SmallButMighty

I think if your grown children have said they don't want to discuss their father I think you should respect that request. You could let them know you have things you want to talk about and if/when they want to have that discussion you will be available for that.

If you need to talk, and I have no doubt that you need to, you have other options. There are support groups like al-anon or nar-anon and others like that, that are for the loved ones not the addicts. You could find a therapist. You can type your fingers off venting here at SR where we all understand what you are going through.

I am sorry his family doesn't give the kind of support you want to hear... but... perhaps they know they can't help him, maybe they think things would be better off if you weren't enmeshed in his illness. None of us got married wanting to get a divorce! I certainly never expected to divorce in my 40s after marrying at 20 and raising a family with my AXH ... but that's what happened. It was and remains, the most difficult and painful thing I have ever done. But for me, it was what I had to do to get myself healthy. My marriage didn't fall apart for lack of love, it failed because of my lack of trust in him and his lack of respect for me. I learned I had to let go and love from a distance.

This is really tough stuff you are going through, I remember how badly I got ripped up when I was going through it with my AXH.

I wish for you strength and clarity while you navigate through this difficult situation.

Continue to trust your instincts, and respect your own boundaries, even when other people don't.

atalose

And here lies the frustration of the loved ones, the inability to make someone else stop doing something they continue to choose to do. You can’t make him stop, his family certainly can’t make him stop, if only saying the words were the solution to this issue, none of us would be and our loved ones would be clean/sober.

None of us got into a relationship or marriage with the intent to divorce but when the hurt of staying becomes more then our fear of leaving, we make wise decisions for ourselves.

StormyWeather33

Here is an article that just came out yesterday about this:

nbcboston.com/investigations/Johhnys-The-Latest-Potential-Killer-on-the-Street-489258151.html

kcar11

I can back up your claim that gabapentin is being abused more than we've ever seen before. My ex boyfriend, who I recently broke up with last month due to his rage, has been on gabapentin for months now. He also takes suboxone daily, along with drinking, and now most likely pot. In the span of the last 4 months he has gotten into 8 car accidents...the latest one resulting in ramming his car into my garage due to his rage. His rage has gotten so scary, especially while driving with me in the car, that I was scared for my life. My dad who is a recovering addict, coming up on 9 years of sobriety, is a drug counselor and has stated that gabapentin is becoming the new street drug for abuse. Like OpheliaKatz said it may be self-inflicted brain damage from all the years of abuse. My ex is only 25 and started pills when he was 15, not to mention the adderall that he was put on at a very young age. You just never know whether their abusive behavior is underlying in their core or if it was brought out by the drug(s). But for the sake of your health and sanity, you do not need to figure him out, you need to keep you and your family safe. Hugs to you and your family.

MindfulMan

Isn't it possible that the the car accidents are due to the drinking, suboxone and pot rather than the gabapentin?

kcar11

The accidents started when he was prescribed the gabapentin. He has been drinking and taking suboxone since April 2017 and had no accidents then. I just think that 8 car accidents in 4 months is abnormal. I can't 100% say that it was the gabapentin, but when he was newly prescribed to it, he got into the first 5 accidents within two weeks.

discovery12

My husband just got in a car accident too the other night...in a fit of rage. He takes the suboxone, was on Adderall until I showed up at the pcp with him and told him he was abusing it...smokes pot and takes the gabapentin. wow as I type this out this is not a recovered person by any means.

Schne

Gabapentin or the brand name neurontin is an awful drug, it CAN cause psychotic episodes. It’s is prescribed for nerve pain and works top notch for true nerve pain but it is prescribed far too much by physicians for off label use. I’m a nurse and I have seen it cause complete psychosis in an otherwise normal little old lady. After the medication was stopped she thanked the nursing staff for coming to her rescue and getting the doctor to discontinue Gabapentin, she knew she was feeling and behaving in a way she normally didn’t before the med started but couldn’t put into words what was happening while on the med. It’s a scary drug and docs are prescribing it all the time now. We watch with hawk eyes when we see a patient newly prescribed this med.

MindfulMan

I took it for years for sleep and as a mood stabilizer, and have known others that also did so without much incident. I can see where it would be synergistic with sedatives as it makes you drowsy. They gave it to me in rehab for anxiety as they tapered the valium for the medical detox. When I finished rehab my regular psychiatrist agreed that the dose was excessive and we decided to taper it. I just kept going and was off it within a week. No issues.

To me it was one of the most innocuous medications I've ever taken. The lethal dose has never been established, but people have taken 49,000 mg in a suicide attempt (NOT a typo) and recovered. It does cause some respiratory depression so like any sedative should only cautiously be combined with other sedatives (including alcohol) or narcotic.

That's just my take. It didn't do much of anything TBPO, except for some mild drowsiness and very mild relaxation.

discovery12

I confronted him about the gabapentin. He just denied it...got angry and gave me a similar response as some above. He does not know how someone would abuse it. When I asked about the missing pills he went on and on and I questioned why his "work friend" asked him if he had any "johnnies" (my daughter overheard that)...he said because they help his shoulder. blah blah. My dad was living with us for a little bit and has diabetic neuropathy. Two months he was short his gabapentin. Like over week short. At that time I had no idea that this was a possibility of becoming a drug that was being abused unitl I mentioned at work that I was trying to figure out how the heck my dad was coming up short with his pills. A co-worker nurse of mine alerted me to the fact that this was now being abused. this is what initially started me looking more closely at his medication. Anyway, at that time my dad was having a hard time walking so he asked my husband until he clarified with the pharmacy could he have some because he was convinced the pharmacy shorted him. Long story short, my issue with him giving them to his friend now is just a wash because he said it was ok for my dad to ask him. My reply was, well>>>>your reply to your friend was "not until next week" which tells me you were out of them before your refill...and my dad did not refer to them as the street name of JOHNNIES!

atalose

That’s the reality of “confronting” an active addict, they deny, they lie, they manipulate, it’s what addicts do.

I think the bigger issue now is the fact he is stealing your Dad’s medication and selling drugs.

discovery12

He's not stealing my Dads medications now. This was the first time I was alerted to the fact that gabapentin was being abused. But, YES, I do believe at that time it is highly likely he was the one taking them. Sad to say. My dad has not live with us for over a year, so this goes back.

So many issues.....so much frustration and pain. The list goes on.

Leana

I just can not imagine why anyone would want to abuse Gabapentin. There is no high, no mood altering at all. It just makes no sense to me. But then again, injecting heroin, risking overdose and being incoherent doesn't either so what do I know.