I just got my butt beaten
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
OT, I am so sorry and sad to see the cycle of abuse continues
I hope you are OK, I hope you press charges, I hope your children did not witness this and I hope this time you are finally done allowing this behavior into your life
Heartbreaking stuff...
I hope you are OK, I hope you press charges, I hope your children did not witness this and I hope this time you are finally done allowing this behavior into your life
Heartbreaking stuff...
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello OT...I, too, am sorry to see how this is continuing. I am posting the "About Abuse" sticky here for you again. I hope that you will take the time to read through these posts and this information. You deserve peace, your children deserve peace.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Please call a women's shelter near you and find some support. You don't have to go there for them to help you.
You are a victim here, this is not your fault. It is never okay to hit and hurt another person
The link Seren provided may help you see that you can take your life back.
hugs
You are a victim here, this is not your fault. It is never okay to hit and hurt another person
The link Seren provided may help you see that you can take your life back.
hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I should have said this first. Please get medical help if you need it. And take pictures of yourself and your injuries. You may need them one day.
And of course, call the police and get a restraining order so he cannot hurt you again.
And of course, call the police and get a restraining order so he cannot hurt you again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
I am still here and making poor choices. I keep letting him come back. He has disappeared for a night every week. He stole at least one debit and one credit card from me yesterday and spent a lot of money. i didnt know til the banks called me tonight. Every night i can't sleep well and have so much anxiety.
Again i need to decide if i should report him to the police for stealing.
I don't know why i cant let go
Again i need to decide if i should report him to the police for stealing.
I don't know why i cant let go
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
so you did NOT report him for battering you and stealing your car??
where are your kids when all this crap goes down? what are THEY learning from all of this? what kind of chaos do THEY have to live in?
where are your kids when all this crap goes down? what are THEY learning from all of this? what kind of chaos do THEY have to live in?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,869
I am so sorry, OT. You home should be a place of safety and serenity. I don't doubt that you cannot sleep. I know I couldn't sleep knowing the person who beats me is living in the same house.
What are you really, deep down, afraid of if you leave him?
What are you really, deep down, afraid of if you leave him?
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by OT4Kids 
I am still here and making poor choices. I keep letting him come back. He has disappeared for a night every week. He stole at least one debit and one credit card from me yesterday and spent a lot of money. i didnt know til the banks called me tonight. Every night i can't sleep well and have so much anxiety.
Again i need to decide if i should report him to the police for stealing.
I don't know why i cant let go
Again i need to decide if i should report him to the police for stealing.
I don't know why i cant let go
You need to report him and get the cops to press charges for theft and battery. He stole your car, a debit card and credit card. YOU NEED TO DO IT for your safety. I am worried that if his behavior gets worse, and you stay with him, there may be a point where the courts deem you an unfit parent for exposing your kids to his man, and then your kids will end up in care. Now, I don't know if that will happen. I have no idea how the system works where you are, but you need to protect your kids from him EVEN if you still care about him, still want to give him a chance, still want to be with him... etc. The main point I am making here is, your kids should not be exposed to this. Furthermore, if you are their only means of support (and you probably are), you need to protect yourself.
If you don't think you are worth it (and I disagree, I think you ARE worth it), please think your kids are worth it.
Please stay safe.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You don't have to do this alone, dear. Please call a women's shelter and ask for help...they WILL help you find real life support.
I volunteered at a women's shelter for years and I think the one time that broke my heart more than any other was when a mother and her daughter came in and the daughter had been beaten badly, needing stitches and had lost a tooth, because she had stepped in when her father was beating her mother. That one thing just shattered my heart and led me to continually say "PLEASE protect the children, and reach out for help to protect yourself".
You KNOW you are making bad choices here, please accept that and reach out for help before somebody dies. We care here, we want you to be okay and for your children to be okay, but real live help in your real world is what you need right now to get out of this cycle of abuse.
It will happen again, I am so sorry to say that but it will, and next time he may kill you...or your children.
I say all those harsh words with love in my heart. I will pray for you and your children, you are worth so much better than any of this and there are people who can and will help you.
