AnvilheadII

ugh, sorry my friend. wanting that "last blast" is 100% typical addict behavior. but that does not EXCUSE the behavior. ever.

you don't need this and you didn't sign up for this. and you can tap out any time. it's OK to do so. her addiction is not YOUR problem. she has a place to go IF she chooses.

i wish you the best, even in the midst of the heartache.

brijames

She came home at 10:30 pm. She was high. Said she had no ride home earlier than that as her GF passed out. I told her i would drive her to the detox center tomorrow and check her in. This is her as well as our last chance at saving this marriage. I really dont expect her to stay at the center once the withdrawals start kicking in bad. Hopefully they give me a call if she walks away.

If she doesnt go through with it and get clean I will no longer have anything to do with her. I will move on with my own life and worry about my own well being. I can walk away knowing i tried everything. I didnt abandon her without fighting to save her and us.

I am at peace with the fact my marriage could very well be over. I know she has to be truly ready to change and it has nothing to do with me. My happiness or lack of can no longer be tied up to what she does or doesnt do.

betnp3

I can feel your pain & I am sorry you are going through this. I have been there. I made the very difficult decision to file for divorce from my exAH a little over a year ago. I dealt with his lies, drug use, manipulation, stealing, cheating for several years before I made the decision to leave. For the first few years of our relationship he was overall clean & we were happy. Once his drug use started becoming more regular again, I saw his other side & it got to the point I no longer knew who I married. It got to the point I felt like I wanted to die because dealing with his behavior was so painful.

We share 3 kids...in some respects that made the decision easier & in some ways harder. I felt a lot of guilt for “giving up” on our marriage & still feel that at times. But marriage isn’t a jail sentence & nobody has to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

After I stopped listening to his words & believeing his actions, I understood he was not ready to live a life of recovery. I realize I mourn the loss of what I wanted our marriage to be, not the reality of what it was.

Regardless of if you decide to stay or leave, I would recommend taking some time to be by yourself...it’s really amazing how time & space can bring clarity to a situation. You don’t have to make a decision about your marriage right now if you don’t want to. I would recommend educating yourself about addiction & codependency. I slowly began to realize I had no control or power over my husband & what he chose to do...but I could take control over my life & take steps to be healthy & happy.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

hopeful4

I just want to point this out, although I am sure you already know, detox is not rehabilitation. It sounds like she needs longer term, in patient rehab. Only she can decide if that is what she will do, or not.

Please take good care of YOU.

HardLessons

By her own admission she's addicted to heroine & cant stop. I wouldn't have any expectation of her being able to stop without serious professional help.

Heroine has a very short half life. Once addicted, addicts need to use every 4 to 6 hours or wicked bad withdrawal symptoms kick in. Its not pleasant to see or for them to deal with.

Its important for you to understand this ugly addiction. Detox is an important step but its only a step. Full Recovery from heroine addiction will be a life long undertaking for your wife.

Heroine is the devils drug ! I don't say that lightly.

Leana

May I ask you a question? In the last 2 weeks how many times have you thought about what you want and what you deserve? Do you think you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who puts your needs first? Do you deserve to be in a relationship with someone you trust and who trust you? YES. You do. Are you getting that now? NO. Take her to detox if you said you would. But stop promising to be there or not to file or whatever based on HER behavior. Please start taking care of yourself and doing what is good for you. OK?