SO stressed. Need to vent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 84
SO stressed. Need to vent
Really need to vent. Just need someone to listen to me without judging me,feel like I’m going crazy. I have a lot of stress on me right now and it’s getting to the point where if I fell asleep and didn’t wake up,I’d be happy.
A lot of people are aware of my story because I’ve posted about it a lot. I’m raising my son basically alone with minimal help from my mom. It’s put a strain on our relationship and we argue a lot. She threatens not watching him on days she said she would,tells me I’m a bad mom when I bring up someone temporarily helping with him while I get my life together,and flat out ignores my phone calls. She told me she would only help with my son if I stayed away from her. I was supposed to start work back today,she’s threatening not to watch him.
My anxiety is extremely bad. My son has acid reflux at two months old and I’ve been battling that. I already feel like a bad parent. I have zero help from the father because he’s an incarcerated heroin junkie. Obviously I should’ve picked a better boyfriend but things happen and I wasn’t aware it would end up like this. At least not until I was already pregnant.
I talked about adoption while I was pregnant and my family told me they would basically shun me. My mom said I had to stay away from her and she wouldn’t be involved in my life anymore. So I kept him. Yes I love my son more than life itself but I would be lying if I said I never thought about giving him up for adoption. I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression. When I gave birth it made it worse. Everyone expected me to just take up with being a single parent and deal with my anxiety too. And when I reach out to this day my mom tells me she done it with three kids,that I can do it too.
My whole life felt like it wasn’t even mine when I brought him home and still today 8 weeks later I still feel like I’m living a life I wasn’t mean to. The anxiety is still there and I have no one to understand me. Therapy isn’t an option until I find a ride there and a sitter. I’m feeling like I’m going crazy. I just need to figure out what to do with my life because its getting bad. The one person I’ve always had has pretty much turned her back on me (my mom).
It’s gotten to the point where I want to get away from her for a while to not only give her s break from our fights but to give myself a break from the anxiety she’s causing me. I feel like I’m literally about to snap mentally. I don’t know who to turn to anymore. I have no one to talk to. Just needed to vent. Thanks.
A lot of people are aware of my story because I’ve posted about it a lot. I’m raising my son basically alone with minimal help from my mom. It’s put a strain on our relationship and we argue a lot. She threatens not watching him on days she said she would,tells me I’m a bad mom when I bring up someone temporarily helping with him while I get my life together,and flat out ignores my phone calls. She told me she would only help with my son if I stayed away from her. I was supposed to start work back today,she’s threatening not to watch him.
My anxiety is extremely bad. My son has acid reflux at two months old and I’ve been battling that. I already feel like a bad parent. I have zero help from the father because he’s an incarcerated heroin junkie. Obviously I should’ve picked a better boyfriend but things happen and I wasn’t aware it would end up like this. At least not until I was already pregnant.
I talked about adoption while I was pregnant and my family told me they would basically shun me. My mom said I had to stay away from her and she wouldn’t be involved in my life anymore. So I kept him. Yes I love my son more than life itself but I would be lying if I said I never thought about giving him up for adoption. I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression. When I gave birth it made it worse. Everyone expected me to just take up with being a single parent and deal with my anxiety too. And when I reach out to this day my mom tells me she done it with three kids,that I can do it too.
My whole life felt like it wasn’t even mine when I brought him home and still today 8 weeks later I still feel like I’m living a life I wasn’t mean to. The anxiety is still there and I have no one to understand me. Therapy isn’t an option until I find a ride there and a sitter. I’m feeling like I’m going crazy. I just need to figure out what to do with my life because its getting bad. The one person I’ve always had has pretty much turned her back on me (my mom).
It’s gotten to the point where I want to get away from her for a while to not only give her s break from our fights but to give myself a break from the anxiety she’s causing me. I feel like I’m literally about to snap mentally. I don’t know who to turn to anymore. I have no one to talk to. Just needed to vent. Thanks.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Iris, I don't know where you live but could you call a crisis hot line in your area? You don't have to go anywhere, they will talk to you and offer options. If you have a job to start, perhaps you can find some day care that is affordable or free until you get on your feet.
Make the call, Iris, there is help out there but you need to connect to get it.
Keeping you and your child in my prayers.
Make the call, Iris, there is help out there but you need to connect to get it.
Keeping you and your child in my prayers.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
There was a girl who was very hungry and wanted to buy a loaf of bread. So, she went into town....In the town was a hardware store, which was located beside a bakery.
