biminiblue

From experience, I can tell you this is not necessarily true. It becomes, "he said, she said."

She may have to take this to small claims court. I think I would just call it a loss if I had another car. What's another $10K on top of $100K? This whole thing is going to need a judge to clean up.

Here's my story on "lending a car."

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7029002 (He said He moves in with me or he’s moving on)

OT4Kids

I went to the police station today and they don't consider the car stolen because I let him borrow it initially. I am worried because he probably let his car insurance lapse and friends told me if he gets in an accident in my car, I am liable. Also he can keep racking up tickets in my name.

So I have to get the car back somehow. At this point I can't get in touch with him at all.

trailmix

So all you can do now is wait for him to return it then. I wouldn't bother to try and contact him, he will be in contact when he decides to be. I might leave one message saying, I have contacted the police and I need you to bring my car back by tomorrow, you can leave the keys on the seat.

I assume he has his phone off but will receive texts that have been sent when he turns it back on?

OT4Kids

I left him messages, tests, emails, and voicemails that I contacted the police about the car. The car is due for emissions test by tomorrow also. (which is nothing compared to the parking tickets he gets on it and I realized he has my ezpass.)

His phone is under my account. I blocked the data and will stop the service on it when I get the car back.

LoveMeNow

How long do his benders usually last? Does he come back all remorseful.....well pretend to be?

OT4Kids

He has never been gone this long. Or been unreachable for this long.

Surfbee

I'd march right back in to that police station and tell them again that he is an ADDICT and he has in FACT stolen your car. So what if you initially lent it to him??! He broke the arrangement you made! Tell the police he'll be on the road high as a kite and therefore a danger to the public!

hopeful4

You may also want to try the State Highway Patrol in your area, they may be more efficient than the local police.

OT4Kids

I contacted the police again. They don't consider the car stolen even though he has had it for 7 days. There is not a time limit past which it is considered stolen since I cannot prove that I only let him have it to go to and from work. He was also supposed to be making payments on the car but he hardly made any and he used to have his own insurance but stopped paying that. Also, he has no drug charges and clean driving record so it did no good for me to tell them he is an addict. I wish it worked that way but it doesn't. And yes, I allowed this to happen.
Please learn from my mistakes!

Bekindalways

OT, did you ever find an Alanon Group? I don't think this is a situation that you are going to be able to come out of on you own.

53500

OT, will YOU learn from your mistakes and cut ties with this guy forever?

hopeful4

The best predictor of future behavior is...past behavior. Or in this case, current behavior. He is NEVER going to change. So please learn from your own past, see him for who he is, and stop letting him do this. After he has racked up thousands in bills for you he is going to come back. He will come dragging in and be all sorry and promise to never do this again. Then...he will do it again. Sell the car when and if he comes back. And don't give him a single penny.

You can do this, you just must be willing.

atalose

If he’s not doing anything to keep you, then why on earth are you trying so hard to stay?

The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. He ignores your feelings, he sees clearly that you have not set any kind of standards for yourself and he knows you will always give him a another chance. He’s not afraid to lose you because no matter what you won’t walk away. He’s become very comfortable depending on your forgiveness.

Domestic violence hotline = 800-656-4673 (hope)

PuzzledHeart

When he takes your car, do you have anybody in real life that you can tell this to? Or are you too ashamed to admit that you let him have your car?

You have to close the cookie jar down. You mentioned earlier that it was just too hard to stop him from coming into your life? Could you tell us what makes it so hard? Could you reach out and ask for assistance for a script so you know how you will respond the next time he comes knocking on your door? I know for myself, knowing what I want to say and actually writing it down during a confrontation helps me loads.

You have given away an amount of money that is the equivalent of one year of college education. So you've essentially increased your children's student loan debt by 100K (presuming that you wanted to help them out with this. So you can't say that they're not affected.

Another question: What would a beautiful life (without the fantasy of him) look like to you right now this moment, and what can you do now to find that life? No detail is too minor.

When I was a kid, and I was enduring physical abuse, I imagined a life where I was all grown up and out of the house. I would go on my bike every day because I wanted to move to France, and each bike ride was one step closer to the life I wanted (had to get physically fit). As I got older, I signed up for every after-school activity I could think of, because each activity meant less time in the house, and it increased the chances of getting into a college and finally getting to choose the home I wanted, not the home I was born into. I was still very powerless then, and I couldn't kick my abuser out, but I lived in hope. I ardently wish that you find your way back to hope too.