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Call from Jail

Old 01-16-2019, 08:53 AM
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Call from Jail

I haven't posted here much but read others posts almost everyday. Got a call this morning from jail from my 27yr old heroin addict son. Picked up on 2 paraphernalia possession charges.
He still has an attitude. "Apparently it's illegal to have needles without a diabetic prescription". Yes I said and we all know that.
He said his bond is $100 with court tomorrow. I made no offers to get involved. I just said well we know this is the next natural progression of your choices.
He hacked my debit card and cleaned my checking out in Dec. I got overdraft notices for Xmas. I chose not to prosecute after talking to an attorney.
He put himself in jail anyway but at least I didn't do it even though I know I should have.
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:19 PM
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It's good for him and especially good for you that you stood your ground and did not cave into posting the bail. I know it's hard but you made a good decision.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:05 PM
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He has called twice begging me to bond him out. He says I'm the only one who will take his calls.
I told him I was sorry but we've know for years this was coming and I've always told him when it did come it would be his problem.
Sure hurts but I don't feel getting him out will help him.
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:16 PM
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You are right...getting him out would be about the worst thing you could do. I know this is hard, especially when it is your child, but he is right where he needs to be. (((HUGS)))
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Old 01-16-2019, 01:29 PM
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You have done all the right things, Dad.

The one and only time I bailed my son out, he had cried on the phone, sobbing that he would do anything we wanted, go to meetings, go to rehab, stay under "house arrest" by us...anything, if we would just bail him out. It broke my heart and I did it.

I picked him up and we were not even home yet when he jumped out of the car at a stop sign and took off to use once more.

"We" are never the answer. Jail can be the best thing that ever happened to them if they can take the lesson and learn from it.

Bailing them out robs them of the lesson and shows them that once again, they can count on us to enable and cushion their fall.

You will be fine. He will be fine or not, but however this unfolds he is better off taking the lesson. God's got him covered.

Hugs from a mama whose been there.
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:04 PM
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Hugs from another mom who has been there. Funny thing is, after the detox, I actually like my son the most when he is in jail. He is funny and reading a lot so we have real conversations. I've bailed him out also. It was a mistake. Now if he is arrested he stays. Good luck and you are not alone!
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Old 01-17-2019, 06:56 AM
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He was released this morning at 1am after a 24 hour hold. He called me and asked for $6 to get a LYFT ride home. Girlfriend has been MIA to his calls.
I gave him $25 and told him to get some food. He is to be back in court this morning. He told me last night that he has to change, that life is not for him.
I pray he means it. Thanks for the support here!!!!
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Old 01-17-2019, 08:13 AM
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My son was a heroin addict, living on the street after we kicked him out of the house. Sometimes he parked his car in front of our house. He would pass out in his car and we would never know if he overdosed or not. It was devastating.

In the 2019 movie, “Beautiful Boy,” the father asks his son, "Why do you do all these drugs?" The son answers, “I don’t know why, when I tried it I felt better than I ever have, so I just kept doing it.” The takeaway here is understanding, “Why,” we need to feel better, the specific circumstances that makes us feel bad and, "How," to manage our feelings and thinking in a direct healthy manner.

The best you can do is love him without enabling him.

Today my son is seven years sober. He changed when his values trumped his addiction. A loving family is valuable.
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Old 01-17-2019, 08:14 AM
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Thatís about all we can ever do is pray that they mean what they say in regards to making some positive changes in their lives.

Hang in there SadDad57, we know itís not easy.
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Old 01-17-2019, 11:49 AM
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Hang in there Sad Dad. You are correct in letting the 27 year old have accountability for the choices he makes. My son had himself in jail time over time for these types of things and I would never think to bail him out. He made his choices. he is now sober for 20 months. All in their time, not ours.
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Old 01-17-2019, 02:00 PM
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Sad Dad...are the calls costing you? I wouldn't take them if they are. Being in a situation where he has to make pay calls is one of HIS consequences, not yours.

I recall times when my daughter was in jail. I relax for a while knowing she's alive and safe. Being released from jail means more of the same.

I recall someone saying "don't cut yourself on the broken pieces of their lives." I thought that's good advice.
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Old 01-18-2019, 03:52 AM
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We walk with you and understand, Sad Dad. Praying your son will choose recovery.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:42 PM
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Dear sad dad. Been there done that ,have the t shirt. I under stand not pressing charges when your son took your money. I have been robbed my addict, stolen checks,credit cards. Pressing charges wont do anything.They just get fines and probabtion. The same with drug paraphernalia. My kid has been on probabtion 3 years,actively using the whole time. The only thing that got her in to treatment was me stopping every type pf support. Which is hard,practically impossible. She was clean for 6 months,but I see it slipping away. Try to stay strong.If he wants to change,tell him you will drive him to rehab,but no money for food or a trop to his girlfriend.
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Old 01-18-2019, 06:26 PM
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((hugs)) to you. Be strong. I didn't bail mine out either. He spent 60 days in county and came home a week before Christmas 2017. It changed him - he never wants to go back. I hope it will have the same effect on your son.

(I responded before I read your update post.)
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Old 01-18-2019, 06:47 PM
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You did the right thing. He is an adult, he got himself in there, he can get himself out. Stay strong.
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Old 01-21-2019, 06:59 AM
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Big hugs!
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