Sad tonight.

Old 03-20-2019, 01:26 AM
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Iris....I typed my post before I just read your last post....
I am hearing that you feel frantic, to get some relief.....and, I do realize that the nights are probably worse than the daytimes....Everything that you say is very typical of what others with post partum depression say....this is a real thing, and it is not your fault....
He are my suggestions, in light of your last post....
1. You can go the emergency room (with the baby)...and, tell them the exact words, that you are telling us....they will get special help for you, right away....
2. Or---you can call your therapist, or Gyn or pediatrician....and ask for an EMERGENCY appointment....because you are "having severe post partum depression" and, that you are "afraid that the baby is going to die and you are thinking about running away"....(you need to say that)….
3. Or__you can walk to the church across the street, with the baby, and ask to talk to someone there...and, ask them to get you some help...they have people that they can call, for you.....

Again, Iris....people will help you and you ar e entitled to ask for it....
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Iris1 View Post
Just waiting until someone watches him and then slip out and disappear.
You know, I bet when you think that you think, well that's crazy and they will think I'm crazy (guessing). Well it's not "crazy" and we don't and they (being your therapist or folks at the ER etc) won't think so either.

What you are experiencing is not that far fetched and you are absolutely not the first person to go through this and you won't be the last. So please stop judging yourself, if you are.

All of us need help sometimes, whether it's with children or relationships or just getting through the day. It's being human. Right now you have been given a situation which you admit (which is very brave btw) that you cannot deal with. That's ok. As the parent all you need to do is reach out for help, it's totally within your grasp.

Let's play this tape forward a bit. Let's say you call the ER or your therapist or grabbed an uber and went to either place today and told them what you feel, as dandylion mentioned. I imagine in your mind they all look at you in horror. That's actually not going to happen. I'm not a professional and even I wasn't shocked, at all. Yes, it is normal to be overwhelmed sometimes. If you need help now just ask. Think about how relieved you will be tomorrow if you ask for that help, or even later on today, you will have time to just take a deep breath and relax and sort everything out, time to heal.
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Old 03-20-2019, 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Iris....I get it, how down that you feel. I have seen other mothers who have felt just this way....in fact, about 10 to 15 per cent of mothers have been through this....It is a real thing, and professional people, as well as those of us who have been through it, do understand that....In fact, Marie Osmond (of Donnie and Marie Osmond...you can google them) has been very open, and talks about how it was when it happened to her...and it wasn't even her first baby! She talks about how important it is to ask your doctors for help.
It is understandable that you would feel like this...after all, you are going through grief about the disappointment in his father....and the adjustments of being a new mother, all at the same time...this makes it doubly bad...and it it a process that just has to be worked through...and, you will! It is just that you will need to realize and accept the fact that you will have realize and accept the fact that you will have to ask the right people for help, and then take each day at a time...considering getting through each day, as a victory, and, one day closer to healing....
You will have to sign permission, and, you can get your therapist to talk to your family, and explain post partum depression, to them. In fact, she might have a family meeting with them, and you, to discuss what it is all about, and what you need. You could talk to her and request this....
It may be that all of your help will not come from the people that you want (your mother/family)….it will probably need to come from others....there are people called "mother's helpers" who come and help you during the day....and, there are people who are called "baby nurses" who will spend the night to watch over the baby, and let you get sleep, etc. ***They are almost never actual nurses..but women who are very experienced with babies and new mothers. If these things are ordered by a doctor, they can be paid for by insurances....Also, these people are often available through volunteer organizations, that social workers and medical people know about....they do it for personal satisfaction of helping other people.
There is, also, the possibility that your and your son can live, for a while, at a special shelter....given that you suffered extreme emotional abuse from your the father of your child....(that would qualify you)….I had a girlfriend who went to such a place...(she didn't have a kid, though)...and it was a great, really nice place, with private room and lots of nice people who helped her, in all kinds of ways...it got her back on her feet with lots of services....
lol....I imagine that you h ate for me to say all of these things, because you want you family to be the source of all of the help..... But, I am writing it, anyway...because the reality is that there is help for you....if you will ask the right people for it...and, let them know everything that is going on with you....
You don't have to suffer, alone, with this, without help....
I am going to ask you a question which I hope that you will answer...do you have any faith that your therapist will help you? Or, do you have any faith that your Gyn doctor or pediatrician will help you?

