NWDad

I have watched my daughter deal with a meth addiction for 18 years now. She uses IV. She has been in treatment several times and was even clean for almost 6 years. Her 12 yr old daughter is in fostercare and while she talks about finally calling child protective service to try to get her back, she does nothing. It has been 10 months since the child was taken. She obviously is running out of time. The only time I hear from her is when she tries to scam me for money. I refuse, she blows up, repeat that cycle every few months. I don't ever hear from her (even birthdays) unless she is yet again trying to manipulate me. Everything is a con for her now. I have heard meth makes one "evil." I don't believe that but I do think it seems to deaden feelings of love and compassion. Can anyone explain how an addict can give up their own child? Is she that numb?

Troubledone

My niece became completely psychotic in the throes of meth addiction (14 years, three treatments). So I think, yes, drugs take away everything - including the normal maternal instinct.

It is a scary thing to see what meth does to the brain, but it explains how it takes over. There is a lot of info on line about what various drugs do to the reward centers of the brain, how they impair impulse control, etc. But all that information, while it explained things for me - it didn't make me feel any better about it all.

Mostly I hope your grandchild is in good foster care. Kids can be very resilient if they have one sane adult in their life who cares for them, listens to them and buffers some of the trauma of being a child of an addict.

I am so sorry you are going through this. There are few things worse that witnessing someone we love slipping away.

Sending prayers that your HP shows you what you can do and gives you the peace to let go of the rest.

hopeful4

I feel so badly for her poor child, I cannot imagine how she feels. Prayers to you and the child.

atalose

Addiction is horrible disease and I am sorry you are dealing with it with your daughter. I know for me my biggest misconception was in thinking it was as simple as them just making a chose but I’ve since learned it is nowhere near that easy.

Hardcore addiction lives in the same part of their brain that tells them to breath. It becomes their life survival tool.

How can an addict give up their own child, because that’s how hideous this disease is. Your daughter lives each day to get high, nothing and no one will come in between that.

When she talks about calling child protective service and getting her child back, I’m sure she actually means that at the moment she says it but her addiction doesn’t allow her to follow through with it.

Besides no one is going to give that child back to an active addict and no child should have to live in an environment with active addiction.

It stinks, it’s not fair and many of us here understand the heart wrenching emotions you go through. I hope you stick around and keep posting because the support here at SR is fantastic.

NWDad

A car lot contacted me yesterday looking for her. She stole a car while on a test drive. The hits keeping coming. On the bright side, maybe she'll dry out if she's locked up a while. It might save her life.

atalose

Sadly I believe you are right, I personally think it’s much better for them to be on a cot in a cage then out on the streets putting poison into their bodies.

Freedom1990

I'd like to answer that as a long-term (28 years) recovering addict/alcoholic. My drug of choice was meth, and I too was an IV user.

I was in effect cut off from the neck down. There were no maternal feelings, no feelings at all, only that feeling of euphoria I constantly chased from the drug.

When I did have feelings, they were self-loathing, fear, and guilt. As someone else said, it was a matter of survival.

I am so sorry for the pain your whole family is suffering. Gentle hugs from Kansas.

NWDad

That's helpful for my understanding since I've never used that drug.

Thank you!

NWDad

Freedom1990, do you have any advice for family? I guess I'm hoping she'll get locked up...just something to remove the drug from her access so she might wake from the drug fog. She has stolen 2 cars from dealerships now and has a warrant for breaking a no-contact order (10 times)

Freedom1990

NWDad, I certainly understand you wanting her to get locked up. Unfortunately the several times my oldest was locked up did nothing to change her lifestyle. (I have two daughters, both active in addictions).

I think the most important thing I can share with any family is my parents almost loved me to death. Do I fault them? Absolutely not. They were doing the best that they could with what they had at the time.

Towards the end, I literally cut myself off from them because I knew the end was near and the guilt I had for what I put them through was crushing.

I hit rock bottom when I was face down in the dirt with no one left to pick me up.

Pray, and every night before you go to bed, place her in God's loving hands. He has a plan for her, just as God has for my daughters. We just don't know what that plan is.

I wish for you a quiet heart, peace of mind, and joy.

trailmix

Hi NWDad and welcome, so sorry about the rough time you are going through.

Please remember you didn't Cause this, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3c's).

Your concern is commendable and I'm sure you are very hurt and worried. Please remember to look after yourself.

NWDad

Thank you. I see your point. I'm a CDP counselor ..I do this for a living so I was thinking about a long post acute withdrawal so she might begin to feel something again. We are basically estranged now so it's as you describe. I spoke to my wife and since her contact with me is always a con and very infrequent now, I'm going to just insist she not contact me until she's in treatment/ has some clean time. Can't do the lies any more. It's nuts! Thank you everyone for your supportive comments!

kthopkt

Very sorry you are struggling. To answer your question: yes, drugs are more important to your daughter than anything else. Doesn't mean she is a bad or uncaring person; it just means that right now she chooses drugs over all else. This is not entirely her fault because her brain chemistry has been changed and she lacks an ability to make sound decisions. Deep down your daughter cares but every time those thoughts surface, they are unbearable and then the cycle continues. Whenever my brother gets sober, his children are all that he cares about. In fact, he is more caring than most people I know but as soon as he uses that changes. I have discovered meth is stronger than love - until, by some miracle, the reverse can happen. I will pray for you and your daughter.

NWDad

Thank you