Sad tonight.
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Iris.....I understand how you feel. Realistically, I didn't expect you to say that you are floating on a happiness cloud...lol. I have had newborns, before, and at less that 3wks...I remembering feeling tired and sleepy and wanting more than 24hrs.in a day....
The idea is to make progress, a little, each day....and, getting through each day is calling a victory.
Of course, it is no secret, now, that this involves baby steps and getting the kind of help that you need from those who do understand and are in a position and attitude of helping you, toward that goal....
Having said that...it IS o.k. to say that you feel horrible, if you are feeling horrible....you do need to be honest, and I am glad that you are doing so....
And, I realize that you are more than just "tired" from recently giving birth.....I believe that you are suffering from anxiety/depression, exacerbated by your personal situation....and, made worse by relative isolation....
Believe me, when I say that these are all treatable and can be changed....
It doesn't have to always feel like this.....
The idea is to make progress, a little, each day....and, getting through each day is calling a victory.
Of course, it is no secret, now, that this involves baby steps and getting the kind of help that you need from those who do understand and are in a position and attitude of helping you, toward that goal....
Having said that...it IS o.k. to say that you feel horrible, if you are feeling horrible....you do need to be honest, and I am glad that you are doing so....
And, I realize that you are more than just "tired" from recently giving birth.....I believe that you are suffering from anxiety/depression, exacerbated by your personal situation....and, made worse by relative isolation....
Believe me, when I say that these are all treatable and can be changed....
It doesn't have to always feel like this.....
I wish I knew how to stop feeling like this..
It makes me so disappointed in myself. I just wanna feel like I can get past the hard times without wanting to give up. 
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Iris...what you are describing sounds like depression.
Im sure it probably is. I cry all the time... crying now actually. Just wish I had someone to always be here for me and understood me. Because right now I feel like everyone that’s around me doesn’t understand how sad I feel. As corny as it sounds I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s gonna be okay. I really need that,so bad.
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Originally Posted by Iris1
Im sure it probably is. I cry all the time... crying now actually. Just wish I had someone to always be here for me and understood me. Because right now I feel like everyone that’s around me doesn’t understand how sad I feel. As corny as it sounds I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s gonna be okay. I really need that,so bad.
I have missed my boyfriend so much... and to know that he disrespected me that way yet again has me feeling like there’s something wrong with me to make him not even love me. Like that’s my mind set now. When I first heard he done that to me I could rationalize that he is just a really bad person. But today I feel like maybe I wasn’t good enough? That his son wasn’t good enough for him. It just hurts.
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Iris....it is understandable for you to want these things. They sound like normal human needs, to me. With the depression...it sounds like your self esteem is on the bottom of the barrel ….this is a part of the depression..or, depression certainly makes it sooo much worse.
You were realistic to think that your bf was not a good person for you. He couldn't/wouldn't give you what you need. But, that, in no way devalues ypu or his son. That is on him--not you!
Feeling guilty and inadequate and crying continuously are cardinal features of depression.
The things that you wish for...having someone stay with you and having someone who understands and gives you a hug are quite doable, if you contact the right people and let them know how you are feeling.....not the ones around you right now, or your family.
Most people won't understand, if they have not been in your shoes....
People who are specially trained and educated and in positions to help are the ones who will have great understanding....
You were realistic to think that your bf was not a good person for you. He couldn't/wouldn't give you what you need. But, that, in no way devalues ypu or his son. That is on him--not you!
Feeling guilty and inadequate and crying continuously are cardinal features of depression.
The things that you wish for...having someone stay with you and having someone who understands and gives you a hug are quite doable, if you contact the right people and let them know how you are feeling.....not the ones around you right now, or your family.
Most people won't understand, if they have not been in your shoes....
People who are specially trained and educated and in positions to help are the ones who will have great understanding....
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Iris,
I fully understand the way you're feeling just now about everything. Sometimes it seems that it's just too big a mountain to climb and you don't really even know where to start but you have to get help for yourself. It's horrible you're going through this with no support but please seek the help you're needing. I think we all feel kind of helpless as we can only talk to you through this.
