Relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 69
Relapse
Has any heard of IOP suggesting that addict go back to inpatient rehab.
Adult child is meth addict and continues to relapse.
She goes to IOP, I wish someone would suggest she return to in patient rehab. Not that she would go but I get tired being the bad guy or "realist ."
Adult child is meth addict and continues to relapse.
She goes to IOP, I wish someone would suggest she return to in patient rehab. Not that she would go but I get tired being the bad guy or "realist ."
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Walkedon, if you're tired of being the realist you can give up the role any time you like. I know you're trying to guide your AD to the right treatment option, but she'll ignore you, and anyone else until her present life becomes unbearable and she really wants to get better. Until then you're wasting your breath.
I guess you could stop helping her in any way, so she gets to that point faster, but you may be doing that already.
Are you attending Nar-anon, or some other group or counsellor for support? You need it as much as her.
I guess you could stop helping her in any way, so she gets to that point faster, but you may be doing that already.
Are you attending Nar-anon, or some other group or counsellor for support? You need it as much as her.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
I would be surprised if no one in her IOP group questioned whether IOP alone was sufficient for her given that she has relapsed multiple times. In any event, addiction thrives on delusion (a false belief maintained despite ample evidence that it is false)... and delusion by definition is self-inflicted. She may be avoiding inpatient treatment for any number of reasons, but until she is willing to go to any length to get and stay sober she probably will not succeed in doing so.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I know your pain and keep you both in my prayers.
Recovery is as good as the effort put into it, until she is willing to do whatever needs to be done to get and stay clean, she will fail at sobriety no matter what methods she chooses.
My son went through at least 10 rehabs, each of them good programs. His willingness was not sufficient to grab on for dear life and do what needed to be done to maintain his sobriety.
I truly hope your story turns out better than mine. There is ALWAYS hope, and as long as I draw a breath, I shall continue to hope for my son. And pray.
Hugs
Recovery is as good as the effort put into it, until she is willing to do whatever needs to be done to get and stay clean, she will fail at sobriety no matter what methods she chooses.
My son went through at least 10 rehabs, each of them good programs. His willingness was not sufficient to grab on for dear life and do what needed to be done to maintain his sobriety.
I truly hope your story turns out better than mine. There is ALWAYS hope, and as long as I draw a breath, I shall continue to hope for my son. And pray.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Walkedon
I think there might be some kind of pattern that happens when any of us discovers a loved one has an addiction, mental illness or both (or maybe any life threatening condition for that matter).
In the beginning we want that one, final "cure" so we can return to life before the problem. Some people experience this, but it is the minority of cases.
There are some of us that go through multiple relapse situations, hoping each is the last. For me, each relapse brought it's own roller coaster - Shock, anger, resignation, hope, the whole grief cycle plus some...
And then somewhere along the way, if we are lucky, something begins to shift. We start to realize how helpless we are, how so much of what we have done to fix the situation has been a waste at best, and enabling at worst.
I'm not there yet myself, but I am hoping to get to a place that is described in the poem "letting go takes love". Where I can love my addict, let go when she is using (releasing her in love to my Higher Power), have a relationship when she's sober and let her work out the details of her adult life (like everyone has to) - all this while guarding my heart and my life so I don't lose my purpose and the meaning of MY life in the process of my addict's drama.
Somehow I think my addict is a teacher for me - about how to love. How to "be there" without robbing her of her experience - which is essential for her to find out who she is and what she wants to do about it. Of course, this is much easier when an addict is recovering and so very hard when they are resisting it.
Prayers that you are sustained on your journey. There is necessary suffering in working out how to live in the face of addiction (for the addict and the co dependent), and maybe we can also not make the suffering worse for ourselves that it must be.
I think others in this post have said what we all know - unless the addict is desperate for recovery, they often do the bare minimum to keep their support system going and the addiction available to them. It's what makes us codependents crazy - the "almost" in recovery or the maybe in recovery and never the sure sense that they are committed, dedicated, active in their recovery because it is important to them.
Prayers you find peace as you work through this hard time.
I think there might be some kind of pattern that happens when any of us discovers a loved one has an addiction, mental illness or both (or maybe any life threatening condition for that matter).
In the beginning we want that one, final "cure" so we can return to life before the problem. Some people experience this, but it is the minority of cases.
There are some of us that go through multiple relapse situations, hoping each is the last. For me, each relapse brought it's own roller coaster - Shock, anger, resignation, hope, the whole grief cycle plus some...
And then somewhere along the way, if we are lucky, something begins to shift. We start to realize how helpless we are, how so much of what we have done to fix the situation has been a waste at best, and enabling at worst.
