Tomorrow - court

Old 08-16-2018, 10:35 AM
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Tomorrow - court

Tomorrow the young man who stole from me (and others) to fuel his drug habit goes to court for his plea deal to be accepted. He is asking to be admitted to drug court, which he is eligible to apply for based on the presumption of incarceration for his drug-related crimes.

Drug court will require him to go to probation 2x per week and court 1x per week during the first phase (unless he is mandated to in-patient rehab, then these provisions kick in upon release). After or instead of any in-patient rehab, he will be required to participate in an out-patient intensive program. Eventually the probation steps down to 1x week and the court monitoring to 1x month. After completing IOP, there is mandatory attendance at 12 step meetings, must have a sponsor, must have a job, must pay court fines and restitution, must not commit another crime.

The full program runs for between 3-5 years. There are built-in consequences for infractions. The court recognizes that someone in recovery will probably have slips, and they are allowed a certain number of missed probation/court dates or dirty tests them with consequences like 3 days in jail, etc. However, the "second chances" are limited, and if one fails out of the program, they are incarcerated.

At first I felt extremely bitter and revengeful (is that a word?) against this person. Now, enough time has passed and I realize that it takes too much of my energy to continue to have strong feelings about him. I never want to see him again; the only contact I want is if/when he pays the restitution I'll receive notification/payment through the probation department.

I will not be in court because the prosecutor told me it's not necessary. Originally I was going to go, but I've decided I'm taking the day off work anyway, but staying away from court. I'm going to do something nice for myself instead.

This man has two young children who live with his ex-wife and her new husband. He has had no contact with the children and is in arrears on child support (he'll have to get caught up and on an regular payment plan as another of the drug court mandates). I'm hopeful that he will succeed in drug court, that he will become a productive member of society, that he embraces a successful recovery, and someday will (re)build a relationship with his children once he is responsible enough to be with them.

If this goes well tomorrow, he will be have a strict program and assistance to rebuild his life. If this goes well tomorrow, this horrible chapter will be over for me.

If you are so inclined, say a little prayer. Thank you.
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Old 08-16-2018, 11:36 AM
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I will absolutely say a prayer Green Chair. I know it will be a huge sigh of relief when it's over.

Big hugs!
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Old 08-16-2018, 01:12 PM
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Yes, prayers for a good outcome for everyone concerned.

The folks in drug court know what they are doing (my addict went through that) and they can't be fooled. Sometimes it works and sometimes not, but it is a chance to make a different choice with consequences for infractions.

Prayers that the addict make the right choices and prayers that you and all those harmed are healed of the trauma of all that goes with addiction.
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Old 08-16-2018, 01:19 PM
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It is good that you let go of the bitterness because that only hurts you. He wouldn't even know you're bitter, and probably wouldn't care anyway.

It sounds like he is going to be quite busy for the next few years. That is good. Hopefully, it will help keep him out of trouble.
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Old 08-17-2018, 02:53 AM
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Prayers for the best possible outcome!
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Old 08-17-2018, 12:31 PM
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My prayers too. One thing that comforts me on the loss of my son to addiction (he has been missing for almost 15 years now) is that there is and has always been help out there for him, even if he is incarcerated, there are meetings in prisons, and each is available to him if he decides to reach out.

I like that drug court is strict on enforcement. It's the only way it could ever work.

I am glad you were able to let go of the pain, GreenChair, resentments can eat us alive.

Hugs
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Old 08-18-2018, 12:33 PM
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So frustrating!!! court was yesterday. All day I was anxious and jumpy. Ran some errands to keep busy, then went for a massage, which made me feel calmer. . Decided to take a nap when I got home. Cell phone and landline beside me. Woke up after 5.... No call from the prosecutor or victim office... And of course it was too late to call them. Now I'm on pins and needles, not knowing what happened in court yesterday. I would have gone, even though they told me it wasn't necessary, had I known they would not keep me informed. They do this every day, so I guess it's no big deal to the, but to me it's huge.

Thank you, posters, for the supportive comments. I appreciate.
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Old 08-23-2018, 03:58 PM
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I'm no longer frustrated. I'm enraged.

This guy was supposed to be in court last Friday for the TWENTY FELONIES and I was just informed by the county prosecutor's office that he was a no-show and a warrant has been issued for his arrest.

I was assured that he was on home detention, so how the heck does he end up in the wind? I assumed (NEVER ASSUME) that home detention means ankle bracelet. I guess not.

I am so incredibly pissed off!