I struggle with the same thoughts as you about not being good enough but really it's so not you - it's him. Please do not start thinking those thoughts.
Iris, I can't say this enough - for both your sake and baby's please reach out to the people who are able to help you.
I fully understand the way you're feeling just now about everything. Sometimes it seems that it's just too big a mountain to climb and you don't really even know where to start but you have to get help for yourself. It's horrible you're going through this with no support but please seek the help you're needing. I think we all feel kind of helpless as we can only talk to you through this.
I struggle with the same thoughts as you about not being good enough but really it's so not you - it's him. Please do not start thinking those thoughts.
Iris, I can't say this enough - for both your sake and baby's please reach out to the people who are able to help you.
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Originally Posted by Iris1
I have missed my boyfriend so much... and to know that he disrespected me that way yet again has me feeling like there’s something wrong with me to make him not even love me. Like that’s my mind set now. When I first heard he done that to me I could rationalize that he is just a really bad person. But today I feel like maybe I wasn’t good enough? That his son wasn’t good enough for him. It just hurts.
That's not the truth. You are quite good enough just as you are. The fact that an addict behaved in an appalling way, has absolutely nothing to do with you.
That's all on him. He behaved badly, not because of you or anyone else, he's an addict, he's obviously not thinking clearly in any way or he wouldn't be serving 5 years in jail. That doesn't mean there isn't hope for him, but his lifestyle before going to jail was less than stellar, as you know.
As for your depression. Are you reluctant to get treatment for that? There are a lot of medications now that can help pretty quickly and could alleviate a lot of your anxiety and depression.
What's holding you back? Depression and anxiety are common conditions, no one will think you are "crazy" if that is a concern in reaching out for medical help.
You have reached a point where you don't even want to look after your Son (no blame here by the way, I am not judging you) but if you won't get help for yourself, consider doing it for him. Helping yourself will help both of you.
You're a nice person Iris, you deserve happiness and contentment. Get help and see how much better your life can be without that hanging over your head.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Iris....it is understandable for you to want these things. They sound like normal human needs, to me. With the depression...it sounds like your self esteem is on the bottom of the barrel ….this is a part of the depression..or, depression certainly makes it sooo much worse.
You were realistic to think that your bf was not a good person for you. He couldn't/wouldn't give you what you need. But, that, in no way devalues ypu or his son. That is on him--not you!
Feeling guilty and inadequate and crying continuously are cardinal features of depression.
The things that you wish for...having someone stay with you and having someone who understands and gives you a hug are quite doable, if you contact the right people and let them know how you are feeling.....not the ones around you right now, or your family.
Most people won't understand, if they have not been in your shoes....
People who are specially trained and educated and in positions to help are the ones who will have great understanding....
You were realistic to think that your bf was not a good person for you. He couldn't/wouldn't give you what you need. But, that, in no way devalues ypu or his son. That is on him--not you!
Feeling guilty and inadequate and crying continuously are cardinal features of depression.
The things that you wish for...having someone stay with you and having someone who understands and gives you a hug are quite doable, if you contact the right people and let them know how you are feeling.....not the ones around you right now, or your family.
Most people won't understand, if they have not been in your shoes....
People who are specially trained and educated and in positions to help are the ones who will have great understanding....
I have an appointment to see the therapist again. So that’s a start I suppose. I’m very limited with transportation and a sitter,so I can’t get too crazy with plans. I did however get to take a shower and fix my hair,put on make up. Made me feel somewhat better. The fact is I’m not gonna be comfortable until I have someone here to help with the baby. So I don’t know. I’ve been trying to have a conversation with my
mother but she doesn’t like staying here,so it’s difficult. I don’t have anyone else. They were so mad at me for considering adoption while I was pregnant but seem to think I should be a functional mother now that he’s here. & I don’t regret him but I knew it would be tough for me when my boyfriend was a heroin addict who didn’t give a damn about me. So now I’m kind of stuck with the pressures of being a good mom and feeling guilty that I considered adoption. I want my son to be happy and I love him so mich,but sometimes I don’t feel capable of raising him. Not while I’m so unhappy. I’d love to change that and raise him but my anxiety is making it hard.
