Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz

You are not an idiot, you are just new to this. Because of my bad decisions, I am not new to this. I thought I would say that before commenting as I tend to be rather terse these days because of lack of time.

My exAH knew that I would not tolerate stealing (who would?) and I also inadvertently (because of ignorance) enabled him. BUT despite the fact that I gave so much to him, my life revolved around him, it was never enough. He found a way to hack my bank accounts and empty out our joint retirement savings without me knowing. I wondered why my accounts were down to zero so often. Each time the entire sum would disappear and I would have literally zero in the account. I had the bank investigate it. They said that I had used my bank card to withdraw the money or someone had access to my card number. I NEVER suspected my then-AH. By the time I did, it was too late for me in many, many ways. I had become pretty much destitute, had terrible mental and physical health, and was living with a very dishonest, dangerous person who knew how to break into the house even if he did not have keys.

So I don't know the addict in your life. But I will say this: never in a million years did I think exAH would ever do the things he did (not stealing, not lying, nothing like that). But I always had doubts about his maturity. When I allowed my exAH to determine the continuation of our engagement, it was because I didn't love myself enough to think I had other options.

ALWAYS look at the way a person treated their ex. The story of their past can tell you a lot about the story of your future with them if you decide to have one. Unless you do a lot of work on yourself, you are doomed to repeat things until you learn (this is true for addicts as much as it is for codependents).

Edit: Just read that he broke up with you. I'm sorry. It's not because of you, honestly. He's in no position to be in a relationship.