donít be made timid by worried rejection.
Let natureís curious wisdom fill you.
Let the worldís mystical heritage guide you.
Paint your canvasses,
play your tunes.
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Old 05-06-2019, 03:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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novacationÖ..a 20yrs. old college student should be having one of the best times of her life....not being the casualty of somebody's addiction......
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Old 05-06-2019, 08:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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short term relationships end all the time, especially in college and early 20s. while this does have an element of drug addiction, it is also a story of youthful romance that has a short shelf life.

there are studies and statistics that indicate that men are likely to have an AVERAGE of six relationships before settling down, and women five. and lots of bad first dates or short term disasters.
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Old 05-06-2019, 08:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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The big problem with getting involved with an addict is not just the beginning part.

So you overlook the fact that he is an intravenous heroin user. I get being liberal in your outlook, I am too. While you respect his right to shoot heroin if he wants, it's really required to think about how that will affect YOU, not him, you.

Addicts are not known for being reliable. They are known for being unreliable, not of sound mind, mostly drugged, emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, selfish. That's the nature of addiction.

So when you think about dating someone with an addiction you can just say - oh, he seems nice, shame about the addiction but that doesn't affect me - well, yes it does and it will, in more harmful ways that you can forsee at that point.

I know, you know that now.

The drug will always be number 1 in his life, before family, certainly before you or his friends or his studies. Is that a person you want to spend a lot of time worrying about?

I'll guess he is still using and while he wanted to try some kind of "normal" existence, it's a lot of work to do that when you are an addict. You are not compatible simply because he wants to use drugs and be free to do that.

Chalk this one up to life knowledge you now have. I'm sorry you got hurt in all of this but you will get through it, it will fade and it won't hurt so much eventually.

As dandylion so aptly mentioned, you should be free to be having the time of your life right now. Try doing that.
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Old 05-07-2019, 12:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Trailmix, you (and so many others) deserve a medal or something. You always have a way of wording things so clearly with so much compassionate bluntness that it blows my mind. You see what others can't, and I know that comes from personal experience. I mean it when I say thank you for your many words of wisdom, you're the best!
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Old 05-07-2019, 12:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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NV,
Run and don't look back.
You have no idea what your future would be like with a heroin addict, its not pretty.
Sending hugs!!
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
I want to ask him to meet up one last time before I leave town, but I donít know if thatís a good idea or if he even wants to?
Meet up for what exactly?

Quote:
We werenít together for more than 2 months, and twice as much time has gone by since we broke up! Iím definitely not over him, and I havenít been able to get this off my mind since I saw him a little less than a week ago.
The person who caused your pain is not the person to heal it. Let him go.
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