Getting so depressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 84
Getting so depressed
So depressed tonight.
I sit alone a lot and tonight it’s getting to me. My boyfriend is in rehab,I’ve posted about him a few times. I don’t even know if he will straighten up when he leaves rehab. It’s a guessing game with him. I’m pregnant,unsure about the future and if he’s going to be involved in the baby’s life. Overwhelmed about my financial situation and his lack of help once the baby gets here.
Honestly it brings me to tears and tonight I’m crying just thinking about it. I have been through so much with him just hoping he would get better. I know you can’t save people but I helped as best that I could,and it’s like he is blind to my pain and suffering.
I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m not excited for the baby. I’m not excited for my future I’m just so stressed and sad. Currently crying feeling awful with how my life is turning out. I guess I just needed to vent. I’m so broken inside over this. My baby is due in 10 weeks (or less) and I’m a mess mentally and emotionally. Just so upset honestly.
Ive tried therapy. It didn’t help. My family have their own lives and aren’t much help emotionally. The few friends I have are limited to work friends,and I only see them three days a week. But here lately I haven’t been feeling the best with my pregnancy so my doctor has written me excuses to take off for the rest of the week. I need someone to talk to or something,I don’t know what to do anymore
I sit alone a lot and tonight it’s getting to me. My boyfriend is in rehab,I’ve posted about him a few times. I don’t even know if he will straighten up when he leaves rehab. It’s a guessing game with him. I’m pregnant,unsure about the future and if he’s going to be involved in the baby’s life. Overwhelmed about my financial situation and his lack of help once the baby gets here.
Honestly it brings me to tears and tonight I’m crying just thinking about it. I have been through so much with him just hoping he would get better. I know you can’t save people but I helped as best that I could,and it’s like he is blind to my pain and suffering.
I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m not excited for the baby. I’m not excited for my future I’m just so stressed and sad. Currently crying feeling awful with how my life is turning out. I guess I just needed to vent. I’m so broken inside over this. My baby is due in 10 weeks (or less) and I’m a mess mentally and emotionally. Just so upset honestly.
Ive tried therapy. It didn’t help. My family have their own lives and aren’t much help emotionally. The few friends I have are limited to work friends,and I only see them three days a week. But here lately I haven’t been feeling the best with my pregnancy so my doctor has written me excuses to take off for the rest of the week. I need someone to talk to or something,I don’t know what to do anymore
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
Hi iris, sorry you are feeling so down.
Perhaps it would help if you reached out for help. The therapist didn't work out but that doesn't mean there are not groups out there that wouldn't.
Perhaps a group for single Mothers? Al-Anon? Groups for people who are single and pregnant.
It sometimes helps to connect with others that are going what you are going through (not that they will all be in the same situation of course) but you will find there are kind and understanding people out in the world that you can discuss things with. Also when you join groups like that you get to know about other support services you may not be aware of.
As for the financial aspect have you investigated what benefits might be available for you and your baby at all?
I'm sure that seems overwhelming right now, but you have time to take it slowly, maybe on Monday make 1 phone call to a government financial aid department or google a group for support for single Mothers.
Maybe find the nearest Al-Anon meeting and go to the next one. Now is the time to really gather support. You are not alone, people are out there who can help.
Perhaps it would help if you reached out for help. The therapist didn't work out but that doesn't mean there are not groups out there that wouldn't.
Perhaps a group for single Mothers? Al-Anon? Groups for people who are single and pregnant.
It sometimes helps to connect with others that are going what you are going through (not that they will all be in the same situation of course) but you will find there are kind and understanding people out in the world that you can discuss things with. Also when you join groups like that you get to know about other support services you may not be aware of.
As for the financial aspect have you investigated what benefits might be available for you and your baby at all?
I'm sure that seems overwhelming right now, but you have time to take it slowly, maybe on Monday make 1 phone call to a government financial aid department or google a group for support for single Mothers.
Maybe find the nearest Al-Anon meeting and go to the next one. Now is the time to really gather support. You are not alone, people are out there who can help.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,337
Welcome and sorry it’s rough right now.
My sister gave her child to a lovely couple as she had gotten pregnant with a man she didn’t stay with, and she knew she didn’t want/could be a mom at that time mentally or financially.
They still have and always had contact through.....30 years later
Not saying this is for you, but it’s an option and there’s no shame.
I also agree about reaching to in-person supports in your area. Church?
My sister gave her child to a lovely couple as she had gotten pregnant with a man she didn’t stay with, and she knew she didn’t want/could be a mom at that time mentally or financially.
They still have and always had contact through.....30 years later
Not saying this is for you, but it’s an option and there’s no shame.
I also agree about reaching to in-person supports in your area. Church?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,657
you always have someone here iris. I steer clear of offering advice, but there are threads- such as the Family and Friends of...in the Newcomer's forum. You will feel part of a community then. Also more responses.
You might find face 2f meetings with al-anon useful for support as well.
My prayers and support to you.
You might find face 2f meetings with al-anon useful for support as well.
My prayers and support to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
I pray that you will find strength for you
and that precious gift you have inside you.
A bundle that will need you to be strong
and confident inside and out.
Continue to ask for helpful suggestions
and guidance as you move forward in
preparation for God's gift for you to
hold and cherish in a healthy, happy
way.
We are here for you with understanding.
and that precious gift you have inside you.
A bundle that will need you to be strong
and confident inside and out.
Continue to ask for helpful suggestions
and guidance as you move forward in
preparation for God's gift for you to
hold and cherish in a healthy, happy
way.
