Roommate in freefall. Looking for advice.
 

Hi,

My roommate, who has been in and out of recovery over the past 5 years, is in a complete freefall right now, both in terms of addiction and life events, and I'm wondering how exactly I can help him.

I'm actually a recovering alcoholic myself, with just over five years of sobriety. My roommate has a long history of drug abuse, with opiates and downer-type drugs being his drug of choice. A few years ago he relapsed, and managed to keep it semi-hidden (I was in denial) for about a year and half. Finally, he got into a car accident, which caused the truth to come out.

Fast forward to now, and it's very evident he's using some sort of opiate again. At this very moment, he's in my apartment speaking with slurred speech, moving at one-quarter speed and just acting totally out of it. I couldn't take it anymore and asked him to acknowledge his drug use, stating I wanted to help him, but he's dug his heels in and denies it.

Compounding things, his mom has terminal cancer and has only months to live, his girlfriend broke up with him last night, and he is most likely going to be fired from his job imminently. I am really worried about the guy.

I've spoken with some friends in recovery about the situation, as well as his girlfriend, and have gotten some thoughts about what to do from them. But I'm really just looking for any thoughts/advice from anyone who's somewhat familiar with this stuff, which is why I'm posting here.

If anybody has experience with a situation like this, or thinks they might have some helpful insight, I would appreciate your thoughts.

Hi Ernest,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this very difficult situation. My first reaction is how lucky your roommate is that you have such a patient sense of understanding regarding his current situation; many people would just bail and either move out or find a way to have him kicked out.

That said, I think you know that a person needs to decide on their own if they're ready for real recovery. I have never done opiates, but I definitely know about the progressive disease of alcoholism and the destruction it causes. It sounds like he is in that misguided "self-preservation" hole that addicts dig for themselves, in which they use drugs and/or alcohol to block out the bad things happening around them. All sense of cause and effect is blurred, and logic is totally out of sight.

I think you need to think of yourself first, particularly as you are in recovery yourself. This is your roommate, so you two share a space; i.e. this is someone that you need to be able to trust and count on. Clearly right now is not the right time to have a conversation, as you said he is currently high on something, but I think you need to lay down the law in terms of your living situation.

Is he a good friend or basically just a roommate? If he is willing to seek professional help, you might be able to continue living with him. Otherwise, I would tell him that you will not under any circumstances live with someone who is active in addiction. It's not safe for you or anyone who enters your home.

What do you know (if anything) about his past recovery attempts? Perhaps there is someone who can enter the scene to assist with this? (Like a sponsor, rehab friend who stayed sober, something like that...)

It sounds like he needs inpatient assistance. Try the salvation army if money is going to be an issue. It has saved a many of lives.