I was asked to enter my victim's impact statement electronically in addition to the form I'd sent to them months ago. I just finished it, but decided to "save and finish later" rather than "submit". I'm so glad, because my closing statement WAS about trusting His Honor to impose a sentence w/o guidance from me, but the only thing I asked for was that this guy be required to attend counseling, whether incarcerated or in drug court ("I have been informed he's made application to drug court, and I have no objection... ), because ".... he is young and can become a better person and live a life he can be proud of as a productive member of society... blah blah blah." Thank God I didn't send that. If he blew off a court date, there is no way he's going to jump through all the hoops of drug court. So just lock him up now and let's all move on.
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Old 08-24-2018, 04:09 AM
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It was wise you waited, and I'd be angry too. Having not shown up once, he will, hopefully, not be allowed bail when he is arrested again. They gave him a chance. I also hope the judge is no fool and can see this is a man who doesn't want saving...nor does he want to bide by the law and be a decent citizen sorry for his mistakes...all 20 of them.

Don't let it eat you alive, just stay on the path and keep going. In the end, he will get what's coming to him, I believe that.

Hugs
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Old 08-24-2018, 08:18 AM
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Ugh. Unfortunately, the courts are overwhelmed, and this is just another day at the office. It's so terrible.

I send you huge hugs! I am glad you waited and changed your statement. There is just no reason for them to not be able to keep track of someone who is released "on home detention." Goodness.

When I was in high school we knew a guy who had went to prison. He was released wearing an ankle bracelet and if he got too far from his house it went off and the police would show up immediately. Good thing in theory.

In reality, he would use baby oil and slip it off his ankle. He would leave it at home and go party all the time.

I do think he ended up back in jail eventually, but it definitely showed how easy it was to escape something they thought was working.
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Old 08-24-2018, 07:11 PM
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I am sincerely sorry that someone else had to learn the hard way what a sorry state our justice system is in in this country. While reading your original post I had to resist the urge to post because you had hope the system would work and I am so jaded I didn't want to be rude.

My grand child's father knows exactly how our court system works and he manipulates it royally. He stole my checks, forged my signature and cashed them. I pressed charges (after being threatened that I would never see my grand child if I did). He showed up to court begged forgiveness, said how sad he was that I had to file charges against him considering he was "family" (BS- you jackass you were my daughter's bf and my grandchild's father, you are not my family). But he was forgiven (by the court) he promised to repay my money and the charges were dismissed. He never repaid and then didn't show up for the adjudication hearing. He was arrested and charged with bad checks, and forgery again (by a stranger this time), and the same damn thing, promised to pay, didn't and was a no show at the adjudication. I just learned he was charged yet a third time last week. Just waiting for the court to allow him to do the same damn thing again.

He now owes thousands to all of us he stole from. And the hysterical thing...the judge is actually surprised when he doesn't show up to court. I am sitting there laughing (and I get chastised by the judge) at how broken our system is. Oh and on top of this he's been a no show the last 5 supervised visits and hasn't paid a damn dime in child support in 10 months. The only hope I have is that my daughter, now away from him has been sober for a year. So that is good news.

I hope you get better from our legal system but I doubt you will. Sorry.
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Old 08-30-2018, 01:02 PM
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GreenChair, how are you doing? I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Please post when you can. Warm hugs from Kansas.
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Old 09-01-2018, 09:30 AM
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Thank you for asking.

I'm simply in limbo about the whole matter.

The letter I received asked me to call the victim advocate if I had any info where "the fugitive" might be, so I called a week ago Friday. Instead of just taking the info, they directed me to call the sheriff's office. The first call was hard enough. It was like a smack in the face. If they wanted me to call the sheriff's office, why didn't the letter include that phone #? So I called there and told whomever it was I spoke to that I did have some possibilities and passed along the possibilities I am aware of.

The victim advocate also told me that she could not give me any information about my other questions because those are questions for the prosecutor. Again, then why did the letter only include the ph# for the victim advocate whose function apparently is to redirect calls. Well, I called the prosecutor and reached voice mail, left a message with a bunch of questions.

Those calls were made Friday, August 24. It's Saturday, September 1, and I have not received a return phone call, have not received any more correspondence, and there has been no arrest. Sadly, I don't even trust them to actually bother to inform me of when he's arrested (as they didn't bother to inform me when he was most recently released and don't care to explain to me how someone on home detention -- presumably wearing an electronic device -- manages to disappear) -- so I've been checking the county jail online several times per day.

I wish I never reported the crime. From the perspective of the justice system it simply was not worth it. I'm being punished with anxiety, canceled/no-show court dates, someone on the "loose" with a vendetta against me for pressing charges... while the thief is ... ??? Who knows? I would advise anyone not to bother to press charges unless, like in my case, it was necessary to have a police report in order not to be held responsible for the stolen/cashed checks. Reporting it helped me not to be financially responsible for his crimes, but has done nothing to hold him responsible.
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Old 09-01-2018, 06:25 PM
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Yup. Kinda like when my 7-year-old tested positive for meth, and I filed a police report which included his test, my ex's 4 positives, and other evidence... and the "detective" did nothing more than call him down to the police station for an interview. The case was summarily dropped due to "lack of evidence" (lack of investigation, if you ask me).