Every day, the girl went into the hardware store and asked to buy a loaf of bread....but, alas, she was told that they didn't sell bread at that store....only hammers and nails, and such. The clerk told her about the bakery, where she was sure to find fresh baked bread, to buy.
But, the girl was very frustrated and angry that the hardware store wouldn't sell her some bread...and, she was getting very, very hungry. She cried and shouted at the hardware store clerk...."Why won't you sell me some bread...you know that I am hungry!" The clerk said..."Please, little girl...don't come in this store asking for the bread that we don't have, any more. You need to go to the bakery where they have lots of bread",
The girl was very disappointed and left the town, because she was so angry at the hardware store. She left with no bread, and she was still very hungry.
If only she had been willing to go to the bakery, where all the bread was...…!
Every day, the girl went into the hardware store and asked to buy a loaf of bread....but, alas, she was told that they didn't sell bread at that store....only hammers and nails, and such. The clerk told her about the bakery, where she was sure to find fresh baked bread, to buy.
But, the girl was very frustrated and angry that the hardware store wouldn't sell her some bread...and, she was getting very, very hungry. She cried and shouted at the hardware store clerk...."Why won't you sell me some bread...you know that I am hungry!" The clerk said..."Please, little girl...don't come in this store asking for the bread that we don't have, any more. You need to go to the bakery where they have lots of bread",
The girl was very disappointed and left the town, because she was so angry at the hardware store. She left with no bread, and she was still very hungry.
If only she had been willing to go to the bakery, where all the bread was...…!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,629
Yes, get thee to the bakery.
Iris, I'm not going to sugar coat here.
You need help. Somehow, somewhere, you have gotten the idea in your head (perhaps from your Mom and others) that you are somehow expected to do this all on your own.
You know that you need help, we keep giving you the advice that you need help, but you don't go and get that help.
You are stuck in a loop. You are no further along than you were 8 weeks ago.
People will always have opinions - and good for them, but unless and until they are willing to back those opinions up with action, they are meaningless. I can suggest that you send your child to a private facility for daycare and you go out to work. There, I gave an opinion - which is completely useless to you. Now until I open my wallet and offer to pay for the nice private 24 hour daycare, my words are just words. Talk is cheap.
I'm sure you love your Mother and she loves you, but unless she is willing to support you in having your Son with you, she can make judgments all day long, without having to lift a finger.
Take heart, it will NOT always be this hard, but you are going to have to take charge of your life here. You get to call the shots. Frankly it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks when you are making a decision that is good for both you and your child.
If you would like to at least take a look at adoption, why don't you seek out that information. Make an appointment at the adoption agency and see what it entails (In fact if you explain you don't have transport the may come to you). Perhaps you would be more comfortable with an open adoption, at least explore the facts.
Perhaps you can look at foster care for your child if adoption seems too drastic at the moment. You don't know what is available until you go get that information, so why not. It costs you nothing and you will have facts. A week or two from now you can turn this whole thing around and be in a much better place.
As for your Mom, I know you are in a tough spot because you are supposed to be going back to work, not sure how that is going to work for you in the short term until you seek other options but looking for low cost or free options right now would be so much better than involving your Mother any more than you have to.
You can chart your course here Iris.
Iris, I'm not going to sugar coat here.
You need help. Somehow, somewhere, you have gotten the idea in your head (perhaps from your Mom and others) that you are somehow expected to do this all on your own.
You know that you need help, we keep giving you the advice that you need help, but you don't go and get that help.
You are stuck in a loop. You are no further along than you were 8 weeks ago.
People will always have opinions - and good for them, but unless and until they are willing to back those opinions up with action, they are meaningless. I can suggest that you send your child to a private facility for daycare and you go out to work. There, I gave an opinion - which is completely useless to you. Now until I open my wallet and offer to pay for the nice private 24 hour daycare, my words are just words. Talk is cheap.
I'm sure you love your Mother and she loves you, but unless she is willing to support you in having your Son with you, she can make judgments all day long, without having to lift a finger.
Take heart, it will NOT always be this hard, but you are going to have to take charge of your life here. You get to call the shots. Frankly it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks when you are making a decision that is good for both you and your child.
If you would like to at least take a look at adoption, why don't you seek out that information. Make an appointment at the adoption agency and see what it entails (In fact if you explain you don't have transport the may come to you). Perhaps you would be more comfortable with an open adoption, at least explore the facts.
Perhaps you can look at foster care for your child if adoption seems too drastic at the moment. You don't know what is available until you go get that information, so why not. It costs you nothing and you will have facts. A week or two from now you can turn this whole thing around and be in a much better place.
