Worried Dad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 20
Worried Dad
My son finished his 4th rehab for drug/alcohol addiction on April 6. He came home with the boundaries of staying sober, attending meetings, get a job and no lies.
He had big plans to get back in school, get a degree in counseling and help addicts.
Nothing has worked out. Girlfriend from just before rehab who had her father kick him out of her house because of heroin use started calling texting him as soon as he got his phone back. Constant calls and texts to his cell 24/7, calling my home # all through the night. Really crazy 8th grade $$hit.
His friends at AA and I told him she was bad for his recovery, block her number, stay away, work on himself. She even showed up at my house and in the parking lot of AA meetings.
Fast forward to early last week, a friend of his texted me that he had been seen in a pharmacy buying insulin needles. I call and confront him, he lies at first then admits he had them. Says the plan was to meet the GF "ONE LAST TIME", use with her then really work on getting his life together.
Caught him in more lies and obviously high last week. When he got home late from his alleged meeting Friday I sat him down and told him that this wasn't working because he wasn't doing his part. He admitted to seeing the GF, using with her 3-4 times. He said maybe he should leave, he got a few clothes and left with no money and very little gas in his car. No harsh words, told him I was heartbroken at it coming to this and he was welcome back sober and working on recovery.
I'm worried sick and texted him Sat night, he eventually responded that "There's nothing to worry about. I'm trying to better myself. I love you".
I pray that he is OK and trying to better himself while my gut tells me he is with the GF and they are high.
I have to trust his higher power will lead him!!
He had big plans to get back in school, get a degree in counseling and help addicts.
Nothing has worked out. Girlfriend from just before rehab who had her father kick him out of her house because of heroin use started calling texting him as soon as he got his phone back. Constant calls and texts to his cell 24/7, calling my home # all through the night. Really crazy 8th grade $$hit.
His friends at AA and I told him she was bad for his recovery, block her number, stay away, work on himself. She even showed up at my house and in the parking lot of AA meetings.
Fast forward to early last week, a friend of his texted me that he had been seen in a pharmacy buying insulin needles. I call and confront him, he lies at first then admits he had them. Says the plan was to meet the GF "ONE LAST TIME", use with her then really work on getting his life together.
Caught him in more lies and obviously high last week. When he got home late from his alleged meeting Friday I sat him down and told him that this wasn't working because he wasn't doing his part. He admitted to seeing the GF, using with her 3-4 times. He said maybe he should leave, he got a few clothes and left with no money and very little gas in his car. No harsh words, told him I was heartbroken at it coming to this and he was welcome back sober and working on recovery.
I'm worried sick and texted him Sat night, he eventually responded that "There's nothing to worry about. I'm trying to better myself. I love you".
I pray that he is OK and trying to better himself while my gut tells me he is with the GF and they are high.
I have to trust his higher power will lead him!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear Dad
I am so very sorry to read of this situation. I cant even imagine the stress this must bring to bear on you.
I hope you have a good support network in place. I have heard of special groups just for parents of Heroin addicts.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you!
I am so very sorry to read of this situation. I cant even imagine the stress this must bring to bear on you.
I hope you have a good support network in place. I have heard of special groups just for parents of Heroin addicts.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Dad, we all understand the heartache when we see a change for the better, then they go back out again. My son ran the gamut of rehabs and recovery and relapse. One fine day, he finally had had enough. This happened through NO PART of mine. I learned that I am powerless. The hardest thing ever is to detach with love, but it truly allows our loved one to feel the consequences of their actions. I like that you are keeping the communications open. Keep posting and reading here and if you are comfortable, going to an Alanon or Nar anon meeting can also give you support and comfort.
