Really?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Really?
Happy Monday, SR community! So last time I posted here, I was trying to figure out what substance I found on some aluminum foil in the garage that was my husband's. I tested it and it turns out he's using meth-he also admits this now. He says he hasn't smoked meth in a long time and is snorting now. He's a seasoned alcoholic. He was previously addicted to pain medication. Says pain meds really don't do anything for him anymore. He is also snorting his Adderall. He has gone out on a "run" (what he has referred to it as) twice in the past week and didn't come home at all one night and came in at 4 am the other. This is something I have never experienced in the 6+ years of substance abuse and 20+ years of alcohol abuse.
He says the first time he stayed out all night, he used so much meth and then smoked so much marijuana that he realized he was too high to drive and slept in the car. (Really? Who does this? Why not just Uber home?) However, he managed to get home @ 8 am to get a shower and go to work . The second time was the time he rolled back in @ 4 am. When I expressed concern about being out so long and was assuming this had to do with seeking female companionship, he laughed at me and said it has nothing to do with another woman. I know meth certainly spikes his libido, but he also suffers from ED. So, I don't know what to believe. He claims it sometimes takes him a few hours to find what he wants because people who don't know him think he looks like a cop. That leaves a few more hours for using. My question is , do addicts really go out and use for 4-6 hours at a time? Do they use and start to come down and just use again until they either run out or decide they've had enough? I estimate he has been using meth for about 10 months now, likely daily. I know he stays up most nights at home until sometime around 2-4 am. On a weekend, he will stay up until 6 am then sleep during the day. Maybe someone who has used before will see this and be able to answer.
I have one child away at college and a 15 year old still at home. My 15 year old thinks he's absolutely absurd and he runs a tight race with her on making messes everywhere he goes. He was previously such a neat person-seemed to have OCD. My older daughter comes home from school some weekends and fusses at her dad to quit making messes and come back into the house to visit with her. If he's awake and at home, he's in the garage 90% of the time and in the bathroom the other 10% of the time. Actually falls asleep in there. Yes, I do realize this is not normal.
Thank you for taking the time to read!
HK
He says the first time he stayed out all night, he used so much meth and then smoked so much marijuana that he realized he was too high to drive and slept in the car. (Really? Who does this? Why not just Uber home?) However, he managed to get home @ 8 am to get a shower and go to work . The second time was the time he rolled back in @ 4 am. When I expressed concern about being out so long and was assuming this had to do with seeking female companionship, he laughed at me and said it has nothing to do with another woman. I know meth certainly spikes his libido, but he also suffers from ED. So, I don't know what to believe. He claims it sometimes takes him a few hours to find what he wants because people who don't know him think he looks like a cop. That leaves a few more hours for using. My question is , do addicts really go out and use for 4-6 hours at a time? Do they use and start to come down and just use again until they either run out or decide they've had enough? I estimate he has been using meth for about 10 months now, likely daily. I know he stays up most nights at home until sometime around 2-4 am. On a weekend, he will stay up until 6 am then sleep during the day. Maybe someone who has used before will see this and be able to answer.
I have one child away at college and a 15 year old still at home. My 15 year old thinks he's absolutely absurd and he runs a tight race with her on making messes everywhere he goes. He was previously such a neat person-seemed to have OCD. My older daughter comes home from school some weekends and fusses at her dad to quit making messes and come back into the house to visit with her. If he's awake and at home, he's in the garage 90% of the time and in the bathroom the other 10% of the time. Actually falls asleep in there. Yes, I do realize this is not normal.
Thank you for taking the time to read!
HK
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Yes, they will go out on a run for hours and sometimes days at a time. Everything you have posted describes a full blown meth head with no intention of changing. How long are you willing to live with that?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he realized he was too high to drive and slept in the car. (Really? Who does this? Why not just Uber home?
if you're too high to drive, you are too high to even think about calling uber for a ride. too high is just that - TOO HIGH.
