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Old 07-09-2018, 10:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Nothing changes except to get worse.


Posted about my stepdaughters disease of addiction before but it's getting more complicated it seems. She od'ed on heroin 2 years ago then her BF od'ed and died a year ago. Lost custody of her 3 children after the first od. She lost her house and crashed with a guy she worked with who ended up video taping her and putting it on the internet. Her ex and the baby daddy tried to kill her when she replaced him with the now deceased BF. She ran back to my area after the video episode and moved back in with the killer ex who is trying to get sober by only drinking, no more crack. He has fooled CPS into thinking he can handle custody of the 2 younger ones even though he works under the table and not very much. He now has the 2 younger ones living with him and she is too even though that is not allowed because of her heroin addiction. Her mother, who hates the ex called CPS and reported on them which insensed both of them in which they proceeded to blame me by association because I have been supportive of the mother in her battle for sobriety. The result isI cannot have any contact with my grandchildren while they are locked in poverty with 2 addicts and will be entering an inner city school after attending a really good school while living with their Aunt for 2 years. I don't have a problem going no contact with the daughter but not seeing my grandchildren is like a prison sentence. Feeling so lost.
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Old 07-10-2018, 02:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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My my, this sounds awful, Sissyfuss. I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending a big hug and tons of support your way.
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Old 07-10-2018, 08:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My heart sincerely goes out to you! Its not easy when children are involved. My addict has some family that if it werent for the grandparents, they would have such a miserable childhood. Unfortunately, these are the cards you have been handed so try to make the best out of the situation. Love those grandkids unconditionally and what ever your religion may be, pray for them. I dont know how it is where you live but i know in my state, grandparents have rights too. You may try talking with a lawyer to see what your options are? Just a thought. Again, my heart goes out to you! I wish you all the best of luck.
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Old 07-10-2018, 11:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
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So sorry to hear this Sissyfuss, what a terrible situation.

What was the result of CPS being called in this time? Perhaps there is no way of knowing but hopefully they will keep an eye on the situation.

Was the Mother distraught at having her children taken away or was she more relieved? I would be surprised if two active addicts are over the moon at having children around or is there some kind of monetary incentive?

Just wondering if at some point they might be open to someone else taking over custody.

I agree that talking to a lawyer would be a great idea.
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Old 07-11-2018, 09:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks for the concern, trail mix. CPS said they would not investigate because there was already a caseworker assigned. But she is 90 miles away, doesn't know the daughter is living there illegally, and always contacts before each visit. The daughter was not very concerned when she lost custody because her and her soon to be dead BF were pursuing their true love, heroin. I think the father loves his children but he has never held a job in the 15 years I've known him and the extra welfare he will be receiving is a top priority. I have to be prepared for the time when they will be contacting me, letting me know there is no food in the house, the kids miss me , and the bills are going unpaid. It's happened so many times before and it usually works thanks to my codie ways. Have got to be smarter and stronger.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Yes I figured there must be extra money involved somewhere.

So, yes it is best that you not get involved but the children do need to be protected (as much as anyone can help with that).

I wonder, when it does get to that point and you are going to stand strong if there could be a plan B? Is the Aunt willing to take the children back? They might be at a point by then where they would be willing to do that?
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Old 07-13-2018, 07:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The aunt, after raising 6 children, her 3 and my stepdaughters 3 is burned out. She did change her mind and let the 16 year old spend his senior year of high school next year there. If the younger ones are heading into the system if their parents go back to drugging the aunt might try to get custody again. Otherwise the grandma and I will try to gain custody as a last resort. Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.
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Old 07-18-2018, 03:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I am so sorry. I myself would make sure the current CPS worker knows what's going on. They may blame you, but it sounds like they already are anyways. And really, what means more, taking some blame, or the well being of the kids??

So sorry you are going through this. Huge hugs.
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Old 07-27-2018, 01:06 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Prayers for those kids - they are always the collateral damage of addiction.

Encouragement to keep trying to serve the truth. It may hurt a lot to not see your grand kids, and the bigger issue is how to do whatever you can to change what you can.