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Iris...getting an appointment with the therapist IS a start. And, even basic things like taking a shower and putting on makeup can be an accomplishment.
You seem to have little faith in the fact that others, outside of your family can help you.....you say "they, so I assume that it is more than just your mother.
I think that trailmix is trying to point out the obvious---that it is useless to ask people who can't/won't come and stay with you...but, there are others that the social workers CAN get do that.
The therapist can help get a social worker….so can your Gyn, or pediatrician's office. The are familiar with post-partum depression and know how to deal with it. The fact is..you need to tell them the same things that you have told us. Remember that list that I gave you, in another post...? Write that on a piece of paper, so that you can remember all the things to tell them.
If you tell them that you don't feel capable of raising the baby, right now....they will go into action.
The social worker has transportation passes that they can give out, for people that need transportation. There are people who will pick you up for your appointments, etc., with a pass.
I am going to ask you a question...you don't have to answer me...but, I want you to know that it is an option through the social workers....would you like the baby to be in Temporary foster care, for a while...while you get the necessary treatment, and feel better? Just tell your Gyn, or therapist, or a social worker that they find for you....and, that can be a workable option....They can , also, get parenting classes during that time....which will increase your confidence in caring for him, enormously....
There are options, for you....
There is relief from the depression/anxiety....with or without medication!
There are options to help you, Iris.....
You might as well quit asking your family...
That is like going to the hardware store to get a loaf of bred....you would be very disappointed....
By the way...how long is it until the therapist appointment?
You seem to have little faith in the fact that others, outside of your family can help you.....you say "they, so I assume that it is more than just your mother.
I think that trailmix is trying to point out the obvious---that it is useless to ask people who can't/won't come and stay with you...but, there are others that the social workers CAN get do that.
The therapist can help get a social worker….so can your Gyn, or pediatrician's office. The are familiar with post-partum depression and know how to deal with it. The fact is..you need to tell them the same things that you have told us. Remember that list that I gave you, in another post...? Write that on a piece of paper, so that you can remember all the things to tell them.
If you tell them that you don't feel capable of raising the baby, right now....they will go into action.
The social worker has transportation passes that they can give out, for people that need transportation. There are people who will pick you up for your appointments, etc., with a pass.
I am going to ask you a question...you don't have to answer me...but, I want you to know that it is an option through the social workers....would you like the baby to be in Temporary foster care, for a while...while you get the necessary treatment, and feel better? Just tell your Gyn, or therapist, or a social worker that they find for you....and, that can be a workable option....They can , also, get parenting classes during that time....which will increase your confidence in caring for him, enormously....
There are options, for you....
There is relief from the depression/anxiety....with or without medication!
There are options to help you, Iris.....
You might as well quit asking your family...
That is like going to the hardware store to get a loaf of bred....you would be very disappointed....
By the way...how long is it until the therapist appointment?
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Hey Iris, how is your day going? If your therapy appointment today?
just a bit lonely but I’m doing okay I suppose. My therapy appointment will be next week. Trying not to let my mind go to a negative place but it has been difficult. Feel like I make things worse than what they are. My son is healthy and growing great according to his pediatrician,so I don’t know why I’m so down on myself. Just something I have to work out with my therapist I guess. Thank you for asking about me.
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Iris....that is good news from the pediatrician, about the baby! I sure hope that you can open up to the therapist about your feelings....please don't hold back. think of her as a good friend in your corner....talk to her like you would a girlfriend...
You know, a lot of times, when new mothers feel this crappy with depression and anxiety, they say that they feel so guilty and ashamed that they are not brimming with happiness and joy....like they feel is expected of them...they tend to try to put on a "good face" to the outside world. That can make everything soo much harder, because that makes them feel so alone with their feelings....
I am glad if you can, at least, be open with us, here, on the forum, because there will be no judgment.....just the desire to help....