He claims it sometimes takes him a few hours to find what he wants because people who don't know him think he looks like a cop. That leaves a few more hours for using. My question is , do addicts really go out and use for 4-6 hours at a time? Do they use and start to come down and just use again until they either run out or decide they've had enough? I estimate he has been using meth for about 10 months now, likely daily. I know he stays up most nights at home until sometime around 2-4 am. On a weekend, he will stay up until 6 am then sleep during the day. Maybe someone who has used before will see this and be able to answer.
using for ONLY 4-6 hours and making it home is kind of like a record. usually the "event" lasts a lot longer, a good spinner is often 3 DAYS or more. meth gets you high and keeps you there for a long time.
so you have a daily meth using husband. there's a lot wrong with that....first it's illegal, and it's wayyy dangerous (have you ever looked at what they make that crap with????), and the longer he uses the worse he's gonna get. if he isn't tweeking and all paranoid yet, he will be, and there is NO coming back from that.
what do YOU want? besides trying to figure out more about his drug use?
if you're too high to drive, you are too high to even think about calling uber for a ride. too high is just that - TOO HIGH.
He claims it sometimes takes him a few hours to find what he wants because people who don't know him think he looks like a cop. That leaves a few more hours for using. My question is , do addicts really go out and use for 4-6 hours at a time? Do they use and start to come down and just use again until they either run out or decide they've had enough? I estimate he has been using meth for about 10 months now, likely daily. I know he stays up most nights at home until sometime around 2-4 am. On a weekend, he will stay up until 6 am then sleep during the day. Maybe someone who has used before will see this and be able to answer.
using for ONLY 4-6 hours and making it home is kind of like a record. usually the "event" lasts a lot longer, a good spinner is often 3 DAYS or more. meth gets you high and keeps you there for a long time.
so you have a daily meth using husband. there's a lot wrong with that....first it's illegal, and it's wayyy dangerous (have you ever looked at what they make that crap with????), and the longer he uses the worse he's gonna get. if he isn't tweeking and all paranoid yet, he will be, and there is NO coming back from that.
what do YOU want? besides trying to figure out more about his drug use?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Heelkat, continueing where anvillhead left off,i think some questions you should ask yourself is
"do i want this in my life?"
"does my 15 year old child deserve to be around this?"
"is this what i want my life to be like?"
"where do i want to be 1 year from today?"
"do i want this in my life?"
"does my 15 year old child deserve to be around this?"
"is this what i want my life to be like?"
"where do i want to be 1 year from today?"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Does he have a life insurance policy?
If not, maybe try to get one for him as soon as you can. He'll need to be sober for the blood test they do, but at least when he finally runs across that bad batch of meth, or a drug deal goes bad or the other million things that can go wrong, at least you'll have some income to get by with until your can figure out your next steps.
I get how hard it would be to get him to stop, divorce him, leave him, explain it to the kids, etc., so I can't judge anyone who opts to put up with someone who is at least functional enough keep down a job. It's just that people naturally build up a tolerance to drugs and alcohol and keep needing more and more, and more often (as you have already seen this pattern develop) until a crisis of some type hits.
Of course, you could get lucky and he just gets arrested at some point, but if he's not carrying a lot of drugs on him, he'll just do some outpatient rehab or something. It might or might not work.
Maybe just try to think of ways to take care of yourself if you feel compelled to stick around - and have a plan B in case things go south.
and - like others say, the 4-6 hour runs are nothing compared to what happens when an addict becomes less functional - so it will probably get worse. (Hence the need for plan B).
There isn't any chance the 15 year old will find drugs in the house is there? Many folks who try meth get hooked on the first try, so I'd hate to have something like the younger one find something and figure if Dad does it, it must be OK.
Hoping you find your path to a better life and can protect yourself in the event he keeps going down this road.
If not, maybe try to get one for him as soon as you can. He'll need to be sober for the blood test they do, but at least when he finally runs across that bad batch of meth, or a drug deal goes bad or the other million things that can go wrong, at least you'll have some income to get by with until your can figure out your next steps.
I get how hard it would be to get him to stop, divorce him, leave him, explain it to the kids, etc., so I can't judge anyone who opts to put up with someone who is at least functional enough keep down a job. It's just that people naturally build up a tolerance to drugs and alcohol and keep needing more and more, and more often (as you have already seen this pattern develop) until a crisis of some type hits.
Of course, you could get lucky and he just gets arrested at some point, but if he's not carrying a lot of drugs on him, he'll just do some outpatient rehab or something. It might or might not work.