I agree with trailmix that you don't need to be bothered by his father, right now. You need all of your mental energy for yourself...he will be out of action for a long time, so you can put than "on the shelf" for the immediate future....

I hope that you will think about all of this....and, it is true that some days are worse than other, as you go through this...always know that you can feel better on any given day....


i wrote a long reply out to you but lost it. I’ll try rewriting it later,maybe when I get some time to myself. My son has been increasingly fussier than usual and seems only with me. I guess he feels my stress,I don’t know. I’m so tired mentally.. currently crying because I need a break. I think I’m going to have to let someone watch him a few days. I know that’s bad but I need time to myself. I’m so frustrated. I can’t do this by myself,not even gonna attempt it.
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Old 03-20-2019, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Iris1 View Post




i wrote a long reply out to you but lost it. I’ll try rewriting it later,maybe when I get some time to myself. My son has been increasingly fussier than usual and seems only with me. I guess he feels my stress,I don’t know. I’m so tired mentally.. currently crying because I need a break. I think I’m going to have to let someone watch him a few days. I know that’s bad but I need time to myself. I’m so frustrated. I can’t do this by myself,not even gonna attempt it.

Ive been hesitant to say that. That I need to be away from my son. I’m a new mom I’m supposed to be head over heels for this little human but I just need away from him for a while. I am so stressed out. It’s unreal.
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Old 03-20-2019, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Iris1 View Post
Ive been hesitant to say that. That I need to be away from my son. I’m a new mom I’m supposed to be head over heels for this little human but I just need away from him for a while. I am so stressed out. It’s unreal.
I know that is what you are saying, I hear you and again, it's not shocking and please don't be hesitant to say how you feel.

You need a break, you are not abnormal, if you need a break for months and want to organize care for him, then that is what you need.

What I see you saying is that hey - I can't handle this right now and need help. THAT to me is unselfish, that is looking out for him and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact it is the right thing to do.
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Old 03-20-2019, 03:05 PM
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iris, you have been talking about wanting to run away since well before the baby arrived. i think there is a theme here and i hope you address it with someone who can truly help you, especially if you are not up to the task of parenting. dandy gave some excellent options. while you can vent here, that does nothing to remedy the situation or make sure that the baby and you are in good hands.
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Old 03-20-2019, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
I know that is what you are saying, I hear you and again, it's not shocking and please don't be hesitant to say how you feel.

You need a break, you are not abnormal, if you need a break for months and want to organize care for him, then that is what you need.

What I see you saying is that hey - I can't handle this right now and need help. THAT to me is unselfish, that is looking out for him and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact it is the right thing to do.