As for your Mom, I know you are in a tough spot because you are supposed to be going back to work, not sure how that is going to work for you in the short term until you seek other options but looking for low cost or free options right now would be so much better than involving your Mother any more than you have to.
You can chart your course here Iris.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Get help Iris. Start anywhere, via the phone, the doctor, social worker, hospital, but get help.
Many people have suggested many ways you can access help, but you keep avoiding answering. Have you taken up any of the very sensible courses of action others have given you information about?
Many people have suggested many ways you can access help, but you keep avoiding answering. Have you taken up any of the very sensible courses of action others have given you information about?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,629
One other thing I wanted to mention Iris, well two things. When I said -
You are no further along than you were 8 weeks ago, please know that was not a criticism at all.
It was a more of, if you address this now, 8 weeks from now (or 2 weeks from now) your burdens could be so much lighter.
I understand anxiety, I get that asking anyone for anything is inviting them in to your life where you would prefer less time around people, not more.
I get that you don't want people asking you a bunch of questions and you don't want them to come over and you don't want them to be at your place and the therapist is actually the last person you want to talk to.
I know that you look out at the church across the street and KNOW there are people there who would be more than happy to help you and yet you can't walk over there and ask.
I totally get it.
What I also know is that within that world of anxiety are little windows. Little windows where you feel a little more confident and a little less timid, where asking for help seems doable or at the very least making a phone call and talking to someone seems achievable.
Grab one of those moments and make a call to your nearest social services, your GPs office, walk over to the church.
That will make all the difference.
Oh and if one of those moments happens at 3 in the morning, send an email off to your therapist or GP or the closest family services or adoption/foster organization, heck, no reason you can't start with an email at any time if that is what you can manage.
You are no further along than you were 8 weeks ago, please know that was not a criticism at all.
It was a more of, if you address this now, 8 weeks from now (or 2 weeks from now) your burdens could be so much lighter.
I understand anxiety, I get that asking anyone for anything is inviting them in to your life where you would prefer less time around people, not more.
I get that you don't want people asking you a bunch of questions and you don't want them to come over and you don't want them to be at your place and the therapist is actually the last person you want to talk to.
I know that you look out at the church across the street and KNOW there are people there who would be more than happy to help you and yet you can't walk over there and ask.
I totally get it.
What I also know is that within that world of anxiety are little windows. Little windows where you feel a little more confident and a little less timid, where asking for help seems doable or at the very least making a phone call and talking to someone seems achievable.
Grab one of those moments and make a call to your nearest social services, your GPs office, walk over to the church.
That will make all the difference.
Oh and if one of those moments happens at 3 in the morning, send an email off to your therapist or GP or the closest family services or adoption/foster organization, heck, no reason you can't start with an email at any time if that is what you can manage.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i can understand needing to vent. however, venting alone kept me in the problem. theres no solutions in just venting. for me to get help i had to ask for solutions then get into action with those solutions.
please take the solutions given and run with them. youre worth it.
please take the solutions given and run with them. youre worth it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
She threatens not watching him on days she said she would,tells me I’m a bad mom when I bring up someone temporarily helping with him while I get my life together,and flat out ignores my phone calls. She told me she would only help with my son if I stayed away from her. I was supposed to start work back today,she’s threatening not to watch him.
I talked about adoption while I was pregnant and my family told me they would basically shun me. My mom said I had to stay away from her and she wouldn’t be involved in my life anymore. So I kept him.
I'm not telling you this so you can feel lousy. I'm telling you this because it seems to me you're seeking help IRL from people who seem to be incredibly unqualified to do just that. Maybe your mom has her own anxiety issues and can't tell left from right.
Therapy isn’t an option until I find a ride there and a sitter.
Also, have you heard of Home Visiting programs? It's not day care - professionals, often nurses, come in to help you during your child's early years. There's actually a national program called MIECHV (yeah, they have a branding problem) that provides this.
Here's some more info...
https://www.nursefamilypartnership.org/first-time-moms/
https://mchb.hrsa.gov/maternal-child...iting-overview.
And if there's an Early Head Start program in your area, you can check that out too.
Please don't think you're a failure for reaching out to these programs. Plenty of people shell out money to hire a night nurse/nanny/doula/tutor to help them with their children. What's the difference?
And the one thing I've learned about being a parent - so many people, including your own parents, are going to judge you for your parenting decisions no matter what you do - so you might as well do what you think is right.
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