I'm done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 53
I'm done.
Y'all are FABULOUS to read and totally "get it". I KNOW WHAT YA MEAN! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!! :\
Welp, my son was arrested and now in County. Nothing any of us can or WANT TO do about it. Now, yes I mean bailing him out on $10,000. uhhh no.
Write? yes. Visit? yes (although it's 1.5hrs going 75mph on Turnpike) one way... Help with his "account" in the jail? yes already $300 in. Also bought books on Amazon (only way allowed) NON HARD COVER which the biotches didn't tell me! >:| Well, he got 6 outta 7 ... only one was H Cover. So that's ANOTHER $50 something...
I dunno. I'm done.
But I sure did appreciate all of your postings and helpfulness even though I don't always respond. YOU GET IT! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN 'BOUT!
Thank You All,
Amy
Welp, my son was arrested and now in County. Nothing any of us can or WANT TO do about it. Now, yes I mean bailing him out on $10,000. uhhh no.
Write? yes. Visit? yes (although it's 1.5hrs going 75mph on Turnpike) one way... Help with his "account" in the jail? yes already $300 in. Also bought books on Amazon (only way allowed) NON HARD COVER which the biotches didn't tell me! >:| Well, he got 6 outta 7 ... only one was H Cover. So that's ANOTHER $50 something...
I dunno. I'm done.But I sure did appreciate all of your postings and helpfulness even though I don't always respond. YOU GET IT! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN 'BOUT!
Thank You All,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hi Amy. My son was in county jail two times and I was comforted knowing that at least he had 3 hots and a cot as they say. I did visit him and email him (they get emails daily through the sheriff service). I also put small amounts on his books but not enough for him to do any damage. It will be okay. The full weight of your sons decisions are now his to bear. YOU will also be okay.
Hang in there!
Hang in there!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello sixth.
My stepson is also currently enjoying the hospitality of a local jail where he lives. He is due to be sentenced sometime in the next week or so. None of the family are bailing him out--no money and no inclination. He is still communicating with his sister, and I'm happy about that to a certain extent.
We are not putting money on his account. We are not sending him books. I will write to him in a few days once I learn his sentence. I tell him I love him when I can...when he is able to listen.
I understand being done. You and your son will be in my prayers.
S
My stepson is also currently enjoying the hospitality of a local jail where he lives. He is due to be sentenced sometime in the next week or so. None of the family are bailing him out--no money and no inclination. He is still communicating with his sister, and I'm happy about that to a certain extent.
We are not putting money on his account. We are not sending him books. I will write to him in a few days once I learn his sentence. I tell him I love him when I can...when he is able to listen.
I understand being done. You and your son will be in my prayers.
S
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Xanax is a slippery slope my friend, be careful with that. You may want to look into meditation and other things to calm you. Big hugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Just another mama dropping in to lend support and say that you did the right thing by not bailing him out.
Bless all the mama's here, and the dads, to feel relief that our child is in jail is something only the parent of an addict can understand.
Yup, we "get you" sixth, we "get" the pain and the heartache and loss of the child we once knew. We're walking this path with you all the way.
And yes, perhaps consider something else to sleep, in the end it will serve you well. I will make us all some hot milk and cheesecake and we can all sleep better tonight.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Bless all the mama's here, and the dads, to feel relief that our child is in jail is something only the parent of an addict can understand.
Yup, we "get you" sixth, we "get" the pain and the heartache and loss of the child we once knew. We're walking this path with you all the way.
And yes, perhaps consider something else to sleep, in the end it will serve you well. I will make us all some hot milk and cheesecake and we can all sleep better tonight.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 178
Hi. My son did 60 days in county and it was the best thing that ever happened to him (ok, and the worst LOL). But it gave him 60 days clean before he came home and a whole lot of motivation to stay that way because he did NOT want to go back, ever.
Please be careful with Xanax. My doc gave me an RX for Xanax years ago when I was under a lot of stress due to caring for an ill relative. She did not renew it, but instead gave me Ativan. The situation resolved itself and I ended up getting rid of most of the RX.
Now with my son's substance abuse problem and all the associated stress, I ended up seeing a therapist, and talked to my primary care doc (a new doc) who gave me Ativan that I only take when I'm really really stressed (like having to go to court or when I visited son in jail).
