Donisi44

I don’t know if this is selfish but I’m just struggling so much with this..
I have supported my now ex meth addict boyfriend for 5 years, been through it all helped him every way I could. I left early this year because he was 1 year clean but he still was treating me horrible.
I found out in June he had relapsed so I reached out to help. He went back to manipulating, lieing, stealing, abusing me calling me all sorts of names when he didn’t get what he wants.
About 3 weeks ago he started to disappear more. He then tells me he has met someone and is clean. That she is also clean which I’m having trouble believing seeing as he was only hanging around fellow addicts. He basically moved in with her and tells me how happy he is and he is 3 weeks clean. I don’t know weather to believe it or not but it still just hurts so much. I gave everything to this man he took everything from me. He is extremely narcissistic and when I questioned his behaviour to me his response was I deserved everything I got.
I’m just wanting some advice and to basically ask can he change so quickly in three weeks go for smoking meth every day to not? Or is this just a big lie? Sorry if iv blabbed on but any advice would really help my mind.
Thankyou in advance

atalose

I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire!!!

He has a history of lying, he has a history of drug abuse and a history of relapse put all of that together and you have a typical addict saying and doing typical addict behavior.

Based on what you shared, NO I would not believe he is clean and she probably isn’t either. Addicts blame so of course he pushed it all back on you, that’s what they do in active addiction. Can’t take responsibility for their own actions because if they did then they may have to actually take steps to change and change does not come easy to addicts.

I am sorry you are hurt and I think in time you will come to see that the best of this person and the relationship was in the very beginning then filled with tremendous instability. The best advice I could give you is to go NO CONTACT because no contact = no new hurts.

Grieve this relationship and the time you spent trying to help someone change who really did not want to change.

Troubledone

Donis

My experience is that when an addict tires of a codependent (or the codependent doesn't do everything they want), they go find a new one.

Then, of course they aren't going to say "hey, I found another person to manipulate and lie to" - no, they will make it sound like heaven on earth and say anything hurtful they want to to justify their behavior.

Atalose said it well - When you compare his actual history of behavior to his words, the behavior tells the story.

I read a book recently that helped me a lot - Smoke and Mirrors by Dorothy English - its about all the tricks addict do to manipulate - it might help you see through his ruse.

Prayers you find your own freedom and strength.