We are here for you with understanding.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 178
When you said therapy didn't work out - was that with one therapist only? Check the website for Psychology Today has lists of therapists and psychologists with little write ups about each, along with info about payment/insurance. A different therapist might make all the difference in the world. Also have you seen the tv commercials for the therapists you can Face Time with? I can't remember the name of it, but you could Google. That might be an option for you.
As far as friends, you might click with someone at al anon or nar anon, or maybe your pastor can help.
As far as friends, you might click with someone at al anon or nar anon, or maybe your pastor can help.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
How are you going Iris? Your expectations have been dashed, and you're experiencing a huge let down from your previous hopes of a life with your ABF and the baby. For yours and your baby's sake, see what actions you can take to make the coming weeks and months as stress free as possible.
It seems clear that for now you have to make your plans without him in the picture. Can you muster the support you need, either from friends or family? You say your family is distant, but maybe you haven't tried to involve them up until now?
Would it be possible to tell them that you're struggling and ask for emotional and practical support? Are there any resources in your area for new or expecting mothers? Make the best use of anything you can. Maybe your church if you have one, or government programs?
Try to get some or all of the support in place so you can have your baby in peace. I suggest you stop setting yourself up for a crash by expecting anything from your ABF.
Thinking of you - let us know how you're going.
It seems clear that for now you have to make your plans without him in the picture. Can you muster the support you need, either from friends or family? You say your family is distant, but maybe you haven't tried to involve them up until now?
Would it be possible to tell them that you're struggling and ask for emotional and practical support? Are there any resources in your area for new or expecting mothers? Make the best use of anything you can. Maybe your church if you have one, or government programs?
Try to get some or all of the support in place so you can have your baby in peace. I suggest you stop setting yourself up for a crash by expecting anything from your ABF.
Thinking of you - let us know how you're going.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 84
Thanks everyone
Just an update. He left rehab yesterday and now he is back running around up to no good I’m sure. This has made my anxiety sky rocket and I’m feeling quite helpless again. I know you’re supposed to let go of people like him but I have yet to be able to. I have family telling me to keep him away and not let him see the baby. How do I do that? His own mom tells me I’m wasting my time but I don’t know how to cut ties,it’s extremely difficult for me. Feel like I’m drained. I’m so hurt over him he just doesn’t understand what he’s doing to me. I feel like I’m the only person who really cares for him at this point,just makes it hard for me to turn my back. I don’t give him my money or anything,but I do make sure he has food and a place to sleep. Maybe that’s just as bad,I don’t know. The place where he lived burned to the ground the same day he overdosed and almost died (a few weeks ago) so I feel even worse not letting him stay. I just don’t know anymore what to do. Thanks for the support everyone.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Iris,
Here is the best truth I can offer.
At this point I would embrace that I was exactly where God wants me.
If I was in your shoes I would get ready to get busy.
Plenty of folks have went on to have wonderful success in their lives while raising a baby/babies ..e.g. becoming nurses etc.
It will be hard work and sleep will be tough for many years.
I have helped raise 2 step kids any my full son for the last 20 years. My wife raised her 2 kids for several years basically alone and working full time.
My wife used to work the mid shift and slept of and on while watching her kids during the day when they were not in child care. Total insanity.
Kids become the priority especially for the first 10 or so years. After that, they start to take more and more care of themselves.
I am sure if your family knows/sees you are doing all you can, they will be there for you.
Regarding the father. I would move forward expecting no help and preparing to deal with the random craziness addiction offers.
I know this response is tough, but if I expect the worse, i might be pleasantly surprised.
Thanks.
Here is the best truth I can offer.
At this point I would embrace that I was exactly where God wants me.
If I was in your shoes I would get ready to get busy.
Plenty of folks have went on to have wonderful success in their lives while raising a baby/babies ..e.g. becoming nurses etc.
It will be hard work and sleep will be tough for many years.
I have helped raise 2 step kids any my full son for the last 20 years. My wife raised her 2 kids for several years basically alone and working full time.
My wife used to work the mid shift and slept of and on while watching her kids during the day when they were not in child care. Total insanity.
Kids become the priority especially for the first 10 or so years. After that, they start to take more and more care of themselves.
I am sure if your family knows/sees you are doing all you can, they will be there for you.
Regarding the father. I would move forward expecting no help and preparing to deal with the random craziness addiction offers.
I know this response is tough, but if I expect the worse, i might be pleasantly surprised.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 84
Thank you
I try staying very realistic regarding mine and my boyfriend’s future. This is sadly not my first rodeo with loving an addict,I guess they know I have a big heart and will be there when they need me. I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and love him,but he turned into someone I didn’t know halfway through my pregnancy. I’m sure he was probably already that way,just hiding it from me until he could no longer.
I plan on having a talk with him today if I can find him. That’s the stressful part. He has no phone,no car and he drifts from place to place. So I don’t even know if he’s okay. Truth is I can no longer do this with him and I guess my bottom line is telling him that if he can’t put anymore effort into his sobriety then I have to cut ties with him. Not gonna be easy because I love him but what else am I to do. There is no quick fix or a magical button to push to make everything better and I’m tired of wondering where I stand with him. Just pray for me I guess,because I need it. Thank you.
I plan on having a talk with him today if I can find him. That’s the stressful part. He has no phone,no car and he drifts from place to place. So I don’t even know if he’s okay. Truth is I can no longer do this with him and I guess my bottom line is telling him that if he can’t put anymore effort into his sobriety then I have to cut ties with him. Not gonna be easy because I love him but what else am I to do. There is no quick fix or a magical button to push to make everything better and I’m tired of wondering where I stand with him. Just pray for me I guess,because I need it. Thank you.
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