Always2018

So I met up with my ex this week. He is in recovery a year & a half. We had a lovely walk in the countryside. He decided we should go & get some food. We drove to a fast food place & on getting there he said he felt sick. He did not have any money so he asked me to order & he disappeared into the toilets. He was gone about 15 minutes though. He came out & said he had got sick. I noticed his eyes looked red & watery. Am I being paranoid that he used something? His drugs of choice previously were painkillers. He did not act any different after but it has been on my mind since.

What could he have used & I do know he is regularly being tested as clean. Can anyone offer any insight?

atalose

Was he drug sick? Did he take just enough of something to fend off the withdraws but not act crazy high? Who knows but in time more will be revealed. Trust what your gut is telling you, it knows what your head hasn’t yet figured out or accepted.

I guess some other red flags besides the obvious ones of him disappearing into the toilets for 15 minutes are……….

Sadly I know a great number of people in recovery who are still using. How do you know he is tested regularly? Is that what he told you?

AnvilheadII

there's a lot "off" in your report of his behavior. he suggests you get food, but doesn't have any money, says he feels sick on the WAY there, yet still has your order and PAY FOR fast food while he goes to the bathroom to throw up?? wouldn't the better plan have been to skip food and go home? after his "bathroom event" did he then chow down on the food you bought? cuz i don't know about you but the last thing i want after puking my guts up is to eat.

Always2018

Thank you. My gut is telling me there is a problem. The highlighted parts are also ringing alarm bells. Although he did have some big expenses recently but no more then I did.

I know he is being tested because he works in that area & staff are regularly tested.

So how is he testing clear & what did he take? I do know there was a relapse in early Autumn. He admitted that. But a friend gave him testing kits. Although I am not sure how many.

Edited to add - yes he ate the food no problem & was sitting opposite me & then I noticed his eyes.

atalose

Another big red flag.

How long has he been your ex? And why is he your ex?

History doesn’t repeat itself – people repeat history.

Hechosedrugs

My ex can pass a urine test if given 24 hours notice. His creatinine levels are always way out of whack when he passes, which suggests that he water-loaded (drank a ton of some sort of liquid.) My understanding is that if there is too much water in our system the drug metabolites are harder to find.

Always2018

We have been on/off for years because of his drug problem. He wants back into my life but of course I am very wary. He got those test kits back in Autumn. He might not even have any more of them. I did ask his family how they thought he was doing & they thought he was good. He was very depressed recently but seems ok now but is that because he is using something to help? But the toilet incident is playing on my mind because he has previous form. This was my first time seeing him in about 4 months. If tablets was his choice, why would he be in there so long?

atalose

.

Our eyes see what our eyes see. Our ears hear what our ears hear. And no matter how much you want/wish/hope to not believe what your eyes saw, trust that it is exactly what has become so very familiar to you.

At this point in time does it really matter if it was pills or something else? Using is using isn’t it.

Always2018

This is very true & I know gut instinct is almost always right. I have not said anything to him yet about it. Sure if you feel sick it tends to happen whether you are near a toilet or not.

I also mentioned to him recently about a checkpoint in my area that did a drugs spot check on drivers. He reacted badly when I told him, asking if it was in my estate etc.

atalose

It appears all the signs are there for using again. AT this point in time talking to him about what you suspect is going to get you exactly nowhere quickly along with denial, anger etc. etc.

Maybe try a different approach to this, like tell him you need to focus on your life and he needs to focus on his and it’s best to end the contact for a while.

AnvilheadII

you can let him rent a ton of space in your head as your try to rationalize his behavior, fret over what type of drug he may have consumed, and all that other hoo hah. or you can accept that this is about as good as it gets with this person......quick review of the years you have known him and his history of behavior should bring you to the same conclusion.

he's your EX for reason.
that HE wants back in YOUR life is not enough reason for you to LET him.
you have a wonderful life to live. don't waste it.