Xittam11

Well.... A lot has been going on I have found a local group to go to meetings to help support me and it has been amazing. I have gotten the strength to do things I never thought I could. This washing machine (our relationship) has finally broke. I am breaking that cycle and I am going through with my divorce. I have canceled it twice now because my husband is a great actor as many of you are familiar with what addicts are capable of. I have been praying about it and he practically opened the door for me to tell him almost like he was asking for it. So I did I told him I was done. He started all his lying all over again and I have let go i don't feel the urge to research like i used too i poured way too much effort into him. I enabled like almost everyone has and I put my foot down last week on the enabling and he did no like it at all i got my rear end chewed out over $50!!!! He has a job and has not given me a dime for our kids so I told him no that didn't go over well. But it opened up my eyes. I set a boundary he crossed it and got pissed over it. Sorry not sorry. Then the lies ensued crossing another boundary. So he sealed his fate and of course he is begging me to let him prove himself and he is going to do everything to show me, he's already promised 3 meetings a week he barely goes to one as it is, give me his whole paycheck. So far this week he has attempted to go to 2 meeting but hasn't made 1 yet. He got paid today, I'll see him at my sons baseball game I'm sure he will buy us food but that's all i will see or he will just give me a portion and then ask for it all back by the weekend. I am however breaking the cycle i have learned he can make things work once i hang the divorce ax over his head he just cant keep it together for long so but i had to unplug my machine it ran its last spin cycle. I feel GREAT about it! My support groups have helped me get here and I'm so excited to take care of myself and my kids. I didn't get my fairy-tale ending like i had expected and wanted which blinded me but, I am ready to move forward i have been on pause far to long he can may be able catch up down the road or move in another direction but i am not waiting any more!

ChloeRose63

You are such an inspiration. I hope others will see just what strength can do! You get to be free and begin a whole new chapter in your life! More power to you! Stay strong and confident. Believe in yourself and don't let anyone hold you back ever again!

Hechosedrugs

Good for you for knowing you're worth and having the strength to say "enough!"

Just be prepared for backslides. I remember all too well feeling so strong, almost invincible. I was sure I'd made the right choice in leaving, and then something small could throw me off track and I would physically ache for him.

Keep working on your recovery and you will be able to fight back the urge to let him hurt you again.

Many blessings.

Xittam11

I wish I felt invincible I know with how he is I have a long battle to fight and be strong. He wrote me a letter today about him promising to be accountable and trustworthy and signed it like a contract. He is putting up a fight but I don’t have to do this alone I have My higher power and my new friends that can help me. I know by myself I couldn’t do it. Having this forum helps me so much when it’s too late to call someone everyone has been so great.

Ann

You thought this through, you set up your own support system (meetings saved my life too) and you have taken back your life and your decision to take very good care of yourself.

All these things he promises? He can do them all whether you are there or not, and watching his "actions" from a distance is better than listening to hollow words close up. Sadly, even finding recovery won't mean he will keep it. That is all entirely up to him and if he thinks his sobriety lies in the hands of anyone but himself is a map for failure.

It won't be easy, you will have painful days and moments, but the pain of leaving is rarely as bad as the pain of staying in a relationship with addiction.

Good luck, girl! Well done.

Hechosedrugs

My ex made so many promises. He even went so far as to pay $800 for a postnup- or so I thought. He'd actually gotten it by stealing my identity to take out a loan. Ironic, because one of the major points in the postnup was that he would let me have total control of the money and he would not take out any more loans.

Stay strong.

ChloeRose63

His promises should be made to himself. He needs to look inside of himself and start his own road to recovery for himself, by himself with the help of professional councelors and therapists.
Your path is not his path. Go on your own healing journey. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Learn this lesson or you will find yourself in a very unhealthy and unhappy place. You deserve a better life so start making one. Take contol and responsibility of every decision that leads you to a better purpose.

Xittam11

Exactly your guys are all soooooo right I wont' quote everyone but he definitely has to do it for himself which is something he just isn't capable of and I would rather watch from a far than here is hallow words! I love how well everyone gets their thoughts out not my strong point. One of my sponsors told me about the crab in a bucket comparison. One crab in a bucket can get out. Two crabs can not as soon as one is about to get out the other pulls it back down so they stuck in that shallow bucket.

I have had to be very black and white with him and I told him he just needs to focus and take care of himself he still seems to think he can fix our marriage regardless of what I tell him. He needs professional help and to work the steps which he is not and I am so I'm moving forward and just recently the right people were placed in my life to help me know how to move forward. I'm done being on pause waiting. I have a 10 year old and a 2 year old that are growing and I have grow with them so they can be the best they can. Its sad how long it takes to realize this but I do feel very fortunate I was able to figure it our pretty fast (right at a year) some of the people I have met have been battling for years and have regrets not from divorce but not doing it sooner and that's one regret i don't want to have because best case scenario i did get it wrong and he got better and turned back into the man i married originally would could get remarried but i'm not dragging my kids through his recovery process because first of all its non existent. But if I can help anyone out there reading this go find a local group I love my online groups too but being able to talk on the phone or see them in person has had a tremendous impact for me.

Thanks for all your support! Many blessings to everyone!