Please reach out.
Hugs
I volunteered at a women's shelter for years and I think the one time that broke my heart more than any other was when a mother and her daughter came in and the daughter had been beaten badly, needing stitches and had lost a tooth, because she had stepped in when her father was beating her mother. That one thing just shattered my heart and led me to continually say "PLEASE protect the children, and reach out for help to protect yourself".
You KNOW you are making bad choices here, please accept that and reach out for help before somebody dies. We care here, we want you to be okay and for your children to be okay, but real live help in your real world is what you need right now to get out of this cycle of abuse.
It will happen again, I am so sorry to say that but it will, and next time he may kill you...or your children.
I say all those harsh words with love in my heart. I will pray for you and your children, you are worth so much better than any of this and there are people who can and will help you.
Please reach out.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
He doesn't ever hurt me or fight with me when my kids are here. (I share joint custody with my ex husband.)
If i go ahead and press charges then i lose any chance of him earning money to pay back what he owes me.
If i go ahead and press charges then i lose any chance of him earning money to pay back what he owes me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
You have spent almost two years on this site describing the physical, emotional, mental, and financial abuse you have suffered at the hands of this man. The DV people understand this and know how to help you face and deal with it, and free yourself. Just because he doesn't do it in front of your kids doesn't mean it is okay that he does it at all. YOU deserve to be treated with basic human dignity and respect.
He has no intention of ever paying you back. He will repeat this cycle of stealing from you each week, digging himself deeper into your debt, until you decide it ends. He has no fear of consequences from his behavior, and literally no incentive to stop. You can cut your losses and teach him that he cannot continue to treat you this way by pressing charges against him for his illegal and abusive behavior. He will not get better by magic.
We don't always get to be with the people we love or care about. Sometimes they are not really the person we wish they were, no matter how hard we hope or try to encourage them to be.
You are in a prison of your own design. Only you have the key. Please. Make the call to the DV center for the strength and courage to use it.
He has no intention of ever paying you back. He will repeat this cycle of stealing from you each week, digging himself deeper into your debt, until you decide it ends. He has no fear of consequences from his behavior, and literally no incentive to stop. You can cut your losses and teach him that he cannot continue to treat you this way by pressing charges against him for his illegal and abusive behavior. He will not get better by magic.
We don't always get to be with the people we love or care about. Sometimes they are not really the person we wish they were, no matter how hard we hope or try to encourage them to be.
You are in a prison of your own design. Only you have the key. Please. Make the call to the DV center for the strength and courage to use it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he is NEVER going to pay you back one single dime. the debt will just keep getting deeper, until you finally put a stop to it. his violence is getting more severe.
this is not love this is not helping anyone. even if your children do not actually witness the abuse, they still have an abused confused mother who let's this despicable person back in the door x 1000. you can't protect them if you can't even protect yourself.
this is not love this is not helping anyone. even if your children do not actually witness the abuse, they still have an abused confused mother who let's this despicable person back in the door x 1000. you can't protect them if you can't even protect yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
If i go ahead and press charges then i lose any chance of him earning money to pay back what he owes me.
Please, press charges for stealing your car, your money and for battery. These are crimes. He is a criminal. Please stop protecting him and save yourself, OT. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
OT4Kids, I suspect your children are not dummies. In fact, I suspect they are very smart, and are already picking up on the fact that something is not right.
What makes you stay? Don't tell me there aren't any, because right now you're staying. What are the top ten reasons why you stay? Are you afraid your ex-husband will get wind of this and sue for custody? Is it because your mother is telling you ad nauseum to dump him? Are any of the reasons why is because something that good that he's done for you (sex doesn't count), or are they reasons based on fear?
What makes you stay? Don't tell me there aren't any, because right now you're staying. What are the top ten reasons why you stay? Are you afraid your ex-husband will get wind of this and sue for custody? Is it because your mother is telling you ad nauseum to dump him? Are any of the reasons why is because something that good that he's done for you (sex doesn't count), or are they reasons based on fear?
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