Someone else suggested meditation -- I have found a lot of wonderful meditations on You Tube. I have a 10-minute favorite that I listen to every morning, and whenever I'm starting to feel stressed. I try to take a walk every day at lunchtime, and I've found that essential oils help (lavendar and citrus mostly). There are longer meditations that I sometimes listen to, too, and if you need help falling asleep I recommend the 3-hour Rekki (sp?) music by Yellowbrick Cinema on You Tube.
Good luck. :-)
Please be careful with Xanax. My doc gave me an RX for Xanax years ago when I was under a lot of stress due to caring for an ill relative. She did not renew it, but instead gave me Ativan. The situation resolved itself and I ended up getting rid of most of the RX.
Now with my son's substance abuse problem and all the associated stress, I ended up seeing a therapist, and talked to my primary care doc (a new doc) who gave me Ativan that I only take when I'm really really stressed (like having to go to court or when I visited son in jail).
Someone else suggested meditation -- I have found a lot of wonderful meditations on You Tube. I have a 10-minute favorite that I listen to every morning, and whenever I'm starting to feel stressed. I try to take a walk every day at lunchtime, and I've found that essential oils help (lavendar and citrus mostly). There are longer meditations that I sometimes listen to, too, and if you need help falling asleep I recommend the 3-hour Rekki (sp?) music by Yellowbrick Cinema on You Tube.
Good luck. :-)
Losing It!!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Birmingham Alabama
Posts: 11
I am so glad I saw this post. I am exactly where a lot of you are. My 23 year old son (addict for 7 years-DOC began with heroine; now it’s meth and the occasional benzodiazepines) just got arrested for the second time in just a few months on Monday. Over the years I have been the typical mom trying to “fix” everything for him...but this time I decided to not bail him out and allow him to face his consequences. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Guilt has been weighing me down so bad it’s been difficult to breathe.
When he called today he has decided he wants to go back to treatment. Part of me is so excited (because he has been refusing to go) the other part of me, of course, is suspicious that this is just another manipulation to get out of jail. Then I feel guilty again for even thinking that. I can only imagine how jail is...never been. But I DO know my son. He absolutely KKOWS how much damage and chaos he has caused; especially over the last year; and I think by us leaving him in jail it’s starting to sink in “ hey my family is really tired of my crap”.
So as for now...he has to stay at least thru the weekend. I’m going to the courts on Monday to get some questions answered...because I have NO clue how all of this works. I will NEVER abandon him...he is my heart. But it’s time for him to try and figure out how to fix this pile of crap that used to be his life. And I KNOW he will NEVER want to end up back in jail. These kids of ours have no idea how they are ruining their lives; and how deeply they are hurting us. Just not fair...I don’t understand why life is so damn hard for my son. And looking around at the scraps of what’s left of his life simply brings me to my knees. I know this has taken years off my life.
When he called today he has decided he wants to go back to treatment. Part of me is so excited (because he has been refusing to go) the other part of me, of course, is suspicious that this is just another manipulation to get out of jail. Then I feel guilty again for even thinking that. I can only imagine how jail is...never been. But I DO know my son. He absolutely KKOWS how much damage and chaos he has caused; especially over the last year; and I think by us leaving him in jail it’s starting to sink in “ hey my family is really tired of my crap”.
So as for now...he has to stay at least thru the weekend. I’m going to the courts on Monday to get some questions answered...because I have NO clue how all of this works. I will NEVER abandon him...he is my heart. But it’s time for him to try and figure out how to fix this pile of crap that used to be his life. And I KNOW he will NEVER want to end up back in jail. These kids of ours have no idea how they are ruining their lives; and how deeply they are hurting us. Just not fair...I don’t understand why life is so damn hard for my son. And looking around at the scraps of what’s left of his life simply brings me to my knees. I know this has taken years off my life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Michelle, yes jail is scary, but is is way more scarier to US than it is to them. If this is your sons first offense and its not a felony, usually diversion is offered if drugs are related or the crime was a result of them being on drugs. Then you don't need to worry, he will be offered treatment or time. Either way, he needs to have some sense of being accountable. I think our addicted children don't believe that we parents count when it comes to stealing, lying or cheating us. However, the LAW indicates that we do count! Whatever his crime is, the best thing for him is to realize he cannot get away with his actions without a consequence. Sending you big hugs and prayers for your peace.
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