I have already been told that I’m a bad mom. By people that I love which hurts the most,but I swear I love him and want nothing more than for him to be happy. I just need a little while to myself. I’m going to ask to be out on medication when I go to my therapist appointment. I’m going to be completely honest with how I feel because I want to feel better and do better. I know my son needs me and eventually I will be who he needs. I just don’t feel like that’s right now. Not while I’m so sad. I feel like a failure but I can’t help it.
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Old 03-20-2019, 04:29 PM
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Iris...it is not "bad" to feel this way. You are probably too young to know about this...but, in the past, when large extended families lived near each other, there was lots of help for new mothers...kits of (usually women) to help with housework chores...to help with baby care and attend to the new mother...it was like a community effort....But, now, in this age...where families are living more distant from each other, and more women work outside the home, this is not so much the case. Now, by necessity, that help and care has to come from those outside of the family structure.... All new mothers need care and support..and you are NOT abnormal, in that respect...it is just that the family system and cultural practices have changed....
I am so glad that you are able to be open about this....we do understand.
Like trailmix said...taking care of your self is the right thing to do, and is best for your baby's welfare, too....you need to take care of your baby's mother.....
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Old 03-20-2019, 04:48 PM
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It is...I just read you last post...by all means, talk to the therapist about medication and the other ways that you need help....
You are NOT a failure....you are just feeling the changes that are occurring within your body, as a result of childbirth (with grieving thrown in, on top, I think)….this is not something that you caused and it doesn't mean that you don't love your baby, at all! The people that said this to you, likely, don't know Jack S*** about postpartum depression....
I know that this kind of thing hurts...naturally...but, even so, you will just need to overlook their ignorance, and operate from what you know and need. I am gong to assume that this came from your family...? That is why I suggested that your therapist might talk to them and explain what is going on...that it is a natural bodily occurance and is not your fault and doesn't mean that you are a bad parent or that you don't love your baby!
this is about hormones and neurotransmitters, in the brain....it is not about what kind of person you are......it can happen to anybody....
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Iris1 View Post
but I swear I love him and want nothing more than for him to be happy. I just need a little while to myself.
I believe you. I really do. If you didn't want him to be happy you wouldn't be considering what is best for him.
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:44 PM
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Iris....I thought you might appreciate to know of the following women...celebrities, who have talked openly about their own postpartum depression....these are just a few....they all talk about what it was like, for them. They all got through it....and are good mothers.....
They talk about thinking and feeling the very same things that you are going through....every single one....

Marie Osmond....Courtney Cox...Gweneth Paltrow....Brooke Shields....Vanessa Lachey…..Amanda Peet....Hayden Panettiere…..Alanis Morisette….Drew Barrymore....Lisa Rinna….Chrissy Teigen.....Adele.....Sarah Michelle Gellar...…

In particular.....Brooke Shields wrote a book called "Down Came The Rain"....
It brought a lot of attention to postpartum depression and what it was like, for her....
You can get it on amazon.com....a used copy can cost less than one dollar....plus the shipping cost.
You can, also, get it through your library......at no cost....

I just want you to know that you are not alone, or abnormal, or a badperson...it happens to a lot of women and it doesn't mean that they are bad mothers or that they don't love their babies...
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:36 AM
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Hi iris,

I see you're online now. As the others have said there is nothing abnormal about you. I've told you my story - how differently I felt with my two boys.

It's actually quite common in new mothers to feel like this. It's a shame that with this being brought to light that your family aren't more supportive.

However, as Dandylion said, your therapist may be able to talk to them and explain.

There's so much good advice for you on here that there's really little I can add. Over here, it would be our doctor who referred us to relevant agencies, not a therapist but I don't know how it works in the US. Hopefully though, once you see your therapist, things will progress.
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Old 03-21-2019, 04:37 PM
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Hey Iris, hope things went as well as can be expected for you today (I'm sure it was a trying day).

Above all I hope you got the help you need.

Please update if you would like to, would like to know how you are doing now.
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Hey Iris, hope things went as well as can be expected for you today (I'm sure it was a trying day).

Above all I hope you got the help you need.

Please update if you would like to, would like to know how you are doing now.

My son has been really fussy today. Bad,bad day. Very bad day. I’m learning everyday that I cannot do this parent thing right now. At this point people can call me the worst parent ever,I still just cannot do it. I’m pretty sure my son has reflux. He has another doctor appointment tomorrow. He has cried so much today in pain from spitting up it’s frustrating and anxiety inducing. I am just exhausted. Days like today I envision myself not being alive and actually kind of enjoy it. I’m not even suicidal but,lately I wouldn’t be afraid to not be here anymore. My appointment is tomorrow,I’m going to ask for meds. I tell my family multiple times that I can’t do this and they still think I’m not serious,or just saying it because I’m lazy or something. Truth is I really can’t do this. Truth is I feel like I’m somewhere I don’t belong and everything is completely wrong. I don’t wanna sound dramatic or anything so I apologize if I do. I’m just really tired of everything. Tirednof suffering from sadness and anxiety... it’s like I never get enough sleep now,I never feel ok and I’m always on high alert. I worry constantly for his safety,i no longer enjoy him I just worry for him ALL the time. Now he more than likely has reflux and it kills me to see him in pain.
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Hey Iris, hope things went as well as can be expected for you today (I'm sure it was a trying day).