I think it is understandable for you to feel lonely...because I believe that you are grieving the way thing have gone with the relationship with the boyfriend. That was not what you ever expected to happen...especially after the pregnancy.....a hard thing to bear and accept, I know....
Now that the weekend is here...it might be nice to put your idea of attending the church across the street, into effect.....Just getting out of the house for a while can make a person feel a little better.....
You know, a lot of times, when new mothers feel this crappy with depression and anxiety, they say that they feel so guilty and ashamed that they are not brimming with happiness and joy....like they feel is expected of them...they tend to try to put on a "good face" to the outside world. That can make everything soo much harder, because that makes them feel so alone with their feelings....
I am glad if you can, at least, be open with us, here, on the forum, because there will be no judgment.....just the desire to help....
I think it is understandable for you to feel lonely...because I believe that you are grieving the way thing have gone with the relationship with the boyfriend. That was not what you ever expected to happen...especially after the pregnancy.....a hard thing to bear and accept, I know....
Now that the weekend is here...it might be nice to put your idea of attending the church across the street, into effect.....Just getting out of the house for a while can make a person feel a little better.....
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Oh you're welcome, we care about you!
So your son is healthy and thriving, that's a great thing and that's because of you, so maybe take a moment to let that sink in. You are pretty hard on yourself and this is something you can really be proud of. Don't think i'm being patronizing either. Again, despite what is portrayed on TV, being a first time Mother is a real challenge.
I remember with my child not getting any sleep lol - seriously, the child rarely slept at all. So my focus became him and me, keeping as rested as possible and fed. That's really the main deal there and you are obviously taking good care of him.
As for you, you will get help from your therapist next week and that will be a relief for you. In the meantime, as hard as it is, try to keep positive. You know that little guy is going to grow fast. Soon he won't be completely reliant on you. He will be able to entertain himself with toys and eat cheerios and he will amuse you by interacting with you. This happens fast, a few months from now.
In the meantime, if you need a break, that is something you can discuss with your therapist or a social worker or your doctor. You don't have to make any big decisions right now, just a discussion to see what your options are.
Do you feel trapped? You really aren't you know, you do have options, never forget that. As we mention, tons of people trained and happy to help you, take that help.
So your son is healthy and thriving, that's a great thing and that's because of you, so maybe take a moment to let that sink in. You are pretty hard on yourself and this is something you can really be proud of. Don't think i'm being patronizing either. Again, despite what is portrayed on TV, being a first time Mother is a real challenge.
I remember with my child not getting any sleep lol - seriously, the child rarely slept at all. So my focus became him and me, keeping as rested as possible and fed. That's really the main deal there and you are obviously taking good care of him.
As for you, you will get help from your therapist next week and that will be a relief for you. In the meantime, as hard as it is, try to keep positive. You know that little guy is going to grow fast. Soon he won't be completely reliant on you. He will be able to entertain himself with toys and eat cheerios and he will amuse you by interacting with you. This happens fast, a few months from now.
In the meantime, if you need a break, that is something you can discuss with your therapist or a social worker or your doctor. You don't have to make any big decisions right now, just a discussion to see what your options are.
Do you feel trapped? You really aren't you know, you do have options, never forget that. As we mention, tons of people trained and happy to help you, take that help.
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Hi iris,
As both Dandylion and Trailmix have said, that's great news that your babyis thriving, which as you know, is all down to you.
It's also true about how hard and challenging it can be being a first time mum. Finding it difficult is no reason to feel shame. Trailmix is right when she says the baby will grow quickly and begin doing little things himself and you can start interacting with him.
Great that you're seeing your therapist soon. I'm sure you'll begin to feel much better once that starts. Is Dandylion's suggestion of getting over to the church this weekend something you think you could get round to? I'm sure it would do you a power of good if you did manage to go.
You're doing well. Please keep us updated.
As both Dandylion and Trailmix have said, that's great news that your babyis thriving, which as you know, is all down to you.
It's also true about how hard and challenging it can be being a first time mum. Finding it difficult is no reason to feel shame. Trailmix is right when she says the baby will grow quickly and begin doing little things himself and you can start interacting with him.
