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Iris1 01-18-2019 01:38 PM

Been really struggling lately,advice?
 
Some of you are already familiar with my story around here... kinda feel like a broken record at this point,but I’ve been under extreme stress the past week and I need someone to talk to. I can’t private message people on here because it says that I don’t have enough posts. My boyfriend is a heroin addict long story short. He’s very careless and makes horrible choices,obviously. Anyway,a week ago he was going to rehab to try and avoid jail. Somehow he thought If he entered rehab it would look better on him and the court would take it easy on him. He had a warrant for his arrest. He stayed a day before calling a family member to tell me he would be at my house later that night. His family member said he was hesitant about it which sounds to me like he decided to stay. Because he was afraid of going to jail if he came to my house. I haven’t heard from him since so I can only assume he stayed. He hasn’t called his mom. He hasn’t called me or anyone else. I’m extremely worried and it’s gotten to the point where I’m almost having panic attacks afraid that he’s dead.


I know that I need to distance myself from him and he’s toxic,all that but I don’t like not knowing where he’s at. I’ve been crying today and just so upset. I need advice on what to do. He has a past of disappearing and not calling me. But this time I really worry something has happened. Rehab won’t tell me anything due to hippa so I have no idea. I’m sorry I just have no one to talk to and this is the only place who can understand what I’m going through.

I will probably break up with him for good after this because I can’t deal with this. I’m pregnant and I’m under so much stress i know it can’t be good for the baby. Please give me some advice. I am so sick with worry. As angry as I am I don’t want him to die. He’s in a city where he knows nobody and he has no ID or anything.

Ann 01-18-2019 01:43 PM

Rehab often recommends (or insists) that the residents focus entirely on their own recovery and that often means no communication with family, especially if such communication leaves them upset.

The whole idea is for them to detox, get counseling, and learn to live clean.

That said, I don't know how he is or isn't.

Take care of yourself and your baby, dear, you both matter more than all this worry and fret.

Iris1 01-18-2019 01:53 PM


Originally Posted by Ann (Post 7102622)
Rehab often recommends (or insists) that the residents focus entirely on their own recovery and that often means no communication with family, especially if such communication leaves them upset.

The whole idea is for them to detox, get counseling, and learn to live clean.

That said, I don't know how he is or isn't.

Take care of yourself and your baby, dear, you both matter more than all this worry and fret.

I figure he is just at rehab and not getting to call anyone. I am just so worried I can’t focus on anything else. :(

AnvilheadII 01-18-2019 02:12 PM

that worry does nothing good for you.........or him. even if you knew where he was at any given moment, he's not likely to stay in that place with his feet cemented to the floor.

he's an addict. they are not dependable, responsible, or reliable.
he's going to do what he is going to do.

how about you bring your focus back to the baby now?
how are the preparations going?
do you have a room/nursery set up?
is it decorated?
have you been to all your ob/gyn appointments?
if you work, do you have a plan for how long you are out on maternity leave?
if you do not work, have you thought about childcare etc if you do decide to get a job? do you have a car?
car seat?
diapers?
onesies?
blankies?
crib bedding?
do you plan to breastfeed or use a bottle?
have you thought of names?
are you taking prenatal vitamins?
eating well?

Iris1 01-18-2019 02:28 PM


Originally Posted by AnvilheadII (Post 7102636)
that worry does nothing good for you.........or him. even if you knew where he was at any given moment, he's not likely to stay in that place with his feet cemented to the floor.

he's an addict. they are not dependable, responsible, or reliable.
he's going to do what he is going to do.

how about you bring your focus back to the baby now?
how are the preparations going?
do you have a room/nursery set up?
is it decorated?
have you been to all your ob/gyn appointments?
if you work, do you have a plan for how long you are out on maternity leave?
if you do not work, have you thought about childcare etc if you do decide to get a job? do you have a car?
car seat?
diapers?
onesies?
blankies?
crib bedding?
do you plan to breastfeed or use a bottle?
have you thought of names?
are you taking prenatal vitamins?
eating well?

I know I am just so upset today. I have no one to talk to and it’s really bothering me much worse today than any other day. I don’t know how to stop worrying I keep waiting on a call from him. He usually calls me by now and I haven’t heard anything from him. It’s just so hard to be happy when I am always worrying about him. Its been such a bad day you just have no idea. I have been trying to get ready for the baby but all excitement is gone right now.,I can’t shake the sadness I feel.

trailmix 01-19-2019 08:46 PM

No use worrying really, he is just doing what addicts do. If something terrible had happened to him his family know how to contact you, so rest assured he is out there doing what addicts do.

I think focusing on the things Anvil mentioned would be great. In order to move yourself out of this you need to take action, not just know what you should be doing, actually doing it - small steps. For instance have you attended all your appts? If not, call and make one now.

Do you have any baby wear ready? If not how about calling a family member and discussing what you will need. If money is an issue perhaps a visit to a thrift store?

Just do 1 thing, you will be surprised how focusing back on the baby will lift your spirits, even just a little bit. Just keep doing the next right thing and you will give you a better outlook.

FeelingGreat 01-20-2019 04:50 AM

Iris, you're suffering from acute anxiety. No matter how much we tell you the addict will look after himself, you can't rationalise that.
I really think you should see a professional, starting with your doctor. The fact that you're pregnant complicates things, and if you're going to get through this you'll need expert help.
I've asked before what pre-natal care you're getting and you haven't replied, but assuming you're being looked after by a medical professional, perhaps that's the first place to start.


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