Jasmine1234

so where to begin, my partner has a meth addiction. When we first got together almost 3 years ago I didn't know this. He then went to jail unexpectly and I decided to stick by him, 4 months on when he was released everything seemed fine then one day he went out and didn't come home. He had made a bunch of excuses that he was stressed etc. this ended up reoccurring and turned into a visious cycle. From minutes, to hours to days and weeks. He would leave me for days on end missing in action with no contact no nothing, lost heaps of weight, would ignore me, become distant. I then found out I was pregnant, the whole pregnancy I went through the same cycle. It was heartbreaking, 26 weeks pregnant he went to rehab.. his been out for almost 3 months and my baby is 8 weeks old. Unfortunately he relapsed a month after being out, 4 days before my baby come along. I'm devastated and heartbroken. He stays around for a week then is gone for a few days again. I just have no where to turn, no family or friends and my life has been so focused on him. He will leave, then message after a few days asking to come home. It's gotten to the point he doesn't deny his use anymore but he also doesn't talk about it. I'll have my day and his just a blank page. He can go days not asking about his baby or me. I just guess i expected relapse, I just really thought the cycle was over finally. Seeing him healthy and loving back to this. I'm devastated and just don't know where to go from here. He knows how I feel I guess I just haven't stuck with my boundaries. I need to do what's best for me and my son.

trailmix

Hi Jasmine and welcome sorry you are going through such a hard time.

Where to go from here. I think the question is where do you want to go from here? Obviously the situation you are living in is not working for you or your child, no child needs to be around active addiction, it's hard enough for adults as you well know.

Baby steps. What do you want to do and where do you want to go? You can't "fix" him and you can't rely on him to fix his addiction, certainly not right now, so you really need a plan for you and your child.

Do you work? The best thing to do right now is take the focus off him an put it back on yourself. First of all your living arrangement, perhaps a good boundary is that he can visit the baby (when sober) but he can't live with you unless he is clean. This protects you and the baby.

Are you part of any support groups, do you have, for instance, Al-Anon in your area? A list of meetings can be found here:

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings...SABEgL5WvD_BwE

There is also Nar-Anon - https://www.nar-anon.org/find-a-meeting/

Both these groups are for friends and family of addicts. They are not about "fixing" the addict, they are places for support and how to live a life with or without the addict in your life.

You also might look at groups for single Mothers? I'm sure there are perhaps groups in your area for this and perhaps your local health dept or your GP can point you in that direction.

You need support around you and as you mention you have no family or friends around, perhaps you can start reaching out for that support.

trailmix

You might find this post interesting, it's from the stickies section at the friends and family of alcoholics forum:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-chick-en.html (Don't be his chick(en)!!!)

It's a good explanation of how someone just "disappearing" from time to time can have a really negative affect on you.

You might also want to browse the f&f forums and the stickies at the top, lots of good information there as well:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/