Great that you're seeing your therapist soon. I'm sure you'll begin to feel much better once that starts. Is Dandylion's suggestion of getting over to the church this weekend something you think you could get round to? I'm sure it would do you a power of good if you did manage to go.
You're doing well. Please keep us updated.
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Happy St. Patrick's day Iris and son. Did you go over to the church today? If so, how did that go.
New week about to start and you have your therapy appointment which will be such a relief.
You mentioned before that your BF calls a couple of times a week but that you were thinking of breaking up with him? How are you dealing with that? I know breakups are very difficult, even if the relationship hasn't been the best. Always remember that things will get better, sometimes things seem so dark but one day you will look back and wonder why it seemed so dark (happens to all of us pretty much).
How are you coping today?
New week about to start and you have your therapy appointment which will be such a relief.
You mentioned before that your BF calls a couple of times a week but that you were thinking of breaking up with him? How are you dealing with that? I know breakups are very difficult, even if the relationship hasn't been the best. Always remember that things will get better, sometimes things seem so dark but one day you will look back and wonder why it seemed so dark (happens to all of us pretty much).
How are you coping today?
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Happy St. Patrick's day Iris and son. Did you go over to the church today? If so, how did that go.
New week about to start and you have your therapy appointment which will be such a relief.
You mentioned before that your BF calls a couple of times a week but that you were thinking of breaking up with him? How are you dealing with that? I know breakups are very difficult, even if the relationship hasn't been the best. Always remember that things will get better, sometimes things seem so dark but one day you will look back and wonder why it seemed so dark (happens to all of us pretty much).
How are you coping today?
New week about to start and you have your therapy appointment which will be such a relief.
You mentioned before that your BF calls a couple of times a week but that you were thinking of breaking up with him? How are you dealing with that? I know breakups are very difficult, even if the relationship hasn't been the best. Always remember that things will get better, sometimes things seem so dark but one day you will look back and wonder why it seemed so dark (happens to all of us pretty much).
How are you coping today?
Thanks for checking in on me guys. I didn’t go to church because I rarely get time to take a shower without being rushed. Im getting severely depressed... just feel like I’m trapped with this tiny human that totally relies on me and I can’t give him everything he needs. Just feel like I’m failing no matter how hard I try. People tell me he’s okay but I often worry about everything and if he’s hurting and when he cries and I can’t sleep good at night and I hate being alone with him. It’s just scary. I have honestl never been more miserable in my life than I am now. The last time I spoke with my son’s father I told him that he will probably never see me again,or his son. Sad because when he called all he wanted was for me to tell his mom something,which I said no to. Then he hung up. That was a week ago today,but he called again tonight and I couldn’t answer. It was a collect call from jail. Not that it matters much. What he done to me is pretty much unforgivable at this point. It upsets me on days like today where I feel really down about everything. I have been so mad and sad and just overwhelmed. I get so angry at him for doing me the way he did. Just leaving me alone to handle all of this by myself. And angry at my family for not understanding how depressed I am. Like would it matter if I went and just jumped into oncoming traffic,would they understand then when it’s too late. I’m not suicidal but sometimes I wonder. I get ignored by people when I tell them how sad I’ve become. It’s like they don’t give a damn or maybe they think I’ll be okay. I’m not okay... I’m very down. I’m alone tonight and it’s really bothering me. I have no one to talk to and no one that will come sit with me. I just don’t want to be alone... at all.
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Maybe they do care but they just don't understand. A lot of people, who have never been depressed or seen it up close, don't understand that depression isn't just feeling "sad". So they think oh - Iris is having a bad day and just think it's like when you are just in a funk for a day or two. They don't understand that it's all encompassing and it's not just being sad or feeling sorry for yourself.
About being alone, have you always felt this way or is it just since having the baby?
You also mention that you don't feel you are looking after him as well as you could, but everyone else seems to think you are doing well. What specifically do you think you are not doing well?
I know you have your therapy session coming up and I hope you go even if you haven't showered and have to take the baby with you, they will figure that out (someone to watch the baby or have him with you) when you get there.