Maybe just try to think of ways to take care of yourself if you feel compelled to stick around - and have a plan B in case things go south.
and - like others say, the 4-6 hour runs are nothing compared to what happens when an addict becomes less functional - so it will probably get worse. (Hence the need for plan B).
There isn't any chance the 15 year old will find drugs in the house is there? Many folks who try meth get hooked on the first try, so I'd hate to have something like the younger one find something and figure if Dad does it, it must be OK.
Hoping you find your path to a better life and can protect yourself in the event he keeps going down this road.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry you are going through this but have to say that I agree with those who are concerned for your daughter.
Protecting yourself and your child is more important than anything it may take or cost to do that.
You can make your decisions with a safe distance between you and addiction.
Good luck and prayers for all of you.
Protecting yourself and your child is more important than anything it may take or cost to do that.
You can make your decisions with a safe distance between you and addiction.
Good luck and prayers for all of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Suki,
Thank you for confirming. He will always deny that he's been gone to the grocery store/hardware store for 3 hours. He'll try to make me think I don't know what I'm talking about. Then, I start to question myself.
Thank you for confirming. He will always deny that he's been gone to the grocery store/hardware store for 3 hours. He'll try to make me think I don't know what I'm talking about. Then, I start to question myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Heelkat 
Suki,
Thank you for confirming. He will always deny that he's been gone to the grocery store/hardware store for 3 hours. He'll try to make me think I don't know what I'm talking about. Then, I start to question myself.
Thank you for confirming. He will always deny that he's been gone to the grocery store/hardware store for 3 hours. He'll try to make me think I don't know what I'm talking about. Then, I start to question myself.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...efinition.html (Gaslighting definition.)
You obviously get the methhead in your life and the anxiety, worry, misgivings and lying and gaslighting that goes along with it to play on your mind.
You are putting yourself at huge risk here Heelkat, he tells you he goes to the grocery store for 3 hours, he's lying to your face, don't ever doubt yourself. Who do you believe, yourself or the guy using meth all night?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Hi Troubledone,
You brought up a good point about life insurance. He once kept multiple life insurance policies in the event something happened to him so I wouldn't have to worry about taking care of the kids and providing for college etc... But those things cost money and he may have let them lapse. I will definitely look into this.
I'm not thinking I have to worry about my daughter finding and using. But, I don't want to set up the scenario for a far worse disaster. Also, there's just no need for this to be in the house at all.
I'm not saying one addiction is worse than another, but meth has changed his behaviors and personality more than pain pills and alcohol. Seems to be a bit more unpredictable.
You brought up a good point about life insurance. He once kept multiple life insurance policies in the event something happened to him so I wouldn't have to worry about taking care of the kids and providing for college etc... But those things cost money and he may have let them lapse. I will definitely look into this.
I'm not thinking I have to worry about my daughter finding and using. But, I don't want to set up the scenario for a far worse disaster. Also, there's just no need for this to be in the house at all.
I'm not saying one addiction is worse than another, but meth has changed his behaviors and personality more than pain pills and alcohol. Seems to be a bit more unpredictable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hey Heelcat, what's in this marriage for you?
I do have a great therapist. I get to the point of extreme sadness and just can't get to the point of being angry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by tomsteve
Heelkat, continueing where anvillhead left off,i think some questions you should ask yourself is
"do i want this in my life?"
"does my 15 year old child deserve to be around this?"
"is this what i want my life to be like?"
"where do i want to be 1 year from today?"
"do i want this in my life?"
"does my 15 year old child deserve to be around this?"
"is this what i want my life to be like?"
"where do i want to be 1 year from today?"
When he is functional, we have a great time together. I get the feeling from the responses from everyone that the functional him is going to show up less and less with meth in his life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
he realized he was too high to drive and slept in the car. (Really? Who does this? Why not just Uber home?
if you're too high to drive, you are too high to even think about calling uber for a ride. too high is just that - TOO HIGH.
