OpheliaKatz

I thought this might help people:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...he-gaslighters

It's about gaslighting.

thequest

The splitting and buttering people up is some of the more prominent criteria I see here. The alcoholic is actively seeking allies with family and friends avoiding others like the plague. They also kiss butt for favors. They are blatant.

Hechosedrugs

I cannot believe the things I let my ex convince me of. I would literally watch him do crazy things every day, like spackle walls that he insisted had "imperfections", even though they were perfectly fine (only to leave them in that state- puttied, not textured and painted over- oh my goodness, our house looked so ridiculous)- I even caught him flirting with underraged girls on line- but EVERYTHING had an explanation, and he always caused me to doubt myself. How dare I insinuate that he is doing these things he is so clearly doing? What kind of person am I, anyway? And then he'd tell his mother, and she'd get in on the shaming. "How dare you say these things about my son? You're lucky he hasn't left you after all these horrible accusations."

I can't tell you how good it feels to finally be able to trust myself again. I really let him convince me I was crazy for seeing what was in front of my very eyes.

Anaya

Thanks for sharing your positive news and hoping you will continue to be safe and sound.


I've established boundaries and have limited contact (with the psychological abuser); however, unfortunately, I cannot go "no contact" at this point with the "gaslighter."

OpheliaKatz

Can you use the gray rock method? That means communicate in limited ways with them?

https://kimsaeed.com/2015/11/25/the-...y-rock-method/

Anaya

Yes, I'd become aware of the method and, so, the article - link you shared - provided additional information and was a very helpful read.

Thankfully, the author was very specific and clear about attempting to use the method, the "dos and don'ts," and that is a plus.

Thanks, again.

Anaya

Good for you.


I feel better as well, knowing I'm keeping the person in my life, who gaslights and tries to control, at arms length.

I also feel safer when I am not around the gaslighter.

I want to make the best of the rest of my life and letting another person continue to bully and control is not an item on my bucket list.

Ann

I am glad you started this thread, Ophelia, it is helpful to all of us, new and old to remember how gas lighting works.

I am not sure why, but I had not heard of the Gray Rock Method but found that article very interesting and thought how helpful this method would be for those who had children or ties that meant they could not go no contact completely.

When my son's addiction and my codependency lived in the same house and the toxicity was killing both of us, I needed to read things just like this to help me get my side of things back in place.

Anaya

I understand that.

I am realizing I am better off as I am choosing to listen and learn, choosing to reach out and accept support instead of isolating and staying at a standstill.

OpheliaKatz

I think a lot of people have trouble with detachment, reaching out for and accepting support, or even going "no contact" because the gaslighting they experience means they don't trust themselves anymore. Being manipulated makes you question yourself... the gaslighter manipulates your insecurities too. So part of recovery is re-learning to identify your instincts and trusting them.

Anaya

Thank you for pointing that out, for that nugget of wisdom.


Thank you for starting this thread. The effects of "gaslighting" can be very serious, can be detrimental to the target of the perpetrator. At the very least, a person who is on the receiving end will need to find coping strategies if continuing to be in contact with the "gaslighter;" even better - that is, if possible - is to find a way to go no contact.