You are stronger than you think. You didn't answer his call and you don't need to be doing favours for him either, so good for you on that.
About being alone, have you always felt this way or is it just since having the baby?
You also mention that you don't feel you are looking after him as well as you could, but everyone else seems to think you are doing well. What specifically do you think you are not doing well?
I know you have your therapy session coming up and I hope you go even if you haven't showered and have to take the baby with you, they will figure that out (someone to watch the baby or have him with you) when you get there.
You are stronger than you think. You didn't answer his call and you don't need to be doing favours for him either, so good for you on that.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Maybe they do care but they just don't understand. A lot of people, who have never been depressed or seen it up close, don't understand that depression isn't just feeling "sad". So they think oh - Iris is having a bad day and just think it's like when you are just in a funk for a day or two. They don't understand that it's all encompassing and it's not just being sad or feeling sorry for yourself.
About being alone, have you always felt this way or is it just since having the baby?
You also mention that you don't feel you are looking after him as well as you could, but everyone else seems to think you are doing well. What specifically do you think you are not doing well?
I know you have your therapy session coming up and I hope you go even if you haven't showered and have to take the baby with you, they will figure that out (someone to watch the baby or have him with you) when you get there.
You are stronger than you think. You didn't answer his call and you don't need to be doing favours for him either, so good for you on that.
About being alone, have you always felt this way or is it just since having the baby?
You also mention that you don't feel you are looking after him as well as you could, but everyone else seems to think you are doing well. What specifically do you think you are not doing well?
I know you have your therapy session coming up and I hope you go even if you haven't showered and have to take the baby with you, they will figure that out (someone to watch the baby or have him with you) when you get there.
You are stronger than you think. You didn't answer his call and you don't need to be doing favours for him either, so good for you on that.
I don’t know,feel like they just don’t care at this point. I could be wrong. I’ve been having issues since I gave birth to him. I mean I was already depressed and stressed, but after him I got really bad. Now I don’t even feel like myself and things have just spiraled down. It’s hard to explain how I feel but I can say I feel really trapped and overwhelmed. Something about being stuck makes me wanna panic. I’ve felt myself getting close to a panic attack a lot lately. It’s just too much for me. Before my son’s father got sentenced to 5 years,I felt like I was more in control of my situation but for some reason when I got that news it hit me that I would for sure be alone. I knew he was crap and he wouldn’t be of any help to me but I don’t know. Again,hard to explain. It’s like the finality of it. Like he wouldn’t ever be back. I have had to shut out the wishful thinking of him changing a lot lately... it’s like I was addicted to fixing him. But what he done to me I can’t forgive him for. I just have to stop myself and try moving forward. It’s hard. All of this is hard. It all hit me like a ton of bricks to the face and I mean when I say that I’m not sure what’s gonna happen,and that freaks me out. Things I know for sure is that I cannot live alone now. I can’t parent on my own without help. Right now that stresses me out beyond anything else. I seriously think of walking off and leaving. Just waiting until someone watches him and then slip out and disappear. I know it sounds bad but I’m just being honest. I don’t feel like I qualify for the job of parenting. I don’t even know why I feel like he’s not okay. I just always feel like he’s gonna die. I don’t know. Irrational fears... i don’t know. Just overwhelmed and I cry every single day. Just can’t take much more. I really cannot.
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Iris....I get it, how down that you feel. I have seen other mothers who have felt just this way....in fact, about 10 to 15 per cent of mothers have been through this....It is a real thing, and professional people, as well as those of us who have been through it, do understand that....In fact, Marie Osmond (of Donnie and Marie Osmond...you can google them) has been very open, and talks about how it was when it happened to her...and it wasn't even her first baby! She talks about how important it is to ask your doctors for help.
It is understandable that you would feel like this...after all, you are going through grief about the disappointment in his father....and the adjustments of being a new mother, all at the same time...this makes it doubly bad...and it it a process that just has to be worked through...and, you will! It is just that you will need to realize and accept the fact that you will have realize and accept the fact that you will have to ask the right people for help, and then take each day at a time...considering getting through each day, as a victory, and, one day closer to healing....