It irks me to no end that they'll actually prosecute things like speeding tickets, but anything that happens to private citizens, they just don't seem to care. It seems only crimes that were directly witnessed by police officers stand a chance.

It's a mess. Sorry you're going through this.
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Old 09-02-2018, 09:31 AM
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Thanks. I had a totally lousy attitude toward cops already and this has only reinforced my worst opinion of them and the system. Attitude based on cops ignoring a phone call from neighbor years ago when all the kids were middle school age and a passing car threw a glass bottle at them while they were all just hanging out in the driveway. Then there was the time a passing car grazed my son and friend at crosswalk, and I found out BC a neighbors son saw, I jumped on my car and arrived to a cop yelling at the two boys, even though the crossing guard said they were crossing appropriately holding, not riding, their skateboards. Crossing guard had description, but not plate #, of the car. Cops had no interest. Must have been one of their wives. Sorry for the rant but I'm angry, frustrated, depressed and full of anxiety today.
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Old 09-02-2018, 09:34 AM
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Ps... Hechosedrugs, I can't even wrap my mind around a system that ignores a positive test on a 7 yo. I'm so sorry that happened.
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Old 09-04-2018, 02:15 PM
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It is most definitely a broken system.
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Old 10-06-2018, 05:13 PM
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You're right, hopeful, it sure is broken. Mr. Wonderful's #1 co-defendant is also awol, but #2 had been attending court dates. #2 was supposed to be in court on 9/24. I've had no update from the court about that appearance, other than a letter that he was to be in court on 10/1.

The husband and I took a vacation during the last week of September, and I was sure that I'd have information from the courts waiting in my mail upon returning. Wrong.

Now it's 10/6 - still no updates. I faxed information to the advocate last Wednesday with more information I learned about where Mr. Wonderful may possibly be located, and I asked for information about #2's court appearance outcomes. No reply. So I called on Friday morning, and was told the advocate had "stepped away from her desk" and I left a message asking for an update about #2's court dates of 9/24 and 10/1. She didn't call me back.

I'm so through with this. Especially since my son is doing so well ever since Mr. Wonderful is out of our lives. Son's GF had been in the hospital for much of September and is now in a rehab (physical, not substance). She's only in her mid 20s and had a cardiac issue. !! That's a lot of stress for someone in first year of recovery, but he's handling it!

When my son was not doing well it seemed if he missed a municipal court date that they sent out Dog the Bounty Hunter to find him! But this guy is on the lam with 20 felony indictments, and no one seems to care except me. I've called his cell phone from a private line. It's still active. So I've reminded them of the cell # and suggested using it to find him. I found paperwork he left behind at my house, which included his notebook where he'd written out his credit card number, including the 3 digit code on the back and the customer service #. I provided all of that and asked, can't you find him through his credit card use? But I get no answers!!!

Mr. Wonderful was in active addiction when he stole from us. That doesn't excuse what he did, but it makes it comprehensible. I actually feel MORE victimized by THE AUTHORITIES and their lack of giving a damn.

Rant over :-)
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Old 10-09-2018, 01:20 PM
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I am sorry you are going thro this.

I hate to say it, but I was in jail for dui for a few months and all the ladies in there that were convicted of drug offenses were HOPING to get Drug Court. I'm sure it depends on the district / state, but I guess here it is pretty lax.

are the charges just for drugs, or are they for stealing as well?
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Old 10-09-2018, 05:12 PM
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IDK if drug court is lax; it's not here. To get in, one has to plead guilty to outstanding charges.

None of his 20 indictments related to me are for drugs. They're for theft, identity theft, and forgery. However, he has open cases separate from mine, and those involved drugs. So the prosecutor told me (in June?) that Mr. Wonderful was trying to get into drug court. If accepted, that means he'd have to plead guilty to everything else that was outstanding. He would not get jail/prison; he'd be on the 5 year program of treatment, probation, testing, etc. The way I see it, I am hopeful that he'd get into drug court because he needs help. If he ends up locked up for a year or two, when he comes out he will certainly not be rehabilitated, will probably go back to drugs and other crimes. If he does get into the program, and if he screws up and violates the parameters of drug court, then he'd automatically goes to jail for the length included in his plea bargains.

I'm sure it varies greatly state to state, even county to county, depending on size, availability of treatment, jail overcrowding...
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