Hugs
TT
Hugs
TT
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Hauppauge, NY
Posts: 62
Hi, another mom here. I totally get how you feel. I've been through the same thing more times than I can count. You did the right thing, even though it doesn't feel like it. He obviously hasn't had enough yet. I would let him stay out there until he has had enough. Its those pesky expectations/hopes that get us every time! There's a lot of recovery out there and one day, I hope he does get it. Just keep praying for him, I will too! Hang in there, its not for the weak hearted. Love, Elissa
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My adult son has been addicted more than half of his life,finding temporary sobriety through rehabs and meetings but failing to hang on to it. For years and years I tried everything I knew to save him, and finally learned and accepted that his recovery was entirely up to him and that nothing I did or did not do would change that.
He has been missing in his addiction for over 10 years now. He knows how to find us (we moved) if he gets clean for a long period of time.
What finally helped me to let go and find my own recovery was attending meetings and coming here to SR. I didn't think meetings would help me...after all HE was the one with the problem. But I have to say it was a real life line and helped me find my balance again and learn a healthier way to live.
I am so sorry that your son fell back into bad ways. My own son seemed to think he could not live without a girlfriend, he went through many, when what he really needed to do was to focus on himself and his recovery and put his life right before he brought anyone into it.
I will keep your son and you in my prayers. It's heart breaking to watch our loved ones self-destruct.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
He has been missing in his addiction for over 10 years now. He knows how to find us (we moved) if he gets clean for a long period of time.
What finally helped me to let go and find my own recovery was attending meetings and coming here to SR. I didn't think meetings would help me...after all HE was the one with the problem. But I have to say it was a real life line and helped me find my balance again and learn a healthier way to live.
I am so sorry that your son fell back into bad ways. My own son seemed to think he could not live without a girlfriend, he went through many, when what he really needed to do was to focus on himself and his recovery and put his life right before he brought anyone into it.
I will keep your son and you in my prayers. It's heart breaking to watch our loved ones self-destruct.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Addiction to heroine just sucks. It is heart breaking.
In order to achieve sobriety & recovery a heroine addict has to change their entire life. Its a huge commitment on their part.
I hope your son one day makes a final choice for recovery. I hope he gets a chance to change his life for the better. Until he makes that choice, unfortunately, we both know there isn't much we can do for them.
My addict never made such a recovery choice. She never even admitted she has a problem. I had to leave her in the hands of god. There was nothing more I could do for her. I tried everything.
I am very sorry for your situation & please take care of yourself.
In order to achieve sobriety & recovery a heroine addict has to change their entire life. Its a huge commitment on their part.
I hope your son one day makes a final choice for recovery. I hope he gets a chance to change his life for the better. Until he makes that choice, unfortunately, we both know there isn't much we can do for them.
My addict never made such a recovery choice. She never even admitted she has a problem. I had to leave her in the hands of god. There was nothing more I could do for her. I tried everything.
I am very sorry for your situation & please take care of yourself.
Losing It!!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Birmingham Alabama
Posts: 11
Oh my gosh....that was like reading my story!!
Same thing with my 23 yr old son a couple of years ago. Was clean for couple of years, had gotten his own apartment, had a good job. Hooked up with this crazy girl and it all went to crap!!
She has been in and out of his life for last couple of years...always trouble. Finally after getting arrested with her...and just one thing after another; he has finally left her alone. He has gone back to treatment; and will not be returning here; even if he IS clean and sober. Because this area is where it all began!!
Pray for him. I know how cliche that sounds...but truly that’s all any of us can do. I worry about my son from sun up to sun down...but my sanity and survival have come only from trusting that the Lord above has him exactly where he is meant to be. God bless you and I will pray for you and your son!
Same thing with my 23 yr old son a couple of years ago. Was clean for couple of years, had gotten his own apartment, had a good job. Hooked up with this crazy girl and it all went to crap!!
She has been in and out of his life for last couple of years...always trouble. Finally after getting arrested with her...and just one thing after another; he has finally left her alone. He has gone back to treatment; and will not be returning here; even if he IS clean and sober. Because this area is where it all began!!