You will have to sign permission, and, you can get your therapist to talk to your family, and explain post partum depression, to them. In fact, she might have a family meeting with them, and you, to discuss what it is all about, and what you need. You could talk to her and request this....
It may be that all of your help will not come from the people that you want (your mother/family)….it will probably need to come from others....there are people called "mother's helpers" who come and help you during the day....and, there are people who are called "baby nurses" who will spend the night to watch over the baby, and let you get sleep, etc. ***They are almost never actual nurses..but women who are very experienced with babies and new mothers. If these things are ordered by a doctor, they can be paid for by insurances....Also, these people are often available through volunteer organizations, that social workers and medical people know about....they do it for personal satisfaction of helping other people.
There is, also, the possibility that your and your son can live, for a while, at a special shelter....given that you suffered extreme emotional abuse from your the father of your child....(that would qualify you)….I had a girlfriend who went to such a place...(she didn't have a kid, though)...and it was a great, really nice place, with private room and lots of nice people who helped her, in all kinds of ways...it got her back on her feet with lots of services....
lol....I imagine that you h ate for me to say all of these things, because you want you family to be the source of all of the help..... But, I am writing it, anyway...because the reality is that there is help for you....if you will ask the right people for it...and, let them know everything that is going on with you....
You don't have to suffer, alone, with this, without help....
I am going to ask you a question which I hope that you will answer...do you have any faith that your therapist will help you? Or, do you have any faith that your Gyn doctor or pediatrician will help you?
I agree with trailmix that you don't need to be bothered by his father, right now. You need all of your mental energy for yourself...he will be out of action for a long time, so you can put than "on the shelf" for the immediate future....
I hope that you will think about all of this....and, it is true that some days are worse than other, as you go through this...always know that you can feel better on any given day....
It is understandable that you would feel like this...after all, you are going through grief about the disappointment in his father....and the adjustments of being a new mother, all at the same time...this makes it doubly bad...and it it a process that just has to be worked through...and, you will! It is just that you will need to realize and accept the fact that you will have realize and accept the fact that you will have to ask the right people for help, and then take each day at a time...considering getting through each day, as a victory, and, one day closer to healing....
You will have to sign permission, and, you can get your therapist to talk to your family, and explain post partum depression, to them. In fact, she might have a family meeting with them, and you, to discuss what it is all about, and what you need. You could talk to her and request this....
It may be that all of your help will not come from the people that you want (your mother/family)….it will probably need to come from others....there are people called "mother's helpers" who come and help you during the day....and, there are people who are called "baby nurses" who will spend the night to watch over the baby, and let you get sleep, etc. ***They are almost never actual nurses..but women who are very experienced with babies and new mothers. If these things are ordered by a doctor, they can be paid for by insurances....Also, these people are often available through volunteer organizations, that social workers and medical people know about....they do it for personal satisfaction of helping other people.
There is, also, the possibility that your and your son can live, for a while, at a special shelter....given that you suffered extreme emotional abuse from your the father of your child....(that would qualify you)….I had a girlfriend who went to such a place...(she didn't have a kid, though)...and it was a great, really nice place, with private room and lots of nice people who helped her, in all kinds of ways...it got her back on her feet with lots of services....
lol....I imagine that you h ate for me to say all of these things, because you want you family to be the source of all of the help..... But, I am writing it, anyway...because the reality is that there is help for you....if you will ask the right people for it...and, let them know everything that is going on with you....
You don't have to suffer, alone, with this, without help....
I am going to ask you a question which I hope that you will answer...do you have any faith that your therapist will help you? Or, do you have any faith that your Gyn doctor or pediatrician will help you?
I agree with trailmix that you don't need to be bothered by his father, right now. You need all of your mental energy for yourself...he will be out of action for a long time, so you can put than "on the shelf" for the immediate future....
I hope that you will think about all of this....and, it is true that some days are worse than other, as you go through this...always know that you can feel better on any given day....
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