Anger
 

I haven't posted on here in a while but i come back to read other peoples stories.

I have been feeling so angry at myself lately for falling in love with someone who has an addiction. I feel i am at the end of my rope and that i am done..until he starts to come back around again. I am sick of not seeing him for days at a time, i am sick of being alone and feeling alone on my week-ends, i am sick of him putting drugs and god knows what else before me, i am mad at myself for letting all this bug me, i am mad at myself for thinking its something about me that makes him avoid me, i get mad at myself for all my negative thinking...and as soon as he resurfaces with a smile and a hi, i am swept back in....i am just angry and at this moment i am fed up.. i had to vent and get this out because i feel at times i am going crazy. ( i am in therapy but don't see her everyday..this was the next best place to be)

thanks for letting me vent.

I feel the exact same way and was about to post something very similar as i sit here alone after repeatedly taking my addict back in only to end up hurt and disappointed each time.

I hope that you will be able to let go of your addict and that you are able to find peace!

Sending hugs!

Wishing peace and strength for you.

What does this man do for you that you feel so attached to him for? What do you love about him?

It will probably sound like many other scenarios but aside from his drug use. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interests, and views on things. We can actually talk, we’re both ourselves when we’re together and it’s not all about him using, we talk about hobbies and life and past experiences... I see a side of him that isn’t just a “user” we both have a loving respect for each other and when I see him I light up, I truly love him...I hate these down times when I know it’s the addiction but can’t help think it’s about me.

No contact. That is the only way. Addicts are so manipulative. No contact will get you out of that cycle.

,

This is what a relationship with an active addict looks like. If you can’t accept who and how he is then you really have no business being in a relationship with him.

What are the things you have in common? What are the things you could possible talk about with an active addict? What hobbies could an active addict possible have besides wanting drugs, seeking out drugs and getting high? What about intimacy? Is there any in this relationship? If so, is it sex he comes around for?

Not trying to be mean here but you have created some kind of a great relationship with him when he comes around while he seems to have found a great enabler. Someone who accepts his absence or accountability to a relationship. Someone who is waiting with open arms after being disrespected, discounted and ignored for days at a time. Someone who accepts unacceptable behavior in a relationship.

I just don't know what to do or think, I feel like I've lost myself. I see him with other girls that are friends and it's hard for me, I get jealous...my mind is very mixed up and I feel like I'm not good enough or it's something about me... These past couple of days have been really hard on me.

I'm sure he loves you. I'm sure you're amazing!! This is not about anything that YOU lack. If he's distant or avoidant it could be anything; could be his addiction. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You don't deserve it. You deserve the best. What's going on that you cannot talk to him right now? You need to put yourself and don't hate yourself. You are worthy.

I think he is back to using meth he hasn’t been himself lately. There is this girl who keeps coming around and spending time with him, she’s a friends girlfriend....it makes me jealous and insecure.Hes not wearing the ring I gave him anymore, and he has never communicated with me how he feels about me, he gets me little gifts and things from the store when he goes but I don’t know how he feels.... He has sensed that I’ve been upset, he told me he can’t stand this girl and that’s she’s annoying and always around...He got mad at me for distancing myself a bit and showing that I was upset...he got this ******* tone asking why I look so mad, I told him I’m not...he says well you look it. I eventually saw him again and we hugged and I told him I get jealous he said he could sense it,but everything is ok....he was all over the place not seeming to be himself, I haven’t seen him like that in months..I think he’s using meth...I’m just a mess right now thinking I’m not good enough or he sees me in this negative way now because I was jealous...but who wouldn’t be

Oh dear...it's very difficult to have any kind of decent relationship with someone who is "all over the place", isn't it? I'm sorry you feel like you're a mess right now. But this is just temporary. And if the other girl annoys him and he really doesn't want her around, he needs to man up about that. Anyways, just tell yourself that you are not the problem....sending a big giant hug to you...

You have very separate issues right now.

You are worried you are not good enough, and being insecure. You are also worried he is using meth. Can you see the irony here?

I think you need to step back and analyze what you deserve out of a relationship and ask yourself if you are receiving that?

Big hugs.

I hear myself in you. I saw the great side of him, I so longed for that to come back. I hung in there, supporting him while he used and promised he was trying to recover. He promised so much, "don't give up, hang in there with me". We had such a nice time in the beginning and when he wasn't using. Then I was mad at myself for all the reasons you listed.

I thought the real him was the one not using. But in the end (for me) it was the mask he wore to pull me in, to hook me, to keep me hanging on for the promise of what could be. He could pull off the most amazing times, we had so much in common. Why wouldn't I stand by him? I did for a long time and it took a toll on me. I felt so crazy, so full of heartache.

An addict is an addict and the substance of choice comes first. They will say and do anything to keep you in their court. A healthy person, would not put you through those awful times or deflect their issues on you or make you feel like the crazy one. Addiction is crazy making. You are worth so much more than he leaves you with.

Its more than the good times, its about all the times.

Wishing you peace in your heart, in your mind. You deserve so much more.

tic