He claims it sometimes takes him a few hours to find what he wants because people who don't know him think he looks like a cop. That leaves a few more hours for using. My question is , do addicts really go out and use for 4-6 hours at a time? Do they use and start to come down and just use again until they either run out or decide they've had enough? I estimate he has been using meth for about 10 months now, likely daily. I know he stays up most nights at home until sometime around 2-4 am. On a weekend, he will stay up until 6 am then sleep during the day. Maybe someone who has used before will see this and be able to answer.
using for ONLY 4-6 hours and making it home is kind of like a record. usually the "event" lasts a lot longer, a good spinner is often 3 DAYS or more. meth gets you high and keeps you there for a long time.
so you have a daily meth using husband. there's a lot wrong with that....first it's illegal, and it's wayyy dangerous (have you ever looked at what they make that crap with????), and the longer he uses the worse he's gonna get. if he isn't tweeking and all paranoid yet, he will be, and there is NO coming back from that.
what do YOU want? besides trying to figure out more about his drug use?
if you're too high to drive, you are too high to even think about calling uber for a ride. too high is just that - TOO HIGH.
He claims it sometimes takes him a few hours to find what he wants because people who don't know him think he looks like a cop. That leaves a few more hours for using. My question is , do addicts really go out and use for 4-6 hours at a time? Do they use and start to come down and just use again until they either run out or decide they've had enough? I estimate he has been using meth for about 10 months now, likely daily. I know he stays up most nights at home until sometime around 2-4 am. On a weekend, he will stay up until 6 am then sleep during the day. Maybe someone who has used before will see this and be able to answer.
using for ONLY 4-6 hours and making it home is kind of like a record. usually the "event" lasts a lot longer, a good spinner is often 3 DAYS or more. meth gets you high and keeps you there for a long time.
so you have a daily meth using husband. there's a lot wrong with that....first it's illegal, and it's wayyy dangerous (have you ever looked at what they make that crap with????), and the longer he uses the worse he's gonna get. if he isn't tweeking and all paranoid yet, he will be, and there is NO coming back from that.
what do YOU want? besides trying to figure out more about his drug use?
I have a co-worker who says I always try to understand or make sense out of things that you can't make sense of-like I'm missing something and just can't quite assimilate the information. I'll drive myself crazy trying to find the missing piece of the puzzle when, in reality, you just can't make sense out of it. I keep asking myself why he would choose this over us. I know the answer is because he's an addict, but I still want to make sense out of it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Heelkat
I keep asking myself why he would choose this over us. I know the answer is because he's an addict, but I still want to make sense out of it.
"At this stage of addiction the addict is in fact functionally insane. It is usually quite impossible, even sometimes harmful to attempt to talk him out of his delusions regarding his addiction. This situation is similar to that encountered in other psychotic illnesses, schizophrenia for example, in which the individual is convinced of the truth of things that are manifestly untrue to everyone else".
"For in the case of the delusional schizophrenic most people are quickly aware that they are dealing with someone not in their right mind - but in the case of the equally or at times even more insane addict, thinking that is in fact delusional may be and commonly is misattributed to potentially remediable voluntary choices and moral decisions, resulting in still more confusion and muddying of the already turbulent waters around the addict and his addiction".
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
I keep asking myself why he would choose this over us
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Heelkat
Thank you! Great questions to think about. One thing I do know is that my child doesn't deserve to be around this. Neither does my other daughter when she comes home from school on the weekends.
When he is functional, we have a great time together. I get the feeling from the responses from everyone that the functional him is going to show up less and less with meth in his life.
When he is functional, we have a great time together. I get the feeling from the responses from everyone that the functional him is going to show up less and less with meth in his life.
something to think about is that functional thing. are you referring to the actions being functional? if so, remove that and look at the mental and emotional functionality. how are those 2?
meth isnt a health drug so he wont be getting better on it. its a very fast destruction and theres a point in meth use where the brain cant heal. ive seen a few ex methheads that have permanent brain damage.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
meth is bad, bad news. hugely addictive. i was crack addict, and feel like a wimp compared to meth heads. and trust me, crack is no gentle friend.
to be clear, it is FAR worse than you can imagine. you are in way over your head. it really is best to get an exit strategy underway. check your finances, protect what you can. as others have said meth psychosis is a very dangerous place to be.....even police officers have protocols in place to deal with suspects high on meth. you are no longer dealing with normal....nor do you have that guy you knew for so long on your hands anymore. he is a threat.
