Debralou

I was your typical clueless mom. My son came home to li e with me when hos girlfriend threw him out. He was in pain management and it seemed like he was on every drug available on the planet. When his ins ran out i was the one who held him through when his doctors cut him off. He then got on meth and made my life hell. I spent two years in my room because he was Convinced that we wer

Debralou

Being spied on. I couldn't watch tv or listen to music because they were listening. My family abandoned me. They did not want to be around him. I finally put on my big girl britches and had him evicted from my home. After living in his car and homeless for two months he called and asked me for help. I gave him the phone number for salvation army and he entered their program on April 5. I have not heard from him since he left. It has been four months and no word. I called the rehab and they will not tell me if he is there. All his stuff is still at my home so i figure he is still there. Is this normal to hzve no contact?

Troubledone

Debralou

Yes, it is "normal" in this abnormal world of addiction for an addict to come and go and not have contact for long periods of time. I don't know that you can be sure he is still in rehab because his things are at your home. Addicts have a tendency to lose track of things.

Sadly, one never knows what addicts are up to when they are out of contact. We like to think they are working their recovery.

In the case of my addict, when I didn't hear from her she was digging a much bigger hole (much bigger). I hope that is not the case for your son - and it might be.

One question you might ask the Salvation army that could give you a hint is "what is the normal amount of time a person is in one of your programs". If they say anything less than the time that has elapsed, there is a likelihood that he is not there. But still, sometimes not knowing helps us get in touch with how truly powerless we are.

Addicts don't think about what we might be going through worrying about them. They don't think to contact us unless they need something. And they certainly don't contact us to say they left the program and have decided to continue to use drugs. And - I don't know if addicts are inclined to contact us and say that they appreciate the program and are learning a lot - my addict has been through treatment twice and that never happened.

One thing is almost certain (almost)- you are likely to hear from or about your son at some point. It could be today, or it could be 5 years from now - or 10 or 20.

The challenge for a codependent is twofold. To work your own program so that you can be strong enough to deal with whatever arises when you do hear from or about him. And - to figure out what you want to do with the time that has been given to you to live your live.

A year from now, what will you wish you had done today that you might not do because of this problem? How can working your own recovery program free you to be the best version of yourself and let him find his own way?

I have been back and forth with my addict for 15 years (yes, years). Recently, I allowed myself to get sucked in again and I lived in stress and confusion for 10 months before getting a clue and it has taken me 5 months to free myself (mostly). So, I know it is hard - and it is worth the fight to free yourself.

It helps to read all you can. There are two books that helped me recently "Smoke and Mirrors" and "Don't let your kids kill you". If you are a reader, maybe they might help you. And hopefully, there is a Nar Anon or Al Anon group close to you - that can also help a lot.

Prayers you find the peace and freedom to live your own life.