For me, I am never shy about calling social workers, school counselors, doctors (if I know who they are) and any other authority that may have even the slightest influence. I have called judges and my addicts P.O. and even the prosecuting attorney in her drug cases. It has helped me channel my energy into something positive. I try to be very calm and logical and understand their position so I don't come off like a crackpot - but I continue to look for the things I can influence. I agree with hopeful4 - don't stop serving the truth.

And while it may not offer too much consolation - I have found that prayer - mine and anyone I can get to pray for me - helps in amazing ways. I find answers, I calm myself so I think of new avenues to explore and it helps me trust my (and my addict's) Higher Power. It gives me the peace to let go and let God so that I can go the long haul.

Prayers for those kids and for strength for you!
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Old 08-06-2018, 05:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quick update. The two youngest are with their "parents" now even though my daughter is living there against her case law. Both phones are out of service probably due to nonpayment. I'm struggling with going to see my darlings and seeing how their doing against the anger and frustration I feel towards my daughters denial. I point out the obvious about her lack of mothering instincts which used to be colossal and she attacks with a fearful vengeance. It's the only thing that arouses the passion of her former self but its effect is that she turns cold and distant. Very unwelcoming the way she applies it. Right now I'm trying to decide if spending alot of money on the grandkids for back to school is really more of the enabling I've always been guilty of or is it something I can be proud of? Trouble deciding.
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Old 08-06-2018, 05:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sissyfuss View Post
Quick update. The two youngest are with their "parents" now even though my daughter is living there against her case law. Both phones are out of service probably due to nonpayment. I'm struggling with going to see my darlings and seeing how their doing against the anger and frustration I feel towards my daughters denial. I point out the obvious about her lack of mothering instincts which used to be colossal and she attacks with a fearful vengeance. It's the only thing that arouses the passion of her former self but its effect is that she turns cold and distant. Very unwelcoming the way she applies it. Right now I'm trying to decide if spending alot of money on the grandkids for back to school is really more of the enabling I've always been guilty of or is it something I can be proud of? Trouble deciding.
I'm very sorry your having to go through this. When young innocent children are involved it is all the more heartbreaking.
I hope somehow it comes to a happy resolution for you.
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Old 08-09-2018, 01:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sissyfuss View Post
Right now I'm trying to decide if spending alot of money on the grandkids for back to school is really more of the enabling I've always been guilty of or is it something I can be proud of? Trouble deciding.

I consider myself co dependent. And it was hard to accept. I figured out most anything I do in love is enabling my addict. So now I'm hands off.
But in your case with children involved no one could think it's a bad thing to do for the kids. It may still be enabling cause it's allowing the addict to not feel the consequences of getting high with money instead of buying school clothes. Saving them from consequences of their actions.

Your situation is hard. I'm sending positivity your way.

And personally I hope u grabbed some school clothes for the babies.
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Old 08-13-2018, 09:38 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you, Lynn. I did.
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Old 08-14-2018, 10:15 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Oh Sissy...I'm sorry.

I don't think getting those babies the stuff they need for school is enabling at all.

Sending you a big hug!
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Old 09-20-2018, 09:18 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Latest situation. The young ones are in school but the 9 year old boy mouthed off to his teacher yesterday. She contacted me because I'm the only one with phone service. I gave her background on the childrens situation. As I posted before there was no food in the house, the bills aren't getting paid and my angels are desperate to have me visit. I took the daughter grocery shopping, helped pay her electric and trash bill but not the $400gas bill . They can heat with space heaters until it gets really cold. The bipolar addict father ripped into the boy while I was visiting and basically threw him out of the house so he couldn't interact with me. He was crying alot and I comforted him after the fathe left. That's why he was disrespectful in school today. He went from living with his well to do aunt in a nice community to living in a poverty stricken neighborhood in a large city. There are alcoholic neighbors that are constantly hanging out with the parents at all hours. I can't change the childrens circumstances at this time but I am waiting prayerfully for the next inevitable meltdown that has always appeared in the 16 years I have been involved. My faith has grown within the trying circumstances I have been confronted with. With Alanon and my Higher Power I am changing the things I can and accepting those that I can't. God bless us all.
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Old 09-24-2018, 09:27 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Oh Sissy...this breaks my heart. Does the current CPS caseworker understand what is happening??

Huge, huge hugs and prayers for all.
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