to be clear, it is FAR worse than you can imagine. you are in way over your head. it really is best to get an exit strategy underway. check your finances, protect what you can. as others have said meth psychosis is a very dangerous place to be.....even police officers have protocols in place to deal with suspects high on meth. you are no longer dealing with normal....nor do you have that guy you knew for so long on your hands anymore. he is a threat.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by tomsteve
now that that is answered, do you want to do something to change YOUR situation-including your daughters situations,too?
something to think about is that functional thing. are you referring to the actions being functional? if so, remove that and look at the mental and emotional functionality. how are those 2?
meth isnt a health drug so he wont be getting better on it. its a very fast destruction and theres a point in meth use where the brain cant heal. ive seen a few ex methheads that have permanent brain damage.
something to think about is that functional thing. are you referring to the actions being functional? if so, remove that and look at the mental and emotional functionality. how are those 2?
meth isnt a health drug so he wont be getting better on it. its a very fast destruction and theres a point in meth use where the brain cant heal. ive seen a few ex methheads that have permanent brain damage.
This past summer was consumed with a "bug infestation" he had. We spent months treating this infestation of "fleas". He did have a few bite marks on his legs and his legs were swollen. I thought he had really been bitten and the edema in his legs was from the bites. It was bad enough that he went to the ER because he could hardly walk. I now know that was the psychosis. That hasn't happened again. He now admits that he was using a lot back then.
I'm really struggling today to keep it together. I just want to cry and I just want him to hold me and make it better. My family doesn't live nearby, so he has always been my comfort. The anxiety and sadness is real and I have to feel every bit of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
meth is bad, bad news. hugely addictive. i was crack addict, and feel like a wimp compared to meth heads. and trust me, crack is no gentle friend.
to be clear, it is FAR worse than you can imagine. you are in way over your head. it really is best to get an exit strategy underway. check your finances, protect what you can. as others have said meth psychosis is a very dangerous place to be.....even police officers have protocols in place to deal with suspects high on meth. you are no longer dealing with normal....nor do you have that guy you knew for so long on your hands anymore. he is a threat.
to be clear, it is FAR worse than you can imagine. you are in way over your head. it really is best to get an exit strategy underway. check your finances, protect what you can. as others have said meth psychosis is a very dangerous place to be.....even police officers have protocols in place to deal with suspects high on meth. you are no longer dealing with normal....nor do you have that guy you knew for so long on your hands anymore. he is a threat.
We were previously separated during his oxycodone days. I bought him out of his half of the house and he purchased his own, but he has been renting his out. We had a few blissful months together after he went to rehab at the end of 2017. It's sad that I reflect on the good times and he reflects on the bad.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 293
Heelcat, I was where you are now a couple of years ago, though it was crack and not meth. So much the same stuff, though. I get what you're feeling and I wish I could give you a story of hope and happiness. I can't, though. It will get worse. When I say worse, I mean a lot worse. If you can possibly do so, you will save yourself a lot of agony by getting out before he goes completely off the deep end, and he will. He will be unrecognizable to you. It is completely heartbreaking and I know that very well. It is going to be hard for you to imagine how bad it will get and I know that well too. You probably aren't ready to leave, and I get that 100%. I can tell you from my experience that everyone here is absolutely right. Anvilhead is so totally on point. You're getting ready to go through the worst **** of your life and I wish I could give you a really big hug. I am so so sorry.
If you stay, you will hit a point where you realize that it is all gone. The marriage is dead and you can't get it back. You won't ever have him back like it was. You will grieve that and it will be agonizing. You will be okay, though. You will then have the will to leave. You won't be able to stop yourself. The problem with waiting for your head and heart to align is that you will be in much worse financial shape by the time you leave and you will have experienced so much trauma that it will be harder than it would be now.
This just sucks, there's no way around it.
If you stay, you will hit a point where you realize that it is all gone. The marriage is dead and you can't get it back. You won't ever have him back like it was. You will grieve that and it will be agonizing. You will be okay, though. You will then have the will to leave. You won't be able to stop yourself. The problem with waiting for your head and heart to align is that you will be in much worse financial shape by the time you leave and you will have experienced so much trauma that it will be harder than it would be now.
This just sucks, there's no way around it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
