Reneevc

Hello all! My husband is back to some bad habits (opioids). During our 8 year marriage he has relapsed several times. There have been good times and bad times. He began actively using again about a week ago. I have a keen eye for his relapses, but he rarely takes much responsibility. He’s above admitting a problem. Successful, well liked, and a wonderful father. But he struggles with his responsibilities and turns to using. This time I was calm, yet firm. I confronted him, and immediately set boundaries. Do not bring drugs into our home, and if you’re visibly “not yourself” you will be asked to leave. We have 2 small children and I will not tolerate it around them. He has now been asked to leave twice in 2 weeks. Lots of huffing and puffing, denial, and failed manipulation attempts, but he left. And I felt like crap. But deep down, I know that I am doing what’s best for me and my children. So in a small way, I count that a win.

HardLessons

Hi Reneevc

Welcome to SR I am sorry for what brings you here

From what you wrote it sounds like your husband had an addiction problem which is in my estimation far worse than a bad habit.

I think its good that you set & enforced your boundary of not bringing drugs or being high in the house. You do need to protect yourself & your children.

Addiction to opioid based drugs is extremely destructive & progressive. Things can be ok with our addicts until they are not ok. Since your husband is above admitting he has a problem (which he obviously has) & takes no responsibility for his drug use, he is not seeking any type of sobriety or recovery. Therein lies your bigger problem.

If he has been asked to leave twice in one week, I am assuming he is only gone for like a day at a time. As you probably know, its not safe to leave small children in the care of an addict.

I'm sure you will get a lot of quality advice here on SR. Please take time to read & educate yourself concerning opioids & addiction. That will be your key to understanding.

Please take care of yourself & your children.

Thanks

Reneevc

Thank you! I find these forums very helpful, as there are no nar-anon groups near me. I suppose I shouldn’t say he’s above admitting the problem. He does, but only when it is blatantly obvious). And even then it’s just an admission. No mention of seeking treatment. In his younger days, he went through rehab, saw counselors, and even spent some time in jail. In his mind, he already knows everything there is to know about it so why seek help. So down the path of destruction he goes....

Hechosedrugs

Good for you. Please stay strong for your children. Expect for your addiction (your love for him/strong desire for an intact, happy family) to come rearing its ugly head, making you question your decision. Remember that reunification is always possible later on, after he's proven himself sober for a substantial period of time. Until then, it's too much of a risk.

Many blessings. I know how difficult this can be.

hopeful4

It is a win. I remember before I got divorced when I became strong enough to make my XAH leave if he was going to be messed up. It took strength! Good for you, and good for your children!