Pray for him. I know how cliche that sounds...but truly that’s all any of us can do. I worry about my son from sun up to sun down...but my sanity and survival have come only from trusting that the Lord above has him exactly where he is meant to be. God bless you and I will pray for you and your son!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 20
I texted him yesterday and told him that I loved him and that he has a family that loves him and if he chooses sobriety we are here to help.
He responded with " I love you too. And Mom. I just don't know what to do."
He is 26 but in so much of his thinking he is still a kid. Delayed maturity due to drug use I suppose.
He responded with " I love you too. And Mom. I just don't know what to do."
He is 26 but in so much of his thinking he is still a kid. Delayed maturity due to drug use I suppose.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Ive read & concur based on my experience, that for an addict using hard core drugs, emotional growth stops at the point where addiction sets in.
In my case she became addicted to intravenous heroine as a teen. She is currently in her mid 30's. She could act extremely immature at times. Her thought process could also be extremely poor.
In my case she became addicted to intravenous heroine as a teen. She is currently in her mid 30's. She could act extremely immature at times. Her thought process could also be extremely poor.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
All you have offered is exactly the "what to do". He will come to that conclusion in his own time and place. Sending hugs. And it s very GOOD that he has acknowledged that he knows that his parents love him and will support him in sobriety. He knows that door is open to him.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
SadDad,
I'm sorry about what has brought you to Sober Recovery, but please know that you are not alone.
When I first joined Sober Recovery I was online constantly, reading everyone's posts, stories, replies - it helped to keep me from going crazy, it helped me to know I wasn't alone. I also attended an AlAnon and NarAnon meeting every Thursday and Friday.
I remember the first night I walked into the NarAnon meeting, it was pretty small and the majority of the people were parents of addicts. It made me sick to my stomach to be there - I didn't go back for about 6 months. Then, I was at such a low point in my life - I just wanted the pain of my son's addiction to end, so I went back to that same NarAnon group. Those people took me into their meeting and helped me see that I could live even though my son was an opiate addict. They helped me survive.
Keep reading or posting - just know that you are not alone and we are listening.
I'm sorry about what has brought you to Sober Recovery, but please know that you are not alone.
When I first joined Sober Recovery I was online constantly, reading everyone's posts, stories, replies - it helped to keep me from going crazy, it helped me to know I wasn't alone. I also attended an AlAnon and NarAnon meeting every Thursday and Friday.
I remember the first night I walked into the NarAnon meeting, it was pretty small and the majority of the people were parents of addicts. It made me sick to my stomach to be there - I didn't go back for about 6 months. Then, I was at such a low point in my life - I just wanted the pain of my son's addiction to end, so I went back to that same NarAnon group. Those people took me into their meeting and helped me see that I could live even though my son was an opiate addict. They helped me survive.
Keep reading or posting - just know that you are not alone and we are listening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
Hi Dad. I have no experience of this so can offer no advice but just reading all of these posts, well it breaks my heart. I dont know how i would cope with this happening to my kids. You are in my thoughts. All of you dealing with this. Love, prayers and hope. Xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 20
My son and I texted on Friday. He said he was going in circles and thought he should come home. I told him if he was ready to truly work on sobriety that he could come home but he would have to do all the things that reflect recovery. no using, no alcohol, no lies and get a job. He responded that he didn't know if he was ready to do that. I told I was sorry because without that level of commitment living at our house wouldn't work. He said he understood.
Talked to him on the phone last night. He said what he is doing is like a holding pattern and he wants to change. I told no your not in a holding patter you are in a downward spiral and don't know how far you are from crashing.
He agreed and said he would honor the boundaries if he could come home today.
I pray he means it and is ready to move forward with his life.
Talked to him on the phone last night. He said what he is doing is like a holding pattern and he wants to change. I told no your not in a holding patter you are in a downward spiral and don't know how far you are from crashing.
He agreed and said he would honor the boundaries if he could come home today.
I pray he means it and is ready to move forward with his life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