I'm not there yet myself, but I am hoping to get to a place that is described in the poem "letting go takes love". Where I can love my addict, let go when she is using (releasing her in love to my Higher Power), have a relationship when she's sober and let her work out the details of her adult life (like everyone has to) - all this while guarding my heart and my life so I don't lose my purpose and the meaning of MY life in the process of my addict's drama.
Somehow I think my addict is a teacher for me - about how to love. How to "be there" without robbing her of her experience - which is essential for her to find out who she is and what she wants to do about it. Of course, this is much easier when an addict is recovering and so very hard when they are resisting it.
Prayers that you are sustained on your journey. There is necessary suffering in working out how to live in the face of addiction (for the addict and the co dependent), and maybe we can also not make the suffering worse for ourselves that it must be.
I think others in this post have said what we all know - unless the addict is desperate for recovery, they often do the bare minimum to keep their support system going and the addiction available to them. It's what makes us codependents crazy - the "almost" in recovery or the maybe in recovery and never the sure sense that they are committed, dedicated, active in their recovery because it is important to them.
Prayers you find peace as you work through this hard time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 178
Originally Posted by Troubledone 
Walkedon
And then somewhere along the way, if we are lucky, something begins to shift. We start to realize how helpless we are, how so much of what we have done to fix the situation has been a waste at best, and enabling at worst.
And then somewhere along the way, if we are lucky, something begins to shift. We start to realize how helpless we are, how so much of what we have done to fix the situation has been a waste at best, and enabling at worst.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 20
"And then somewhere along the way, if we are lucky, something begins to shift. We start to realize how helpless we are, how so much of what we have done to fix the situation has been a waste at best, and enabling at worst."
I'm finally at this point today with my addict son!!! Took me eight years but finally had enough. He got money from me at my Dad's wake on Sat night for food and gas to come back to the funeral on Sunday. Then didn't come.
Been MIA since. I'm DONE!!!!
I'm finally at this point today with my addict son!!! Took me eight years but finally had enough. He got money from me at my Dad's wake on Sat night for food and gas to come back to the funeral on Sunday. Then didn't come.
Been MIA since. I'm DONE!!!!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by SadDad57
I'm finally at this point today with my addict son!!! Took me eight years but finally had enough. He got money from me at my Dad's wake on Sat night for food and gas to come back to the funeral on Sunday. Then didn't come.
Been MIA since. I'm DONE!!!!
Been MIA since. I'm DONE!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
SadDad, I really cannot imagine the hurt this has caused you. I am so sorry for your loss and that this happened.
Originally Posted by SadDad57
"And then somewhere along the way, if we are lucky, something begins to shift. We start to realize how helpless we are, how so much of what we have done to fix the situation has been a waste at best, and enabling at worst."
I'm finally at this point today with my addict son!!! Took me eight years but finally had enough. He got money from me at my Dad's wake on Sat night for food and gas to come back to the funeral on Sunday. Then didn't come.
Been MIA since. I'm DONE!!!!
I'm finally at this point today with my addict son!!! Took me eight years but finally had enough. He got money from me at my Dad's wake on Sat night for food and gas to come back to the funeral on Sunday. Then didn't come.
Been MIA since. I'm DONE!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
SadDad
I feel your pain. After 15 years with my addict, I no longer count on anything.
Whether its her telling me when I'll see her, or details of some event, or her plans - I know it's all "up for grabs" - so I try not to have expectations (hard to do), so that no matter what happens, my life can go on.
If things work out well for her, I am happy. If they don't work out and my addict has painful consequences, I try to accept my helplessness and go on.
Sadly, they always know when to move in (when we are vulnerable ourselves), but we all do learn. especially the letting go part.
Peace,
I feel your pain. After 15 years with my addict, I no longer count on anything.
Whether its her telling me when I'll see her, or details of some event, or her plans - I know it's all "up for grabs" - so I try not to have expectations (hard to do), so that no matter what happens, my life can go on.
If things work out well for her, I am happy. If they don't work out and my addict has painful consequences, I try to accept my helplessness and go on.
Sadly, they always know when to move in (when we are vulnerable ourselves), but we all do learn. especially the letting go part.
Peace,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 69
SadDad, I'm sorry your son did that to you. I don't know why I'm surprised by the addicts actions. That is the moment they get the most from us.
I am feeling pretty good about my daughter today. Which is funny ,she just used last week. I think I over react to everything. If she's sober she's on her way to recovery .If she uses, I assume everything is going to hell in a hand basket.
I continue to try encourage her recovery. I am working very hard on just watching ,not jumping in to save her. But ugh she makes some dumb choices
I am feeling pretty good about my daughter today. Which is funny ,she just used last week. I think I over react to everything. If she's sober she's on her way to recovery .If she uses, I assume everything is going to hell in a hand basket.
I continue to try encourage her recovery. I am working very hard on just watching ,not jumping in to save her. But ugh she makes some dumb choices
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