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Been really struggling lately,advice?

Old 01-18-2019, 01:38 PM
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Been really struggling lately,advice?

Some of you are already familiar with my story around here... kinda feel like a broken record at this point,but Iíve been under extreme stress the past week and I need someone to talk to. I canít private message people on here because it says that I donít have enough posts. My boyfriend is a heroin addict long story short. Heís very careless and makes horrible choices,obviously. Anyway,a week ago he was going to rehab to try and avoid jail. Somehow he thought If he entered rehab it would look better on him and the court would take it easy on him. He had a warrant for his arrest. He stayed a day before calling a family member to tell me he would be at my house later that night. His family member said he was hesitant about it which sounds to me like he decided to stay. Because he was afraid of going to jail if he came to my house. I havenít heard from him since so I can only assume he stayed. He hasnít called his mom. He hasnít called me or anyone else. Iím extremely worried and itís gotten to the point where Iím almost having panic attacks afraid that heís dead.


I know that I need to distance myself from him and heís toxic,all that but I donít like not knowing where heís at. Iíve been crying today and just so upset. I need advice on what to do. He has a past of disappearing and not calling me. But this time I really worry something has happened. Rehab wonít tell me anything due to hippa so I have no idea. Iím sorry I just have no one to talk to and this is the only place who can understand what Iím going through.

I will probably break up with him for good after this because I canít deal with this. Iím pregnant and Iím under so much stress i know it canít be good for the baby. Please give me some advice. I am so sick with worry. As angry as I am I donít want him to die. Heís in a city where he knows nobody and he has no ID or anything.
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Ann (01-20-2019)
Old 01-18-2019, 01:43 PM
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Rehab often recommends (or insists) that the residents focus entirely on their own recovery and that often means no communication with family, especially if such communication leaves them upset.

The whole idea is for them to detox, get counseling, and learn to live clean.

That said, I don't know how he is or isn't.

Take care of yourself and your baby, dear, you both matter more than all this worry and fret.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
Rehab often recommends (or insists) that the residents focus entirely on their own recovery and that often means no communication with family, especially if such communication leaves them upset.

The whole idea is for them to detox, get counseling, and learn to live clean.

That said, I don't know how he is or isn't.

Take care of yourself and your baby, dear, you both matter more than all this worry and fret.
I figure he is just at rehab and not getting to call anyone. I am just so worried I canít focus on anything else.
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:12 PM
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that worry does nothing good for you.........or him. even if you knew where he was at any given moment, he's not likely to stay in that place with his feet cemented to the floor.

he's an addict. they are not dependable, responsible, or reliable.
he's going to do what he is going to do.

how about you bring your focus back to the baby now?
how are the preparations going?
do you have a room/nursery set up?
is it decorated?
have you been to all your ob/gyn appointments?
if you work, do you have a plan for how long you are out on maternity leave?
if you do not work, have you thought about childcare etc if you do decide to get a job? do you have a car?
car seat?
diapers?
onesies?
blankies?
crib bedding?
do you plan to breastfeed or use a bottle?
have you thought of names?
are you taking prenatal vitamins?
eating well?
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
that worry does nothing good for you.........or him. even if you knew where he was at any given moment, he's not likely to stay in that place with his feet cemented to the floor.

he's an addict. they are not dependable, responsible, or reliable.
he's going to do what he is going to do.

how about you bring your focus back to the baby now?
how are the preparations going?
do you have a room/nursery set up?
is it decorated?
have you been to all your ob/gyn appointments?
if you work, do you have a plan for how long you are out on maternity leave?
if you do not work, have you thought about childcare etc if you do decide to get a job? do you have a car?
car seat?
diapers?
onesies?
blankies?
crib bedding?
do you plan to breastfeed or use a bottle?
have you thought of names?
are you taking prenatal vitamins?
eating well?
I know I am just so upset today. I have no one to talk to and itís really bothering me much worse today than any other day. I donít know how to stop worrying I keep waiting on a call from him. He usually calls me by now and I havenít heard anything from him. Itís just so hard to be happy when I am always worrying about him. Its been such a bad day you just have no idea. I have been trying to get ready for the baby but all excitement is gone right now.,I canít shake the sadness I feel.
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Old 01-19-2019, 08:46 PM
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No use worrying really, he is just doing what addicts do. If something terrible had happened to him his family know how to contact you, so rest assured he is out there doing what addicts do.

I think focusing on the things Anvil mentioned would be great. In order to move yourself out of this you need to take action, not just know what you should be doing, actually doing it - small steps. For instance have you attended all your appts? If not, call and make one now.

Do you have any baby wear ready? If not how about calling a family member and discussing what you will need. If money is an issue perhaps a visit to a thrift store?

Just do 1 thing, you will be surprised how focusing back on the baby will lift your spirits, even just a little bit. Just keep doing the next right thing and you will give you a better outlook.
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Old 01-20-2019, 04:50 AM
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Iris, you're suffering from acute anxiety. No matter how much we tell you the addict will look after himself, you can't rationalise that.
I really think you should see a professional, starting with your doctor. The fact that you're pregnant complicates things, and if you're going to get through this you'll need expert help.
I've asked before what pre-natal care you're getting and you haven't replied, but assuming you're being looked after by a medical professional, perhaps that's the first place to start.
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