Above all I hope you got the help you need.

Please update if you would like to, would like to know how you are doing now.
I really need someone to talk to in private. I can’t message back people on here it don’t let me for some reason. It’s frustrating.
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:31 PM
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Iris...it sounds like he may be colicky....and, that is really wearing on the parent...very wearing....He can be treated for this, and I think he needs to see the pediatrician...or, at least talk to the pediatrician or the nurses in his office about what to do....

Iris...would you consider to have your son placed in foster care...temporarily...until you can get yourself sorted out on this postpartum situation?.....bein in temporary foster care would not mean that you can't see him....If you would like that...talk to your therapist and ask her to help you accomplish that......she is there to help you.....
We are not going to call you a "bad parent"!!!!!
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:35 PM
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Iris...contact cece…..she is a moderater for this forum....she can help you to be able to do PMs.....private messages.....
Just click on her name and you should be able to send her a message....
I know that, sometimes, this technical stuff can be confusing (it is for me!!)...but, it ususally has a very simple "answer"....keep trying...lol...

You can find cece's name in bold letters at the bottom of the page...on the right hand side....
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Iris1 View Post
I don’t wanna sound dramatic or anything so I apologize if I do.
You actually don't sound dramatic honestly.

Sorry, for some reason I thought your therapist appt was today.

Glad you have your appointments tomorrow and can get some relief for both of you. Like dandylion mentioned, it could be colic and that is just exhausting for the parent and the child, so sorry you are both going through this.

Yes, you should be able to send PMs now, you have enough posts, wonder why that's not working, hopefully cece can sort that out for you.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums.../cece1960.html
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Iris...it sounds like he may be colicky....and, that is really wearing on the parent...very wearing....He can be treated for this, and I think he needs to see the pediatrician...or, at least talk to the pediatrician or the nurses in his office about what to do....

Iris...would you consider to have your son placed in foster care...temporarily...until you can get yourself sorted out on this postpartum situation?.....bein in temporary foster care would not mean that you can't see him....If you would like that...talk to your therapist and ask her to help you accomplish that......she is there to help you.....
We are not going to call you a "bad parent"!!!!!

I have switched his bottles multiple times. His formula three times. He spit it all back up and screamed today,which made me feel guilty for trying a new formula. I don’t ever wanna hurt my baby.. I felt so bad. I switched him back to his old formula and I’m hoping they put him on some meds tomorrow for the reflux. I’m so scared of him hurting,I’d take it all away if I could. I don’t wanna just give my child away. If a family
member would take him for a few weeks while I got my depression under control that would be ideal for me. I have had offers but,they’re not favorable situations so I refuse. I just want to be a good parent,but I need someone to help me until I get myself on meds and sorted out. It’s sad because I feel like I’m being forced to either be a functioning mother or,tocgove him up when I absolutely don’t want to do that. I love him I just wanna be the mom he needs me to be.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:21 PM
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Iris.....I hope I didn't give you the impression that I was suggesting that you give your baby up....not at all....And, certainly you should talk this over with your therapist, at any rate.
Of course, I don't know the family members that you are talking about...so, I can't give input on that....You certainly have to use your own judgement.
I can totally understand that you just want to get some space and relief for yourself....and, there have got to be some options for doing that. There are options for that...there are some women that are specially experienced in infant care, and do temporarily take over the baby care, while mother is able to resume full time, again....like, when a mother is sick, or something like that...
It is not about "giving away" a baby......it is just about temporary help....and the mother can visit and see the baby.....
I only bring this up so that you can see that there are options that you may never have known about.....
Of course, I know that you would not do anything without careful consideration....
I can see that you care very much about your baby....
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